Legend of the Roller Blade Seven

I saw the worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life over the weekend.

I know people use "worst ever" all the time and don't literally mean it, but I just want to say I'm being completely serious.

Legend of the Rollerblade Seven.

NOTHING about this movie makes sense. The narrator is, apparently, a fat guy playing bongos while two bondage geared strippers writhe around in front of him, in the middle of some desert. Everyone else spends their time rolling around aimlessly in drainage ditches. Occasionally it will cut to some insane guy in a wheel chair (strangely, the best actor in the movie) who goes on unintelligible rants where he says things like "I want to get on a skateboard ... and fly away" and basically just repeats himself over and over for 5 minutes at a time. People also have a fondness for randomly teleporting around, dying and coming back to life without explanation, and having entire scenes where no one is actually speaking but the voices are dubbed over (I guess they're supposed to be communicating telepathically, but why? WHY?), etc.

There are a few cherished moments that made me cry with laughter. I would say that the song at the end is worth the purchase or rental of this movie alone; I pretty much couldn't breathe and was kicking feebly in the air as I rolled around with tears streaming down my face. The rest of the film, however, is just excruciating.

If you have the means to acquire this movie, I would suggest you do it, because if you can make it through this, you will be be fully mentally and physically prepared for any traumatic events to occur for the rest of your life.

This is one of the greatest Art Films I have ever seen. Nothing like this has ever been done before or after. It is inspirational and truly pushes the envelope of filmmaking to a new and untouched level.

The composition of cinematography is breathtaking and the editing takes the art to a new height of visual enthrallment.

This film is, admittedly, not for everyone. Many people probably initially watch it to see Scott Shaw do some martial arts -- which is there. But, it is much more than that. It is really more like a 90 minute Music Video than a traditional Action Adventure film. It bombards the senses with a non-stop flow of ever changing sights, sounds, images, and artistic perceptions that most filmmakers are probably afraid to unleash.

The filmmaking team of Jackson/Shaw show that they are true Masters of their craft. This is a true work of art -- for the artist and the true aficionado of Avant-garde cinema.

This film is dire. In fact, not even that is an accurate description of how bad this film is. How anyone survived it is beyond me. The acting is atrocious, the dialogue is meaningless, and the film makers have decided that some shots are so good that we have to see them several times over (especially the last ten minute repeated scene). Why, is a mystery as the shots aren't even any good.

If this film was sold as an introduction to how to make bad films, then all well and good, but even then it is dire. Even the name, The Rollerblade 7 (as sold in the UK) is meaningless as there are never 7 rollerbladers in one shot.

Avoid at all costs, because when I say that it is the worst film I have ever seen, I mean it, and I have seen a few!

We knew that this was going to be a bad film. We watched it with full expectation that we would laugh at its inadequacies. I could not remember laughing so hard at a movie. My friends and I bonded closer together that day when we watched this film. How can you not laugh at such dialogue as "You're going into the wheel zone? There is so much danger!" "So much danger?" "So much danger!" "So much danger?" "So much danger!" and later, "A gift, from the Master of Light Institute! The sacred samurai sword!" "Thanks, Father Donaldo." "It has a lot of killing left in it... go in peace!"

I nearly busted a gut laughing at the comical sword play, the aforementioned dialogue, the scene repetitions, the penchant of many of the actors and actresses not to wear pants, and the overall strangeness of the film. I can see how a lot of things could be symbolic, but to us who do not possess the inside knowledge of the underground film industry, we will never understand the message the director is trying to babble across, and will keep having reactions such as this. I'm certainly going to look at the other two RB7 films from 1991 and 1993 now.

To all the "High Art" folks out there. Please continue to make movies such as these. They may be stirring, inspirational, paragons of genius to you; to me and my friends, they're funnier than just about every mainstream comedian I can think of. Thank you. :-)

How do films like this get made? This is a terrible film. This 'film,' found at my local video store, had an extensive amount of dust on its case and was on the bottom shelf of the sci-fi section. There were very good reasons for this.

If you like the idea of porno women with the iq of Forrest Gump in leotards on rollerskates, this is the film for you. Obviously it has gratuitous nudity. What the hell else would you do with a film like this? I mean the director could have at least turned this into porn. This film would have been much more interesting then. Porno actresses on roller skates in the future. The premise is interesting and arousing. Rollerblade makes baywatch look like intellectual art.

It is not often I get a film and my flatmates jaws drop at the sheer awfulness of it. The effects are possibly the worst I have ever seen in a movie. Plan 9 looks like Lord of the Rings compared to this.

If you are like me and constantly search video stores for the worst amd most exploitative films that you can find, including porn. Then you should see this film just for that. Otherwise avoid this film at all costs. Or drink 2 dozen beers and throw it on, its guaranteed to cure insomnia. I actually fell asleep watching it despite my best efforts.