Greed

(2004) Axe/ Greed THRILLER/ HORROR

Super low budget and straight to rental version of "No Country For Old Men" centering on some stolen cash by a couple of biker girls of Raven (Darlena Tejeiro) and Ashley (Andrea Bogart) from a different bike, and the inhuman serial killer who cannot be killed who does whatever it takes to retrieve it, even if it means taking on the whole biker gang. Besides whatever I mentioned above from the movie that won the Coens Brothers some Oscars of "No Country...", it also makes use of the desert settings, back stabbings and the double crossings. And the serial killer, Ivan (Tim Sitarz) who cannot be killed, who looks like a Steve Austin look-a-like who just wavers an axe and for some reason, he cannot even be traced, regardless of the orange prison outfit he has on, whose also called the axe man. I felt dumb after watching this, theirs a realistic poorly photographed motorcycle chase that isn't going to come any more real than the bad acting and unconvincing fight scenes happening throughout.

Two girls, returning from a climbing trip, have a bit of a run in at gun point with a biker gang on dirt bikes in a bar which looks like it's someone's garage. They steal their dirt bikes and end up on the run. The biker gang gives chase, because the dirt bike the girls have stolen from them has a whopping six thousand dollars in stolen money hidden in a pouch (where the money came from isn't explained, or maybe it just wasn't interesting enough to remember?) Somehow this all ties in with an escaped killer called the AxeMan, who is also after the few thousand dollars the girls unknowingly have in their possession. The main biker is a Ted Nugent lookalike with a silly voice, the "biker" gang rides dirt bikes, people are shot with no obvious effects other than having to wear a small bandage, and guns which reload themselves are all on tap in this no budget Z-movie. The climactic chase has the fat, bald, sweater wearing axe killer chasing the girls on a glorified riding mower- oooh, now that's scary.

This is nothing more than a 1960s biker movie plot, crossed with a female exploitation movie, with traces of a horror movie, which looks like its screenplay was found after it sat in a trash can for the past 40 years, and updated on a minuscule budget. It's too low budget to be a good action movie, but not unintentionally bad enough to be enjoyable in a "so bad it's good" way. Watching Darlena Tejeiro's bouncy tits was probably the highlight of this otherwise unwatchable flick, but there's not enough skin shown either. A big disappointment all around, and a confusing one as well, with too many characters and unanswered questions for its own good.

The movie begins with a brutal killing, as a killer on the loose is introduced, followed by the introduction of two sexy girls. Now that's a beginning in my book. Roger Corman would be proud. What follow is really not the traditional horror movie fare, as it becomes more of an action adventure featuring some cool chases with bikers, and a real campy chase between an ATV and a station wagon loaded with the hot female leads being chased by the loony killer. I found the film enormously entertaining, and appreciated the fact that the filmmakers did not take the film too seriously, as many of the horror/action films do. The film was funny at times, and the quirky characters added humor to the ever twisting plot. There are some unpredictable surprises that caught me of guard and I enjoyed the handling of the action scenes, especially the biker's chase. The rock climbing chase was unique, although I must admit, the girls acting was a bit below par, but at least they did not have to scream throughout the movie, like in so many of the films in that genre. It was a welcome surprises to see Jason London in a different type of role. The campy tone of the film was refreshing. An entertaining popcorn movie with a beer or coke chaser, depending on your age.

Now this is a seriously decent thriller with a vicious, relentless bad guy:a sort of homicidal Energiser Bunny who weighs 280 pounds and whose brain has long since died. There is great deal of ax-work and lots of tension. Jessica Biel had a way of filling blue jeans in Texas Chainsaw Massacre and now please welcome slender, blonde Andrea Bogart whose nether cheeks are tightly packaged in a pair of size 0 low-rise snuggies and, in a couple of motel scenes, a pair of tight boy-shorts. In a supporting role, Fiona Loewi is extremely hot and shamefully underused even though she does bring the curtain down. Well worth buying or renting. Exciting and well-acted.

That's what you get with this movie. That's about all you get with this movie. I am not kidding when I say that two damsels in distress get harassed at a dive bar by a gang (leather jackets, motor-huckle boots, you name it) that has driven up to the bar. On dirt bikes! A hahahahahahahaha! Oh man, I have to give credit where it's due, because when this scene unfolded before my eyes, it was the equivalent of cinemtic masturbatory bliss! I have never laughed so hard in my life! Oh, you also get ATV chases, more dirt bikes, rock climbing, and some escaped ape of a dude who goes around "axing" people. Seriously, if you have somehow stumbled upon the hell which is this movie, watch it just for that scene alone. You'll dig it, man! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!