Opération panthère noire

You know, it takes a big man to do a good job at a hard task. But it takes an even bigger man to admit he what he cannot do, and then strive to do what he does best. That is Andy Sidaris in a nutshell. True, while he'll never be the next Steven Speilberg, he is truly a master at the task which is presented to him: B-movies. I have only seen three of his films and can tell this already. Enemy Gold is one of them. This film is a slap in the face to those who say that the exploitation of Sex, violence, and rock-&-roll are wrong, and then rubs the slap down with a little ice. What I'm trying to say is, that this movie, while not entirely wholesome, is still a good movie, no matter how you slice it. The enormous juggs are just a way of keeping peoples attention.

"Enemy Gold" marks a turning point in Andy Sidaris' filmography: his son Christian is sitting in the director's chair, and Dona Speir, Roberta Vasquez and Cynthia Brimhall are gone. The female lead this time is Suzi Simpson, and she is quite a find (I wonder why Sidaris didn't use her again): she has a great body (no matter what angle you look at it from), combined with a sweet, innocent face and a cute smile; she is appealing in the same way that Hope Marie Carlton was, plus she fights a bit more than other Sidaris heroines. Tai Collins, as a higher-in-command agent, is another total knockout, and Julie Strain, as an assassin-for-hire, is like a mythological Amazon come to life. Looking at this woman is much better than listening to her - her delivery turns her character into camp. The pacing of the movie lags in the second half, and when it's all over you have the feeling (as with other Sidaris movies) that it could have been much better. But what is there on the screen is still enjoyable - some of the lines are funny and all of the women are sexy. (**1/2)

Another cheap and silly thriller from the Andy Sidaris stable, this one actually made by his son. Julie Strain, the pneumatic scream queen of the 1990s, co-stars. The story is about the usual wooden good guy agents battling criminals and at the same time uncovering a cache of civil war gold, leading to more action. The only emphasis is on pin up models wearing very little, and it's all rather silly, although fairly well shot for its budget.

'Enemy Gold' is the first sequel Andy Sidaris's son took over directing duties, but it follows formula. Low level action, simple plot and requisite female nudity. Established faces Bruce Penhall, Mark Barriere, Rodrigo Obregon & Julie Strain return as existing or new characters. While Suzi Simpson - a former Playmate - makes her debut & only appearance.

Agents Cannon (Penhall), Austin (Barriere) & Becky Midnite (Simpson) bust a drug op angering Bolivian dealer Santiago (Obregon). Suspended by an annoying superior, their boss Ava Noble (Tai Collins) tries to sort things out. In their downtime, they search for some fabled lost Civil War gold while Santiago brings in hired killer Jewel Panther (Strain) to take them out and a betrayal is revealed.

I understand the series charm, but I don't consider myself a fan. This entry is a perfect example as to why. 'The Dallas Connection' was one of the first T&A movies I saw and although it gave me an appreciation for both Julie Strain and Julie K. Smith, I didn't think much of the action or story. What's on display here feels ten times lower. The best thing is Obregon chewing up the scenery, spouting bad guy b-movie dialog.

Supplying the parts anyone really cares about - Suzi hops in the shower twice (first within 10 mins) and supplies one sex scene (33 mins in). Tai reveals the goods in a sauna / shower combo (21 mins in) and has sex near the end. Two strippers & bad guy have a brief shower three-way. Leaving Julie to strut her stuff in a bikini & go topless near a campfire wielding a sword in the latter half.

'Enemy Gold' isn't the series high point, but still feels like a Sidaris flick. The action is nothing to write home about per usual. Lacking from this entry is some cheesy allure and more abundance of boobs. Could have used more humor too, but it's not like they were shooting for the moon here. Die hard fans will be satisfied though.

This movie is in a league of its own. Caught this on Beer Goggle Vision on Spike TV at 2am, and it reaches the final frontier of B rated (C rated) movies.

The conversion between the producers of the movie must have went something like this.

Exec 1: "Hey, so we got these two playboy chicks, maybe we should make a movie with them"

Exec 2: "Ok, but we will need a plausible story line that will work with their gigantic breasts, and lack of acting ability"

Exec 1: "True, I've got just the thing. Let's stick in Bruce Penhall and Mark Berrier into the movie. Next to them Suzi Simpson will look like Elizabeth Taylor."

Exec 2: "Fantastic, but whats the plot"

Exec 1: "Lets go with the usual. Special agents fighting a drug lord. They find some diary, and look for gold"

Exec 2: "Brilliant!"

Exec 1: "We can call it Enemy Gold"

Exec 2: "I like it! Also, we can get the one of the A Team directors to helm the film"

Exec 1: "Okay, lets start shooting tomorrow. I want this in theatres next month"

So yeh, that sums it up. If you need a good laugh, grab some smokes, some beer and some friends and you got the night made.