Island Claws

Seaside community is besieged by a chemically enraged (and significantly enlarged) crab, that cuts of path of destruction and chaos. Various odd-ball characters are quickly dispatched, attracting the concerns of otherwise care-free locals, including Robert Lansing as the proprietor of the local saloon.

"Island Claws" is by no means the worst "killer animal" movie on the block; some good sets, pleasant beachside scenery and Lansing's rendition of the bemused publican with an accent from parts unknown, almost (but not quite) compensate for the $2 special effects and banal dialogue.

Throughout the movie, reference to the "mysterious" perpetrator is flagged by glimpses of a claw, or larger-than-usual sideways shuffle tracks in the sand. When the film's crowning glory is finally exposed in its entirety, it's easy to understand why the makers kept it concealed for 80 minutes. The concoction is laughable, but then, what would you expect?

Aside from Lansing, whose trademark ambivalence has been a familiar character trait in his portrayals in other films of the ilk (see "Empire of the Ants" and "The Nest"), only Barry Nelson can rate a mention for being a known quantity. All the other faces are virtual unknowns, with the exception of Nita Talbot in a frivolous supporting role.

Sometimes vaguely scary, but mostly puerile, if you happen to see a copy for less than pocket money, treat yourself and gain a new appreciation of the extent to which film-makers went to cash-in on the "killer animal" theme that was in vogue at the time.

A radiation leak causes crabs to mutate. One of them becomes a giant 8 foot crab, but most of them become ... normal looking crabs. The normal crabs do nasty things like burn down the trailer of a banjo player. Large bunches of normal crabs scuttling around are not very threatening. This film doesn't really work on any level. Veteran actors Robert Lansing and Barry Nelson are here, but unfortunately Steve Hanks is the nominal star and he's such a terrible actor that he can't manage to do normal tasks like pouring a cup of coffee without looking stiff and awkward.

Oh cool! A movie about mutated killer crabs! You don't encounter too many of those; especially in comparison with movies about spiders or rats or whatever. Like in most contemporary creature-features, the thematic animal species looks a lot more menacing in the stock footage (that the film probably stole from the National Geographic archives) than in the special effects version. It seems to take ages before anything significant happens and, in spite of a lot of crawling crab footage, it takes a while before you realize they're slowing heading towards town and plotting an attack against the community. First, though, you'll have to struggle through a god-awful and unnecessary "forbidden romance" sub plot and plenty of padding footage of a hillbilly dance festival. "Island Claws" is a boring film with practically no action, uninspired writing and zero attempts to insert any humor or cheesy atmosphere. The concept of genetically manipulated crabs running amok on an island holds a lot of potential, but the script (from the same people who made cult favorite "The Amazing Mr. No Legs") unfortunately doesn't even use up 5% of that potential. There are plentiful of weird sequences that are completely irrelevant to the plot, like the heart-breaking story of a family of Haitian immigrants stranding on the island and a totally random supportive character declining a wedding proposal. The few scenes that are relevant to the plot, however, are stupid and ridiculous. The body count is intolerably low for an 80's flick and the few deaths that are on display are tame and gore-free. Two little moments to illustrate just how stupid "Island Claws" is: 1) none of the crabs actually do any killing and 2) the island community is more shocked and upset regarding the death of a poodle, but nobody mourned for the town's banjo musician. Eventually a gigantic crustacean (thank you, Wikipedia) does show up, but it comes far too late to boost up the entertainment value.

The screenwriters here go with a standard "recipe for disaster" scenario. A marine research lab on an island off the coast of Florida is playing with fire as they fool around with crustacean DNA. As the film opens, an accident has occurred at a nearby nuclear reactor. The stage is now set for scores of angry crabs to launch attacks on the natives - and for one mammoth crab that wreaks havoc on the town.

Roger Cormans' "Attack of the Crab Monsters" gets updated (sort-of) for the 1980s in this enjoyably cheesy thriller. It's co-written by Ricou Browning, who gained his fame playing the Creature from the Black Lagoon in underwater scenes 26 years previous. The director is Hernan Cardenas, who is no master craftsman, but adequately puts the story through its paces. The special effects are not all that special - the monster crab at the end can't do much of anything. But it's a good thing that its appearance occurs at night, which helps it to work somewhat better. Glen Robinson, who worked on the 1976 remake of "King Kong", constructed the rampaging creature.

Key to the thing succeeding at all is that none of the cast wink at the audience, or have self-referential dialogue to utter. They play it for real, which helps to sell the patent ridiculousness of the premise. Robert Lansing is the main hero, an Irish-accented bar & restaurant owner, Steve Hanks his young friend, Nita Talbot his gal pal, Jo McDonnell as a young journalist, Martina Deignan as Hanks' co-worker, and original 007 Barry Nelson (who was also in "The Shining" around this time) is the principal egghead, who realizes that he and his cohorts have helped to create a terrible problem. Look for "Friday the 13th Part 2" male lead John Furey in a small role as Deignans' boyfriend.

It's not really for hardcore horror fans - very little gore, no nudity, a low body count - but viewers who aren't too picky should have some fun. It even attempts to be somewhat topical as it drops some Haitian immigrants into the mix; they soon incur the wrath of the bigoted Joe (Tony Rigo), who thinks at first that they're responsible for everything.

Rousing music by Bill Justis and striking cinematography by James Pergola also help to make this an enjoyable offering for monster movie lovers.

Seven out of 10.

I gave this one a good rating because it is so incredibly funny. The script seems to have been run through a woodchipper before rehearsals started, and the characters are so idiotic I really wish more of them had been shredded by killer crabs. By far the best acting was done by "Trouble" the dog. Check out that great death scene with "Trouble" staggering out on the beach with ketchup poured all over him. I have to add that this movie has simply the most beautiful killer-crab effect in any movie, ever, even surpassing the giant crab in "Mysterious Island." And you have to love a crab that roars like a lion and sticks its tongue out at the camera.