Confessions d'un moniteur de club de vacances

I admit a certain affection for the CONFESSIONS... series of '70s sex comedy, which perfectly captured working class attitudes during that decade, much as the later CARRY ONs did. CONFESSIONS OF A WINDOW CLEANER and CONFESSIONS OF A DRIVING INSTRUCTOR are my favourites, with Askwith's professions lending themselves perfectly to a series of episodic shenanigans.

The last of the quartet is CONFESSIONS FROM A HOLIDAY CAMP, and it really is a last-ditch attempt to wring more money out of audiences. This time around, Askwith and Booth end up working at a dodgy sub-Butlins type place, where girls parade around in the bikinis a lot and end up getting into saucy encounters with a permanently befuddled Askwith.

There are some funny moments here - like the bit with Askwith in the swimming pool - but a lot of it is cringeworthy rather than amusing and the slapstick scenes are very childish. Lance Percival's portrayal of a gay guy is really awful, as are Askwith's off-colour jokes at the expense of a black woman. It's a pity the script is so poor, because there's some top totty here in the form of Liz Fraser and Penny Meredith, but they would have been better served in one of the other, better, instalments.

I saw this film in 1977, aged 21, stoned, sitting up the back of the Odeon High Street Kensington, with some friends, smoking. And we laughed. We laughed a lot actually. Seeing it on DVD, in my lounge at home, aged 52, on a cold Friday night, by myself - well, surprise, surprise, it wasn't funny anymore. Not only is it of it's time but also of it's place in history. It's cheap, written without much imagination, with no real laughs and with some (by 2008 standards) cringe inducing racism and sexism. But for all that, like Carry On and Doctor films, it is remarkably easy to watch and has a fascinating British charm all of it's own. I suppose the appeal, at it's basic level - is simple. It says that even if you're ignorant, thick and ugly, you only have to smile and sexy women will fall all over you, even to the extent of lining up, five at a time, to hide in your wardrobe. If only real life were like that.

This is the most saucy out of the four "Confessions". You get from this one, just what you get from the others, only it's funnier and more raunchy. Again walking hazzard, Askwith and his brother in law have a new venture, working at a holiday camp, a real dive but it does have it's perks. Whoever thought there'd be an underground cafe, where through the windows you can see the underground of the family pool, and that's not all, as there's a familiar streaker roaming about, and as a Confession's fan, you don't have to be an Einstein to figure out who. And again the family pay a visit, including the bigoted Grandad, who I find a hoot. He gets pie eyed and mistakes one of those long funeral cars, carrying a coffin, as their ride to the camp, the bereaved family, with them. The grandad tries to cheer the family with sing song. There's a great raunchy scene near the end with Askwith up to his neck again in, you know, cleavage, etc, inside the ghost train building, where the family decide to take a ride. How this ends with Askwith, is just another reason I love these films. He makes up with some hotties, one a busty Brazilian who really wants to win this beauty contest, and you don't want to be at the receiving end, if she loses, as you're liable to be wearing custard pie on your face. The pie fight that erupts, so reminded me of Pacific Banana, where also in that, there was a gay guy. What's funny here, this famous pianist in the movie just keeps on playing through this fight, while below this mischievous kid, is sawing at the legs of the piano. Askwith shares some nude pool too, him and Booth again having close calls with their boss and other staff, their careers in the balance. One of them, a lanky gay guy who's onto them, has his worst fear, coming true, when a score of hotties jump him, where they may of just turned him straight. That is the tastiest and more entertaining of the four, with so many other scenes I'd love to mention. This was the last of the series which in my opinion, ended on the perfect note.

Due to age I missed out on the UK 1970's sex comedy boom, so have been watching movies from this genre as they make themselves available on TV. Because these aren't exactly the kind of things you would pay money to watch or go out your way to see at the cinema. As if cinemas would play this kind of thing, seeing as they are now all staffed by woke feminists in 1950's tea dresses and ironic NHS glasses. Unlike the Carry On Series, the Confessions series is less family friendly due to its content, so it doesn't get as much love. The narrative is also much more streamlined as the Confessions series basically follows the protagonist in his job role as numerous nubile women decide they want to have sex with him now and for no apparent reason. And there are plenty of opportunities as this is a holiday camp. The humour is generally around nudity in public and the fear of being caught having sex from others. There is little crude language and the sex scenes are tame compared to what can be seen on the average teenagers phone. Is it ironic that these movies did and still do have feminists frothing at the mouth, when 40 years of feminist intervention have lead to even more extreme content being normalised by the public? This is definitely a UK time capsule movie and shows a more innocent time, regardless of the "that didn't age well" comments from the virtue signallers who are looking at far worse stuff.

Confessions From a Holiday Camp, the fourth and final film to star Robin Askwith as working class lothario Timmy Lea, fails spectacularly as a comedy, the unsophisticated script resorting to embarrassing racist remarks, crass homophobic jokes, and childish slapstick in a desperate attempt to illicit giggles from its audience.

'So, if it's not all that funny, then why have you rated it so highly?' I hear you ask. The answer: the endless quality British crumpet, of course. The plot, which sees Timmy organising a beauty contest at Camp Funfrall, allows for plenty of bare breasts, some shapely female derrieres, and more bush than Hampton Court Maze. Not only does the lovely Linda Hayden, star of the first Confessions film, return to play foxy French holiday host Brigitte, but we also get sexy brunette Caroline Ellis as yummy Brummie Gladys, Kim Hardy as the camp's tasty announcer, Nicola Blackman as Blackbird, the camp's curvacous Caribbean queen (and, sadly, the brunt of the racist jokes), and busty Janet Edis as a horny MILF.

Unfortunately, there's also rather a lot of Robin Askwith's hairy ass on display, but you can't win 'em all I suppose.