Thorvald le Viking

Isn't always sad to rediscover a memory from your childhood that you treasured greatly, but then finding it as an adult, and not being able to figure out how in the hell you possibly could have liked it in the first place. That's how I felt upon seeing this movie a while back. I can recall vividly when I went and saw this movie when I was ten, and my friends and I being blown away by it. In fact I saw it three times in one week. (no lie) When I saw it last, I pondered how could I not have seen the FATAL miscasting of Lee Majors. How I overlooked the black(!?) viking. Why did I not conceive that the plot for this was so laughably stupid (Vikings vs. American Indians). Sigh, it's a sad fact of life, the smarter you get, the DUMBER you realize you were.

I am sitting at home watching THE NORSEMAN on TV, trying to pick my incredulous chin up off the floor. This movie must be seen by film students so they can learn everything NOT to do in making a movie. For example: Lee Majors (THORVALD) and the boy playing his Norse son deliver arch dialog in southern American accents...The Caucasian looking Indians with perfect Herbal Essence hairstyles...and perfect teeth..(that tribe must have a really good dental plan) Lee Majors sports a late 1970's mustache and hair style...He probably was on hiatus from a series and refused to restyle his hair...The Max Factor warpaint on the Indians' faces...and the lack of "Light Egyptian" on their bodies...Irish actress, Kathleen Freeman, as an old Indian woman... The "ultra realistic" Canadian location (NOT!), complete with palm trees and Spanish Moss... How did they get the money to make this thing? Where can I get some for my films??? This film is like a train wreck....painful to watch but absolutely riveting in its awfulness. The only area that deserves praise is the cinematography...the exteriors look pretty good... the cinematographer must have picked up the gig to pay for a fishing expedition or a vacation to Hawaii... In the words of many a great Norseman, .....Oy Vey!!!

I am somewhat forgiving in giving this movie a 3! I highly recommend saving your time by doing other activities such finger painting or recreating THE NORSEMAN. I am sure a high school student with a video camera could do a better job at research and casting. The costumes are out of period, Native Americans do not fight running with tomahawks in their hand screaming. Not sure how they really fought back then, but I am sure that was not it! A black Norseman is not impossible just not probable. If I remember correctly the Norse were beaten by the Romans hence the Roman like uniforms plus the Roman had black slaves (Egypt which is located in Africa) hence the black guy.The work seems rushed and a lot of forethought has not gone into the editing. I feel this is one of the reasons why Farrah and Lee divorced.

They could have at least tried to make this funnier if they weren't going to make it competently. But then this IS a Charles B. Pierce film, and a 'Fawcett-Majors Presentation' featuring Pierce's son, little Chuck, and starring Lee Majors as Thorvald. You can't expect much with that pedigree, but we're in John Wayne 'The Conqueror' territory here. C'mon now, Lee Majors as a viking? What were they thinking? And seeing as it stars the erstwhile Six-Million-Dollar Man, it pays homage to that series by including plenty of slow-mo action scenes. All you need is the now classic ditta-ditta-ditta electronic sound effects to go with the slow-mo and you've got a laugh riot. But there is plenty to laugh at, including Majors' 70's porno-style moustache (no beard like everyone else, he's THE STAR, but I suppose he was willing to cover his upper lip as a concession to history). Then there is Jack Elam as a norse sorceror (guess Slim Pickens wasn't available) and Deacon Jones as a black viking (Spike Lee would approve, although historians might disagree). For those outside the U.S., Jones was a football player, and the filmmakers, out of fairness, also cast a white ex-football player (Fred Biletnikoff) as a fellow norseman. There is also a pretty girl along for the ride in Susie Coehlo, although she spends too much time with a pair of blinded norsemen who sport some of the most unfortunate hairpieces you've ever witnessed. Thankfully for Cornel Wilde, he is so buried in hair that he is virtually unrecognizable and therefore, in one sense, he's not really in this movie. Unfortunately, Lee Majors IS in this movie, and worst of all, is the star. It's hard to tell which is more wooden, his ship or his acting. Yep, it's his acting. In fact, it's probably an inside game for casting agents to challenge each other to find a more wooden star than Majors. He's the champ! He could hire himself out as a Termite Whisperer. Needless to say, this junk is best avoided. You've been warned.

I tend to cut movies a lot of slack, since I believe that the more sophisticated our movie-making abilities become the less people tend to use their imaginations. I bought a used VHS copy of "The Norseman," and watching it as an adult I actually enjoyed it. Sure, it's not a well-made movie, but it's a sad fact of life that often the smarter we get, the more jaded we get. I suspect the reason one viewer enjoyed the movie at ten and hated it as an adult is that watching it through eyes of childlike wonder he was able to suspend disbelief and see the movie's real meaning.

Besides, what's so "laughably stupid" about the plot, a conflict between Vikings and Native Americans? There is pretty good evidence that the Vikings were in North America; ever hear of Vinland? And as for the "black Viking," that was probably a pandering to '70s social consciousness; but still, could they not have picked up an African man in their travels? Everyone has their tastes, but I found this movie's theme unique and intriguing.