Warrior Queen

A word of warning: the Warrior Queen available on Amazon Prime is the R-Rated version which runs at a scant 69 minutes, ten minutes less than the director's cut. What did I miss? Well, seeing as this film is from producers Harry Alan Towers and Aristede Massacesi (AKA Joe D'Amato), and porn director Chuck Vincent, I imagine a whole lot of sex and graphic violence.

The shorter version still has its moments though, since not all of the sleaze hit the cutting room floor, with lots of full frontal female nudity and a little gore to make the experience less painful (without it, the film would be close to unwatchable).

The plot for the film is virtually non-existent, with almost an hour of random Roman nonsense before the climactic eruption of Vesuvius and the destruction of Pompeii (largely consisting of scenes from another earlier movie and volcano stock footage). The build-up is a series of unexciting but occasionally bloody gladatorial contests, sleazy slave trading, rape, and assorted acts of deviancy, with Sybil Danning as the titular Warrior Queen, who spends most of her time looking bored and yawning as bumbling Pompeii official Clodius (Donald Pleasence) tries his best to entertain her, pitting his slaves in arm-wrestling to the death and hosting a games in her honour.

Despite Danning and Pleasence's top billing, the real stars of the film are Rick Hill as charioteer Marcus and Tally Chanel as slavegirl Vespa, eye-candy for both sexes. Hunky Hill is all macho posturing while Chanel definitely makes up for the fact that Danning remains clothed throughout, the blonde stunner baring all. Look out too for porn-star Samantha Fox (not the singer) as Clodius's wife Philomena and Lou Ferrigno lookalike Marco Tullio Cau as Goliath, Marcus's rival in the arena.

4.5/10, rounded up to 5 for the hilarious sight of Pleasence catching doves in a net.

Other reviewers have pretty much summed up the general lack of quality of the film, the mistitled "Warrior Queen" which I can only term a 79 minute orgy of soft-core sex and hard-core violence. It has elements of both "Satyricon" and "Caligula" but not half the interest of either of those films, due to a non-existent script. However, it must be noted that two performances hitherto unremarked almost redeem the film: David Cain-Houghton gives a genuinely creepy and decadent portrayal of the owner of Pompeii's premiere whorehouse, a heartless slave-owner who cares nothing for either the female or male flesh he buys and then rents out. Mario Cruciani evokes a great deal of sympathy in his role as the handsome, innocent male slave who tries to protect a young girl sold into the same brothel as himself but only succeeds in bringing greater misfortune on them both. It is truly amazing how these two actors, with very little help from the script, managed to convey their characters so convincingly. Both actors deserved a much better film than this and they are the only two reasons to spend the time watching it.

Every male who was in his teens during the video-boom of the early 80's, must have some affection for the Barbarian/Roman epics which were in abundance. They just about skirted around the soft-porn self-embarrassment issue and could be nonchalantly given to the video shop assistant without too much shiftiness. It was an historical adventure film for the more mature viewer and the fact that this may include the occasional orgy scene, naked whipping, brothels and sumptuous exposed breasts was by the by.

'Warrior Queen' was released as the sub-genre was being replaced with mainstream films which could now get away with graphic simulated sex scenes - 'Fatal Attraction' was released the same year. No tarty business-woman could replace a statuesque, Amazon-like, 6-ft blonde, wielding a huge sword though.

The video cover for 'Warrior Queen' is almost certainly the film's highpoint, featuring a trio of muscular, tanned, bikini-clad beauties. Needless to say, the film itself is pretty crap - although there is just about enough going on to not feel completely cheated.

The film begins with a sub-title informing us that this is "Pompeii, August 22, 79 AD". Sybil Danning is a visiting Queen, entertained by Pompeii's ruler, a shambling Donald Pleasence who was presumably desperate for work. Along the way to the films inevitable conclusion (featuring lots of stock footage of a volcano doing its worst), we are treated to a pretty good slave auction scene; a rubbish arm-wrestling contest, complete with poisoned spikes; a gladiatorial duel featuring Goliath (a baddie, played by a big dumb Steve Reeves/Lou Ferrigno lookalike) against an opponent, both tied to pillars throwing discus's at each other; and a hang-tough contest played over a floor of wooden stakes.

Whilst not up to the standard of Sybil Danning's other Roman epic 'The Seven Magnificent Gladiators'-1983, 'Warrior Queen' provides enough nostalgia to give the viewer an entertaining hour or so of adolescent memories.

Where to begin? The "Warrior Queen" has basically no relevant part in the movie aside from disinterested brooding and maybe a single line of dialogue, the plot is entirely non-existent, and the choreographed fighting looks like bored rehearsals... yet somehow this movie is still frightfully entertaining. It truly defines "so bad it's good" but my god, it is a calamity of indescribable proportions. Everyone must watch this at least once in their lifetime.

Firstly the title n poster is totally misleading. There is no warrior queen present n none of the girls r shown fighting except for one scene where Sybil Danning decapitates a guy who attacks from behind that too without turning around. N in other scene she stabs a guy by throwing a weapon.

The entire half hour is full of softcore sex, lots of nudity. Throw in some gladiator fights with violence n end it with a volcano erupting with bad footages from other sources. Rightly stated by other reviewers about a Lou Ferrigno lookalike n we have Donald Pleasance with a unique crown on his bald head. Saw this in the early 90s on a vhs. Revisited da 79 mins cut recently.