Le garde du corps

Even if you are a die-hard Sonny Chiba fan there is no reason to see this snooze-fest. However, watch the first five minutes for a tacked-on bit shot at a Times Square dojo in the mid-'70's that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film. That sequence is so badly-acted and ludicrous that you'll wet yourself laughing! The sequence goes something like this:

CAMERA PANS UP STAIRCASE, GOES INTO DOJO.

An Hispanic martial arts guy does a pointless routine with two pair of nunchaku ("chucks") and comments to an Italian-looking karate guy "That's how Bruce Lee woulda done it!" The Italian guy says "That's pretty good, but here's how Sonny Chiba woulda done it!" He then proceeds to approximate some of Chiba's trademark moves from THE STREET FIGHTER on some poor student. After leaving the poor student hanging by his nuts, the two martial artists rub their chins and muse "I wonder what Sonny Chiba's doing now?" Then the movie lurches to a start. You may now turn off your vcr and do something useful like eat your own earwax.

For masochists. 1976's The Bodyguard is a grade Z Karate opera that gives proof that the martial arts craze of 30 years ago was just that, crazy. Unless you like to watch film stock wasted, don't buy this incompetent junk. I got it at Wally World and thought it would be a hoot. It wasn't.

What makes this stuff so mindbogglingly, stupefyingly, crushingheadachingly bad isn't that it's all of those adjectives and so much more. It's because there are folks who just can't get enough of this Kungfoolishness.

Hell, there are people in this country who collect Precious Moments figurines, too, so I guess we're all even.

Beginning with a recitation of Ezekiel 25:17 (later, memorably used in "Pulp Fiction"), "The Bodyguard" is a tacky but fun Shin'ichi "Sonny" Chiba vehicle. He plays Kiba, who returns to Japan after some time in NYC, and is now a man on a mission, waging a one-man war on drugs. To further his aim, he hires on as bodyguard to the pretty Reiko Miwa (Mari Atsumi), who is definitely not playing it straight with him.

"The Bodyguard" is cheesy in so many departments: script, dialogue, supporting performances, etc. It's actually priceless how bad this is. Don't waste time trying to scrutinize THIS story, just enjoy the mayhem, of which there is a fair amount.

Overall, this is definitely a lesser Chiba movie, but it's so endlessly amusing that I was entertained, start to finish. It really doesn't give the star that many opportunities to strut his stuff, but there are some hysterical over-the-top gore gags, including a severed arm and a severed head. And the bad guys are a truly scummy (and supposedly colorful) lot, who ham it up something fierce whenever they get mowed down. They are also some of the STUPIDEST bad guys you'll ever see in an action movie.

"The Bodyguard" is garbage, plain and simple, but for me it was pretty agreeable in its badness. It's the kind of thing I'd recommend that you watch with your friends and some beers.

There are brief, pointless cameos by Aaron Banks and Bill Louie in the early parts of the U. S. version.

Six out of 10.

Now I'm more of a Bruce Lee fan than a Sonny Chiba, but I always admired his films. The Street Fighters series is awesome, but this is one of his films I'm half in half on. Don't get me wrong it had it's moments, but it was just too fast for it's own good.

Sonny plays himself and offers himself to be a bodyguard to anyone who knows about the flood of illegal drugs. And this is where the film goes nowhere into endless action and cheap yet gruesome deaths.

If you are a die hard Chiba fan than get this, if not then my friend you are sadly in for a sour treat. A treat into weird camera angles of violence and stupid dialog that comes great for Chiba, but lame for others.

(1973) The Bodyguard/ Bodyguard Kiba (In Japanese with English subtitles) ACTION

Co-written and directed by Ryûichi Takamori which at the opening has one gang being slaughtered by gunfire by another rival gang upon them coming out of a court house. We then see four members of the "Black April" gang single handedly killed by karate martial artist, Naoto Kiba (Sonny Chiba) upon their attempt to hijack a plane with passengers and demanding a ransom. And when Kiba is congratulated on front of reporters part of a press conference, he is there to promote his karate school, before offering his services as a "bodyguard"- hence the title. And it is not long before he meets his first client, a lady approaches him which he demanded the fee of 10 million yen. Before after the incident regarding his sister, Maki, attempting to retrieve the client, Reiko Miwa (Mari Atsumi) checkbook in her car, she is then gets hijacked by 4 or 5 men, knocked her unconscious nude on the middle of the road, boasted Kiba's fee from 10 million yen to 50 million. And halfway through, viewers are oblivious why so many criminals are after her. And as it turns out, Reiko Miwa happens to own a suitcase full of cocaine, a criminal syndicate gang called "Yellow Mafia" are after her for, as well as three owners of a small club want the briefcase as well. Own the suitcase without paying her a single penny that is.

Like Chiba's "Street Fighter" movies, it has about the same amount of gory violence as other those other films he was synonymous during the 1970's and one single nude scene. The violence is reminiscent to the Baby Cart movies which instead of a sword used doing the chopping we see karate used to chopping limbs and so forth- we even see a decapitated head. The problem is that if watched enough films, one can almost predict the entire direction of the movie itself, which without some of the few innovative karate fights and shootings, it would have been a hit or miss for me.