Hudson Hawk, gentleman et cambrioleur

I'm torn on HUDSON HAWK. After watching it, part of me went, "What the hell was that?" But another part suggested that maybe I wasn't hip enough to "get" what it was trying to do. Part of me thought it was a completely ridiculous waste of time. Part of me thought it was just good, clean fun.

Though certainly not for everybody, there are enough redeeming qualities in HUDSON HAWK to avert its dismissal as a multimillion-dollar turkey. Bruce Willis is Eddie "Hudson Hawk" Hawkins, a cat burglar intent on retiring but who is forced to steal Da Vinci works of art for a (gasp!) world domination plot. Along for the ride are Tommy Five-Tone (Danny Aiello), mysterious nun Anna Baragli (Andie MacDowell) and conniving bad guy George Kaplan (recognize that name?) played by the late James Coburn.

The plot sounds like it could have made for a good DIE HARD-style caper, but director Michael Lehmann had other ideas. As he reveals in the DVD version's audio commentary, HUDSON HAWK was meant first and foremost as a comedy. Trouble is, it was promoted more as a Bruce Willis action blockbuster. Audiences were left scratching their heads as their favorite tough guy engaged in Stooge-like slapstick, sipped cappuccino and, most astoundingly, crooning Crosby classics.

Not that mistaken expectations are the only thing wrong here. Indeed HUDSON HAWK is simply too silly for its own good. The gags frequently fall flat, nearly embarrassing the talented performers involved. The plot is overly convoluted, and Richard E. Grant and Sandra Bernhard as the villainous Mayflowers are a bit hard to take. At its lowest points, you'll be astounded something like this could receive a theatrical release.

To get the most out of HUDSON HAWK, go in with an open mind. It's unlike anything you've seen before -- in both good and bad ways.

In May of 1991 the world was just not ready for Hudson Hawk, and apparently this caused a lot of confusion in the marketing department. How on Earth were they supposed to sell this strange oddity of a film? Eventually they settled on Bruce Willis brand recognition and built an ad campaign that would promote it as a sort of Die Hard-lite. When audiences eventually found out it was an absurdist, cartoon caper comedy they didn't quite know what to make of it and it was widely panned by critics and filmgoers alike. Not fair. Hudson Hawk is actually a wonderful little movie with a reputation is simply doesn't deserve.

By the time July of 1991 rolled around the movie was getting its UK premier and the ad campaign had changed to play up the comedy and adventure more than the action. I remember 10-year-old me (already a Die Hard and Willis fan) sitting alone in a screen at the old UCI cinema in Kinnaird Park thinking "this looks awesome". If a kid could tell the difference...

Being a 15-rating here in the UK (and rated R in the US) I had to wait until it hit home video. As soon as the end credits rolled I was fascinated by this new Cappuccino thing that Hawk was always harping on about. It became my go-to beverage whenever and wherever it was being served (an idiosyncrasy that has since been ruined by the horrific advent of "fashionable coffee"). As you can tell, I've been a fan of Hudson Hawk since I was a kid.

Bruce Willis is Eddie Hawkins, the world's greatest cat-burglar, who is determined to go straight after a long stretch in prison. Too bad for him that an assortment of eccentric villains are determined to force him to do their dirty work in a crazy world domination plot. Take the usual tropes of James Bond, Crosby and Hope, the Pink Panther, and retro heist movies and you'll have something close to what Hudson Hawk attempts to be. It is handsomely shot in real European locations with lots of quotable dialogue courtesy of Daniel Waters who co-wrote the script with Die Hard scribe Steven E. De Souza, based on Willis' original ideas. Yes, Bruce Willis created Hudson Hawk himself.

The movie is far from perfect though, even the biggest Hudson Hawk fans know that. It is way too complicated and will take several viewings just to fully grasp what the hell is going on. However, even in 1991 it seemed that De Souza and Waters knew that the European Union and forthcoming "single currency market" would be a terrible idea. The plot to ruin the world economy would probably be lauded in these more politically turbulent times.

Also,the literal bookends are an indulgence too far, and Andie McDowell (a last minute replacement for Isabella Rossellini and Maruschka Detmers) is just about tolerable in a role that she clearly didn't understand. The scene where she feigns mental illness by speaking in Dolphin-ish is yet another eccentricity that the film could have done without. But the main fault here is the swearing. The cast are dropping f-bombs and mofos all over the place and it just doesn't sit well the overall tone. There is absolutely no reason why Hudson Hawk should have been anything more than a PG. When I was 10-years-old I was overdosing on episodes of The Young Ones (a similarly anarchic and crazy TV show) and this movie really appealed to me. I do believe that kids and family audiences were the people that Hudson Hawk should have been sold to and the R-rating harmed the films appeal a lot.

McDowell aside, the cast are all either wonderfully over-the-top or strangely quirky. From James Coburn's enthusiastic CIA crook, to a restrained David Caruso as the mute Kit Kat. He doesn't even have any lines and he has a character arc. If you are in need of light- hearted, good-natured entertainment then Hudson Hawk never fails. It is a real shame that this never had the chance to develop into a franchise. If so we might have been spared the awfulness of Die Hard 4 and 5.

Hudson Hawk has the dubious distinction of being the final film produced by TriStar Pictures prior to their being bought out by the Sony Corporation and merged with Columbia Pictures.

Plot In A Paragraph: Hudson Hawk, the worlds greatest cat burglar, has just been released from prison in New York. He is immediately blackmailed in to stealing some of Da Vinci's finest work in order to aid a world domination plot.

Bruce Willis gives one of his worst performances as Eddie Hawkins/Hudson Hawk, likewise Danny Aiello is not up to his usual standard as Tommy Hawks best mate, Andie MacDowell is very blah as Anna, Hawks love interest. David Caruso and Frank Stallone are both fine in their supporting roles. However Sandra Bernhard and Richard E. Grant are simply awful. Cringeworthy bad. They ruin EVERY scene they are in.

The movie doesn't seem to know what it wants to be, a slapstick comedy or an action adventure, and sadly ends up being neither.

One thing I did like was a running joke in the movie that has Hudson and his partner Tommy (Aiello) singing songs concurrently but separately, to time and synchronize their exploits. Willis-Aiello duets of Bing Crosby's "Swinging on a Star" and Paul Anka's "Side by Side" are a bit of fun in an otherwise mixed bag.

This movie has no logic to it, it's as ridiculous as many Hong Kong action are and just as much fun! The audience I saw it with liked it a lot. This is not great art, but it is great B movie escapism at its finest. Richard E. Grant does a great job of chewing up the scenery as the over the top bad guy, I even liked the "Swingin' On A Star" duet between Bruce and Danny. Bruce Willis is also ultra cool as the wisecracking master thief, Hudson Hawk. And hey, how can you not love a movie with lines like, "Slurp my butt"? Anh? Ciao!

A movie that I've never understood the critics' response against. Yes, it's primarily a Bruce Willis ego-trip. Who cares? It's a _fun_ Bruce Willis ego-trip. He smirks, smartmouths, struts, sings, and strides through every scene. But he still doesn't manage to steal the thunder of Danny Aiello, James Coburn and his band of covert agents, and Sandra Bernhard and Richard Grant in a truly bizarre series of sequences as eccentric (to put it mildly) billionaires. Andie MacDowell doesn't make much of a romantic lead, but even she gets a goofball sequence when she starts speaking in Dolphin-ish.