Le valet de carreau

Modern-day Canadian cat burglar, young, handsome and rich, steals precious gems from wealthy women all over the world; he's mentored by a veteran thief, both of whom become begrudging partners with a female cat burglar and her stepfather, who has concocted his own Mission: Impossible--stealing royal blood red diamonds from an impenetrable vault. Disposable caper, written by four screenwriters (Jack DeWitt, co-producer Sandy Howard, Howard Joseph and Robert L. Joseph), has tongue in cheek and brain in neutral. The tinkling background score from Peter Thomas and Bob Harris lends the proceedings some groovy charm, but lead George Hamilton (while agile) fails to lighten the load with his nondescript personality. Star cameos by robbery victims Lilli Palmer, Carroll Baker and Zsa Zsa Gabor (playing themselves) are incidental, though Gabor makes the most of her screen time with a cheeky turn. ** from ****

Daring cat burglar Jeff Hill (George Hamilton) steals from Zsa Zsa Gabor a second time. He often steals from movie stars. During a heist on a cruise ship, he is surprised by a female thief. His mentor Ace of Diamonds (Joseph Cotten) advices him to join him in retirement. While they are on a ski vacation, Jeff is chased down by Olga who introduces them to her mentor Nicolai. It turns out that Olga is the female thief. The foursome decides to do a big heist together.

I like the cat burglaring the most. Zsa Zsa tries to have some self-deprecating fun to start. I can do without the cops or at least, they should get a more charismatic actor to lead the cops. The rest is fine for the most part. George Hamilton is not the most well known for his acting. The heists have some light thrills especially when they are moving among the fake roof tops. This is fine.

Typically glossy and bland 1960s international caper which, though harmless enough while it’s on, emerges an unnecessarily long haul because the running-time is padded with scenes in which the likes of Zsa Gabor, Carroll Baker and Lilli Palmer appear as themselves(!), purporting to be famous victims of the titular cat-burglar! The lead is played by a properly dashing George Hamilton; his mentor – the “Ace Of Diamonds” – is a suave Joseph Cotten; on their trail is insurance investigator Wolfgang Preiss – while Maurice Evans and Marie Laforet first prove rivals, then associates, in their schemes (Cotten having been involved, both romantically and ‘professionally’, with the girl’s deceased mother). Though wholly unsurprising (with the various robberies mildly generating the expected suspense), actor-turned-director Taylor’s treatment at least maintains an agreeably light touch throughout – the denouement, then, provides a clever ruse by which our roguish heroes can still go free in the end.

This mildly entertaining German-American production has a Yankee take on the European tradition of suave jewel thieves. Perhaps influenced by the popular Italian comic books, star George Hamilton looks like Diabolik at times (though this movie was released before the film Danger: Diabolik).

Amusing cameos and supporting parts by many familiar faces and ably directed by veteran director/actor Don Taylor. Lots of nice Bavarian locations. Wolfgang Preiss, who played super-criminal Dr. Mabuse in a series of films, represents the law here. Even with some Morricone-ish music, one wishes it was more representative of the wild 60s Euro costumed criminal films like Danger: Diabolik, Kriminal and Mister X. The scene where Hamilton works on a trapeze in his mansion may have inspired the similar Lara Croft bit.

I basically watched this to see delightful Eva Gabor and gorgeous Carroll Baker. That was fun but they are only onscreen a few minutes. What we are left with is nearly two hours of THE TAN (with clumpy mascara, no less). I cannot think of one film George Hamilton was good in. I always thought of him as a greazier, poor man's Warren Beatty. I'm sure every A list actor passed on this boring script, so they made it with Hamilton.

I love 1960s movies and I can usually find something to enjoy about them. Not this one. It doesn't even have a single camp moment.