Killer Barbys

I'd been warned this was bad before I watched it, but nothing could prepare me for just HOW bad! If this was made by some nameless hack I would have watched it and immediately forgotten about it, but as it's directed by Jess Franco, the man responsible for cult favourites like 'Vampyros Lesbos', 'Succubus', 'Eugenie De Sade', 'A Virgin Among The Living Dead', 'Sadisterotica' and 'Faceless', I couldn't help but be a little depressed... 'Killer Barbys' is absolute garbage any way you look at it and a sad low point for Franco. It's very hard to think of one good thing to say about it. Okay, The Barbies lead singer Silvia Superstar is pretty hot and their song 'Love Killer' isn't bad and rocks in a similar way to The Muffs or The Donnas. That's about it for praise. Apart from that, this movie stinks. Franco has done wonders on minimal budgets before in his long career, so that's no excuse for how poor this is. There are some talented people in the cast too - spaghetti western regular Aldo Sambrell, who will be a familiar face to Sergio Leone fans, co-star of the wonderful 'The Day Of The Beast' Santiago Segura, and Mariangela Giordano ('The Sect'). But the script is awful, the special effects lame, and the dubbing on the DVD I watched atrocious. If you hold Jess Franco in high esteem like I do, it's best to avoid this rubbish. You'll just feel cheated and sad. Highly UNrecommended!

Jesús Franco's late work Killer Barbys is a mixed bag to me - it got some real good fun gore and horror scenes and some schlocky, sexy fun too, but there are, sadly, some rather lengthy and boring parts too, that weaken the experience rather considerably. Anyway, Killer Barbys is still recommendable to the die-hard connoisseur of Jesús Franco's oeuvre, who just craves for new junk food, but if you are new to his work I would recommend rather other movies to enter the maestro's wonderland of trash, cheese and schlock: Count Dracula, Vampyros Lesbos, Bloody Moon, and Venus in Furs are good movies to begin your journey. Exact rate: 3.5.

This is not a completely horrible movie but it still is one that is about nothing really and all of its events lead to nowhere, making this one pointless and extremely forgettable movie to watch.

I really think that Jesus Franco is one of the worst directors of all time. But fair is fair, this movie is not half as bad as most of the other stuff he has done over the decades. Oneliners like 'worst movie ever!', 'completely unwatchable' or 'uttertrash' really don't apply to this movie.

But obviously this movie is not a great one either. It's not just a problem that the movie it's story is about nothing but it's more so a problem that the the storytelling is lacking focus. There is not really one clear main character and everything seems to happen at random. So the one moment we are having a killing, the other a sex scene and then there is a midget popping up as well every now and then. Why? Just because they could! It's not like any of it is really serving a purpose for its story. Focus Jesus Franco, focus!

Like you could expect from a trashy Jesus Franco movie, there is plenty of nudity in it, as well as sex sequences. Problem I always have with these moments in basically every Jesus Franco movie is that they serve absolutely no purpose and all and it always makes me think that they are only put in the movie to please Jesus Franco himself and to live his own fantasies. Even now, while he is in his 80's, he's still doing this sort of stuff.

The gimmick of this movie is that it stars a Spanish punk rock band in it, called "Killer Barbies" who are basically playing themselves but they were forced to change the title for this movie for the obvious reason. Don't really know the reasons for the band members to appear in this particular movie, since it doesn't seem like the most logical thing to boost your career with, especially not when Jesus Franco is at the helm of it all. But apparently they all had a good time, since they actually made a sequel to this movie, 6 years later, called "Killer Barbys vs. Dracula".

But besides this gimmick, it's a real run of the mill movie from Jesus Franco, that got made in 1996 but actually feels like the sort of stuff he used to make in the '70's and '80's already. Even seems to me they are still using the same sound effects as well, as well as all of the same gore effects and tricks. And they still believe they can shoot night sequences during the day time and think they can get away with it. This is seriously often one of the most distracting things about any low-budget horror production.

Perhaps not as bad as its current reputation and also far from the worst thing Jesus Franco has ever done but it clearly isn't a very good movie either.

4/10

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Perhaps the worst dubbing in history, this movie features many scenes with characters' lips still moving long after the dubbed track had already spoken. It was very frustrating. On top of that, the entire movie made little sense. It was completely disjointed. The filmmakers tried to weird it up by having a couple of psychotic midgets thrown into the mix, but the result was just pathetic. There are countless scenes where bandmembers (Killer Barbys are a real band) are having sex in a van, and the baddies are hovering around, opening doors, stealing things, placing objects, yet are never even so much as noticed by the lovemakers. There are equally moronic scenes of the baddies chasing after a naked woman in the woods. She looks like she is running in slowmotion and has to keep waiting for her pursuers to catch up. Then there is some subplot involving some ancient vampiress who must drink young blood to regain her youth, yet when she does, she becomes some 65-year old had been! She is supposed to be this beauty who seduces the lead singer, yet she is easily old enough to be his grandmother!

They tried to throw in a few corpses to add to the horror, yet they were so obviously rubber it was ridiculous. One of the henchmen carries one through the castle, and you can repeatedly see him bang it against walls only to have it snap back into shape.

There are A-movie, B-movies, and then there are Killer Barby movies. This one is so bad, it doesn't even deserve a letter from the alphabet. Call it a double-Z.

In KILLER BARBYS, the rock band of the same name -led by Flavia (Sylvia Superstar)- happen upon a remote castle after their vehicle breaks down.

Said castle is the home of an ancient Countess (Mariangela Giordano) who happens to be a vampire, and she's very thirsty! It's not long before our heroes are being killed off by The Countess' henchman and his eeevil dwarfs!

KILLER BARBYS is another wonky, erotic spook-fest from Director Jess Franco. It contains the requisite gore, nudity, and a semi-cohesive story line.

EXTRA POINTS FOR: The Countess! She's hot, ruthless, and downright animalistic!

Gorehounds will want to stick around for the death-by-steamroller denouement...