Dinosaur Island

My friends must tire of hearing me say, "I watch the bad movies so you don't have to." I average about 600 movies a year (really)...and most of them are bad. DI wouldn't even make it into the bottom 100 movies I've seen, in spite of what some reviewers have stated. It is obviously self-mocking and completely tongue-in-cheek, intended as a bit of soft-core disposable fluff. There are absolutely no pretensions.

As far as the FX, I've seen much worse in many recent independent (and major studio) releases. Plus, the editing is coherent (even if the continuity is deliberately uneven) and you can actually hear the dialogue.

As far as the plot, it actually has one, even if it's as silly as a Carol Burnett sketch. (BTW, the "healing boobs" scene is pretty sly.) Anyway, there's a lot more pretentious junk than this to watch, so give it a try some evening when you've had a few drinks and you need something disposable.

I can't help but enjoy this movie. It's a jiggle-movie that manages to make fun of jiggle-movies. Whether or not this was intended is irrelevant. One can very plainly tell that the cast and crew are NOT taking themselves seriously on this project. The dinosaurs appear to be recycled from the Carnosaur movies, with no regard for achieving realism. The filmmakers have a great time using the oldest effects tricks in the book for this movie. Again, like a lot of movies, this one is the type that is best enjoyed by those who enjoy a good, BAD movie.

This movie is so bad, that it's actually somewhat likable. This has everything that a bad movie should have, including horrible dialogue, laughable special effects, and women who were cast because of their cup sizes. But unlike many atrocious movies, this one didn't bore me, and I actually enjoyed a few scenes. I wouldn't go so far as to recommend it, but it does have a certain charm.

*SPOILER ALERT* *SPOILER ALERT*

It's 10:00 p.m. on Friday night and I just had a shot of jack and finished off my third beer. This party is out of control! I just watched "Dinosaur Island" followed by an episode of "Black Tie Nights" on Cinemax. This couple was on a date and then they had sex. That's the show. Genius eh?

Speaking of genius, "Dinosaur Island" was a T&A spectacular. Three army guys crash land on the island of the prehistoric breast implants. They must prove themselves worthy of their big bouncy affection by slaying the really cheap dinosaur that prowls the island. The girls are confused by the new arrivals in their midst. "What is this thing you men call love?" The guys are ready to shed the cavegirl's clothes and get this party started on a Saturday night.

Once again, I must give praise where it's due. Michelle Bauer is the real deal. As the women pair off with the men, Michelle chooses the fattest loser to hook up with. She gives hope to all of us dorks out here every time she rips off her bra. Thank you Michelle for getting naked for us again. There are plenty of other women who take their tops off as well. So that's good too.

All of the dinosaur scenes were ridiculously cheap but I didn't mind. You don't think I actually watched this for the dinosaurs do you? Of course not. Anyway, "Dinosaur Island" is a good T&A flick. It's worth a look for B-movie lovers.

One last thing, keep an eye out for Nikki Fritz who shows up at the very beginning of the movie. I thought she looked familiar but I didn't realize it was her until after the credits rolled. She is the High Priestess who has her breasts painted blue and dances around like a stripper. Apparently the dinosaur is attracted to the human sacrifice by the hypnotic gyrations of cavewoman pole dancing.

With an old school fantasy artwork front cover I was drawn to Dinosaur Island even though I knew from experience this was likely to be not only a T&A film but also pretty darn bad.

Regarding the T&A there is plenty, yet somehow someway it is not only tasteful but mostly directly related to the plot.

Regarding the quality it's a mixed bag. The movie actually looks quite good, the location and costume design is solid but when the sfx come into the equation it all falls apart. I'm not saying the sfx are bad I'm saying they're awful. The dinosaurs are stop motion animation and looked at home back in the 60's so there is no excuse for a 1994 film.

Yes the film isn't supposed to be taken seriously and is essentially a comedy but those sfx are beyond bad.

Thankfully the script is okay and there are genuine laughs to be had, the whole movie reminded me of Cave Girl (1985) except Cave Girl didn't reach beyond its means and had far more of a charm.

For what it is Dinosaur Island isn't bad but as a whole it's not something I could ever confidently recommend to anyone.

The Good:

Some decent efforts at humour

Tasteful well done T&A scenes

The Bad:

SFX that were on point in the 60's

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Trained military with automatic weapons will have no effect on a raging t-rex but a bunch of scantily clad girls with sticks will scare it off

Boobs squeezing is the no.1 fighting technique for amazons

The infamous beast of the cave is the offspring of a xenomorph and a muppet