The Touchables

The Touchables had intrigued me for a decade or more before I had the opportunity (thanks to FXM) to actually see it. It would have been for the best if they hadn't programmed it. The ONLY reasons to watch The Touchables are if you a)have an insatiable appetite for plotless 60s fashion shows masquerading as films, or b)you want to hear the terrific theme song by the (English) Nirvana. There's also a snippet of The Pink Floyd's Interstellar Overdrive used inexplicably as background music during a boat ride, but it's precious little consolation for sitting through this piece of ripe tripe.

It is true to say that this movie is not good, to say the least. But it does capture some of the craziness of the time.1968 was a very good time to be young & living in London, as I was. I also worked on the dubbing of this movie at Shepperton Film Studios. It still brings back good memories of the time & I wouldn't be without a copy, which took me a long time to find. The girls in the movie were quite well known at the time, one of them became the late Peter Cook's second wife, & all of them were attractive. David Anthony The mail lead was also an icon of the time, with many girls pinning his picture to their bedroom wall. The Dome in the film was built at Frencham Ponds in Surrey & there is nothing of it left.

In many ways the movie depicts the beginnings of women asserting themselves & being seen to be in control of their lives in a much more controlled way than the previous generation. The plot is simple; four girls capture a pop star & have their wicked way with him. There are other influences in the movie with gangsters & a well known wrestler of the time. What is immediately striking is that all the girls speak good English with educated accents, something that is sadly lacking in English movies of this type today. This movie is not an icon, as in "Wonderwall" for example, but it does have something.

Anyone can make a movie, it's enough to have a camera and a few actors. It doesn't matter if they are good or bad. The script doesn't really matter, does it? It can goes even without one, especially if you have a few pairs of panties on some sexy asses, plus a few locations, some cars, a motorboat, a transparent dome in Frensham Ponds... Not bad, right? We gonna have a movie! I came across this and said to myself, English, 1968, a title that takes me to the American series "The Untouchables... It's got to be something of it, let's check! Now, I would like to say something good about this movie but it's rather difficult, I can not, my dignity does not let me... OK OK, let's give it a chance and think that it's a surrealist artwork... No, it doesn't work, it's too... moronic. Oh, maybe it's the pure British replica of Antonioni's "Blow-up" and "Zabriskie Point" in only one film... Who wouldn't like to be kidnapped by four young beautiful girls, taken to a hiding place somewhere and gently softly raped? No, I'm afraid it's just an hour and a half of pure boredom!

I was a great fan of British wrestling and often went to venues on North and Central London. It was great fun. I well remember Ricki Starr who wrestled in ballet shoes and was a predecessor of Adrian Street. I had virtually given up on this film when up pops another bout which is refereed by the unforgettable Max Ward. He of the gravel voice who could make a count last an eternity.

As for the rest of the film it is instantly forgettable. How could Ian Le Frenais write this.

The problem was that after the success of British films in the States in the early sixties,the American film companies decided to invest heavily in British films and came a cropper. Who in their right mind could think that the script was worth filming.

Long ago in the swingin', free-love sixties, before the onset of interpretive sexual harassment, you could abduct your favorite pop idol, strip them nearly naked, tie them to a rotating table under a transparent dome, and force yourself upon them, and lo and behold: THEY LOVE IT!!! Rigggghhhhhhhht!