The Girl Most Likely to...

I saw this made-for-TV movie on ABC's Movie of the Week (or whatever it was called) when it first aired, way back when I was about nine years old. One of the few things I remember about this movie was how striking the difference was between the ugly Stockard Channing, and the hot babe Stockard Channing, a difference effected in the movie by a disfiguring automobile accident followed by some _very_ skillful plastic surgery. (What special makeup effects the makers of the movie used to pull this off, I don't know. I know the hot babe more closely resembled the real Stockard Channing.)

Another thing I remember was recognizing Stockard Channing as the hapless young woman frequently victimized by the Number Painting Guy (portrayed by future "Jeffersons" supporting player Paul Benedict) on "Sesame Street."

A third thing I remember was being introduced to the twin concepts of plastic surgery (I was REALLY impressed by Stockard's transformation) and black comedy. That's how my mother described it when I asked if the movie we were watching was supposed to be funny or not. She then explained that black comedy was something that found humor in something not normally thought of as funny (such as a poor tormented frump who gets her already ugly face ripped to shreds only to have it put back together, only much better looking than it was before, giving the erstwhile frump the opportunity to exact her revenge on the men who had treated her so cruelly when she was still ugly). Having learned this much, I considered this movie quite educational.

Another reviewer expressed the earnest wish that this movie be released on video. I concur; I'd love to see Ms. Channing's transformation again.

Stockard Channing seemingly came out of nowhere and gave us a preview of the quirky, oblique roles that would make her famous. Over the years, there have been many movies that start out funny and turn dark. In this movie, we have a very dark beginning, where a handsome boy, as part of a sick bet, seduces a very homely girl. As she flees the humiliating scene, she is involved in a horrendous auto accident (dark enough for you yet?). Because she is so damaged in the accident, doctors take the opportunity to remake her as a beautiful woman. Inside, however, she is still devastated by her prior treatment, so she uses her new beauty to exact horrible revenge on those who had tormented her when she was ugly. Now here's the kicker: she does this in a darkly funny way. See this movie if you ever get the chance. Stockard benefited from a stellar supporting cast, but she herself was magnificent!

And that's because "The Girl Most Likely To..." takes the familiar and universal theme of the misfit, geeky underdog character who gets ridiculed, put upon and ignored and gives it a grown-up, black humor twist. We've all been there emotionally, one way or another. Just think back to high school - especially if you weren't one of the 'cool kids'. The only difference is the theme takes place on a university campus with adults who are supposed to know better. No matter. Arguments aside about right and wrong, most of us get a guilty pleasure watching Miriam Knight go about methodically knocking off her former tormentors. Who hasn't dreamed of doing such a thing? It's also a delight to see familiar character actors, and then unknown faces - some of whom would go on to bigger and better things. Ed Asner - of Mary Tylor Moore fame - would go on to "Lou Grant", Larry Wilcox went on to CHIP's, Ruth McDevitt would go on to "The Night Stalker", and Fred Grandy to "Love Boat". And the star, Channing, well...any actress would kill for her credits!

It's easy to forget that the writer for this delicious tale was none other than Joan Rivers. It's her best effort during her pre-stand-up days. She wrote the story for another movie that didn't too well, although it's a cult favorite of sorts. Some of you might remember 'The Rabbit Test', where Billy Crystal plays the first man in history to get pregnant and the socio-political reaction that quickly ensues! It's played for laughs, of course, but even critics didn't find it too entertaining.

This is one of my favorite dark comedy films--light-hearted, beautifully wicked and sometimes poignant. The plot is somewhat thin, but Stockard Channing is perfect in the lead and she makes it believable. Her transformation from Ugly Duckling to evil Swan is wonderful and sexy as is her wicked delight in bringing justice to those who caused her pain as her former self. The film is subtly satiric and delivers a climax with a twist. Lots of supporting cast members that are future "B" stars in their own right.

I remember seeing this when I was in high school back in 1973. What a great introductory role for Stockard Channing - it really played to her strengths. Miriam (Stockard Channing) is a homely girl, about age 21, who has been changing colleges every semester because of how she is ignored at best, tormented at worst, at every turn. She's very smart and very talented, but every time she tries to turn over a new leaf it's the same old story. At her new school she's the butt of a joke in which the school jock takes her on a fake date just to humiliate her, and then she gets the leading role in a play stepping ahead of her cheerleader dorm roommate. She is humiliated there too because the roommate takes revenge by making sure the bouquet she gets as part of the play are roses - Miriam is allergic to them. Miriam goes into a sneezing fit, cannot say her lines because of it, and runs off the stage crying with the whole audience laughing at her performance. Driving away and in tears she has a disfiguring automobile accident. Laying there in the hospital she receives the final insult - her long-time reluctant pseudo-boyfriend Herman tells her he is marrying someone else.

However, this is where Miriam's luck changes. Plastic surgery completely changes her appearance and makes her beautiful. Now that she is beautiful, unrecognizable, and still smart and talented she goes on a homicidal tirade of revenge against all who wronged her - at least the ones we know about from the film, that is. Ironically, she doesn't actually lay a finger on any of them. Furthermore she uses her tormentors' own vanities to send them to their deaths. Technically, though, it is murder, so Edward Asner, as a homicide detective, tries to fit the pieces together and pretty soon he finds he's falling in love with the murderess' mind - he has no idea what she looks like.

Joan Rivers wrote this little gem, and if you know anything about her style of comedy and the burgeoning women's lib movement in the early 70's, this film seems to not so much come out of nowhere. Whenever I think of this film today, I always think about the fact that America's most popular TV show "American Idol" does exactly what drove Miriam over the edge - put less than attractive people center stage so people can feel better about themselves by laughing at them.