L'affaire Van Haken

This is one of those films that makes me wonder about the integrity of a lot of film reviewers. In this very same forum, you will find a guy who talks about all of the Steven Seagal films he has seen that he didn't like. Then why watch his movies? It's as if every action film is supposed to live up to the Godfather movies or something. I just don't get it. This film was a pleasure to see. A very polished and professional production. The movie has some interesting plot twists that no doubt can get the lazy of mind in a twist, waiting for the pieces to come together. But like all good directors, Michael Oblowitz makes you wait to the END of the film to find out the answers. As opposed to the BEGINNING of the film like some of the savant reviewers seem to think it should be. In my opinion Steven Seagal is one of the few action movie people who actually made significant improvement in acting skills as their careers developed. You want to see exceptional acting? Watch Steven in the scene from Glimmer Man, when as Jack Cole he tells his wife that he is going to have to tell his kids that their mother is dead. If you can watch that scene and honestly say that you think he can't act, then maybe you should stick to the Oscars. And even then, just about every actor that has won an Oscar has had their share of stinkers. Seagal makes great action films. Certainly better than most of the Chuck Norris films, most of the Stalone films, and most of the Schwarzenegger films (his comedy is good but Arnolds action acting on his best day isn't as good as Seagals).

1/2 out of ****

The most painfully boring action movie I've seen since (insert any recent Steven Seagal venture), I'm starting to wonder if satiating my morbid curiosity over the next Seagal disaster is worth wasting time for the hell I endure. To date, I have not genuinely enjoyed any of the man's movies (well, not entirely true, Executive Decision was excellent, but not Seagal's movie, thankfully) and it's almost always because of him. With a few exceptions, I can easily picture different stars in his past roles that would have made these subpar action pictures superior to...well, how they turned out with Mr. Expressionless himself.

Such is the case with The Foreigner, which stars Steven Seagal as Jonathon Cold, a mysterious guy who delivers packages. Gasp, it's like The Transporter, only without the hugely charismatic lead and thrilling action sequences. I'd delve further into The Foreigner's plot, if only I understood what the hell was going on. The basic premise is that Cold's latest package is something everyone wants to get their hands on and they'll kill him for it.

But not a single plot point is the slightest bit comprehensible. Supporting characters appear at random, looking for the package, rarely ever establishing a clear reason why the want or need it. Excruciating monologue upon excruciating monologue is inserted into the script to no avail; I wonder if the actors involved even understood what they were saying or doing. The movie's silly, too, with Seagal's character acting in ways that might seem clever to a five-year old (switch cars with someone else, give bad guy a fake package), which apparently means most of these bad guys aren't much smarter than your average kindergartener.

After Exit Wounds, The Foreigner became (mostly) a return to typical Seagal. Like his previous early works, the title could be used to describe Seagal's character (i.e. Steven Seagal is...Out for Justice, Marked for Death, Above the Law, Hard to Kill), the fight scenes are almost as short as those in The Patriot, and the lead villain is pathetically easy to defeat in hand-to-hand combat. In an attempt to give the movie style, director Michael Oblowitz applies slow motion to the shootouts, sometimes also speeding up the footage. How exactly he thinks this could do anything for the movie (especially for action scenes as short as these) is baffling.

As usual, Seagal is wooden as ever, proving himself the worst actor ever to have been considered a star. He's also getting chubbier, usually hiding his weight gain with abnormally large coats. If someone else, say Jason Statham, had this role instead, the movie's quality would easily jump up a *, as plot incomprehensibility could still be made somewhat bearable with a charismatic lead (which Statham amply provides).

I read somewhere The Foreigner is originally slated for a theatrical release, but after Half Past Dead bombed, the studio dumped this into the video market almost immediately. So the movie should be very availabe at your nearest rental store, but I suggest you ignore it, even if you are a Seagal fan, and check The Transporter out instead, just to see why Jason Statham will be cinema's next big action star and how a movie about a guy who delivers packages can be made with style.

This movie seems somewhat promising at first, but quickly spirals into a pointless mesh of betrayal and murder. As just about everyone who's posted before me has said, this film basically follows a series of nameless, faceless people around looking for a package. In the process, roughly half of Poland's population is shot in the chest by a guy who must smoke a carton of cigarettes in the mercifully brief 90 minute running time. I don't remember the names of any of these characters or the actors who portrayed them. All I can say is that I'm sure everyone involved has seen better days.

And what's up with the editing in this movie? Does the guy in charge of postproduction really think slowing down and then quickly speeding up the film is going to add anything to the experience? Was writing a coherent story out of the question? Keep in mind these are all rhetorical questions. I intend to forget this travesty before I even hit the "submit" button.

Im hoping this was made before Half Past Dead and Exit Wounds because it was rubbish, Seagal wasnt to blame it was down to the crap directing when the few action scenes took place. The plot was also confusing and basically just felt rushed out, maybe it was shelved and released to capitalise on Seagals newer films??

3/10

He's not through yet, bring on Under Siege 3 and loose some weight!

STAR RATING:*****Unmissable****Very Good***Okay**You Could Go Out For A Meal Instead*Avoid At All Costs

Steven Seagal should have got a better agent.After Exit Wounds miraculously went straight to number one at the US box office and temporarily restored his position as a top ranking Hollywood action star,his next step was not to go for a leading role in a film by another big name,Hollywood action director like John Woo or Michael Bay,or even his old aquaintance Andrew Davis,but to go to trashy,sloppy DTV action director Albert Pyun and appear in a supporting role in a Godawful piece of dreck by the name of Ticker.This,did,however,go straight to video (as just about every film Pyun's ever made has) and probably went unnoticed by the cinema going public.However,when the film Half Past Dead was released a year later,in which Mr.Ponytail co starred with gravel voiced rap midget Ja Rule,the gimmick appeared to have worn off,and the film,unlike EW which started the whole Seagal/rappers thing,was a mega flop.Maybe it had something to do with it being released on the same weekend as Harry Potter 2,but nevertheless,flop it was,and now,Seagal appears to have plummeted smack-bang right to the position his career was in five years ago with the straight-to-video action movie The Foreigner,a labourous,over-stylised dud that runs for 92 minutes,but ends up feeling more like 992.

This is probably owed more than anything to a totally incomprehensible plot,with too many thinly plotted twists,turns and red herrings in it to sustain interest.

Seagal's raspy voice has always seemed to prove a hinderance to any movie he's in,but he mumbles so badly at certain stages in this,even the highest pitched dolby pro logic sound system probably couldn't make him sound any more audible.

Aside from this,the movie,especially for a 15 certificate,is full of gratuitous violence,mainly in the form of graphic shootings,especially from the Dunoir character.There are some other rather grisly images too,but the shootings are certainly the most consistent.

Certain scenes have a nice visual flair,and the action's not bad,but overall,this is a ponderous mess that shows clearly the direction in which Seagal's star is falling.**