Guru, the Mad Monk

Let's see... We have Hunchback of Notre Dame, shades of Burke and Hare, a little Lady Carmilla... Just everything that Milligan could cram in, he did. (Motor scooters in the 17th century be damned!) Sometimes the actors rise above the dreck, but not this time. Our lead "hero" sleepwalks his way through the movie making him look less intelligent than the poor hunchback.

The lead actress is quite beautiful IMO, but her fake eyelashes and pixie cut hair do are just a LITTLE out of place. (But so is the aforementioned scooter and a light switch or two) I've become so enamored with Milligan's films.

I just went on Google Video to watch this, one of a double feature presented on Torgo's Drive-In (the other feature being I Drink Your Blood which I have yet to see). At 56 minutes, I found this Andy Milligan-directed horror movie fascinating with the constant pounding score and Dragnet-like stilted dialogue abounding throughout. Having said that, I actually found the story pretty entertaining and I found myself partially caring for the sympathetic characters. Many of the gore scenes, while very amateurish, were also fun to watch in a can-you-believe-their-doing-this way. And having a hunchback that sometimes speaks clearly was also a hoot! So on that note, I'm recommending Guru, the Mad Monk to bad movie buffs everywhere. P.S. On Torgo's Drive-In, this movie was preceded by some ads for the concession stand and previews of Carnival of Blood, The Thing with Two Heads, and Teenage Mother. Oh, and the print I saw had the synchronization off by several seconds.

I recently watched Guru, The Mad Monk (1970) on Tubi. The storyline follows a 1400s European priest who runs a church and prison. He has several assistants, including a hunchback, a vampire, and a groundskeeper. When a young woman is tricked into being held in his prison, the odds seem impossible for her to overcome and escape. Is there any hope of her accomplishing her goal of escaping to freedom?

This film is written and directed by Andy Milligan (The Naked Witch) and stars Neil Flanagan (Fleshpot on 42nd Street) Jaqueline Webb, Judith Israel, Jack Spencer (Wildlife Icons) and Paul Lieber (What Just Happened).

This is an extremely low-budget production, with sets, attire, dialogue, and acting that feel more like an amateur theater play than a movie. It features one of the wildest Igors I've ever seen. The acting is overdone and feels inconsistently authentic. The horror elements are just okay, with some fun cult sequences. The storyline has a few twists and turns, and the ending reveal was more fun than good.

In conclusion, Guru, The Mad Monk is a film that can't get past its low-budget feel to make the content worthwhile. I would score this a 3/10 and recommend skipping it.

I know this movie is bad. I know I shouldn't like it. But there's something about it that holds my attention when it plays. Something in its crude simplicity compels me forward to the end. It happens every time I watch it. I don't know what it is.

Guru (odd name for an orthodox priest) is a bit hammy but not overly so. Carl delivers his lines in one of the oddest intonations I've heard. He later appeared as Detective Eric Dorsey, a minor character on the Barney Miller show. Olga, who apparently is a vampire (?), can't seem to speak her lines fast enough. Pay attention or you'll miss 'em! Igor is fun to watch, as is the cute girl (Nadja) in the attic who befriends him.

Watch for the modern claw hammer, the modern scissors, the steel bars on the windows, and the prisoner wearing corduroy pants!

Thank God I had the chance to see this thing! Did you understand how I felt watching CARNIVAL OF BLOOD? Well, you ain't seen nothing yet! If you're one of the few lucky ones to read this message, prepare yourself to witness the greatest cinematic catastrophe mankind will ever encounter since Neil Armstrong landed on the moon! Before you start blabbing to your friends and loved ones that PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is the worst movie ever made, tell them GURU THE MAD MONK is the most horrifying movie that ever existed! And I'm not talking about the things that go bump in the night! No, I'm talking about how experienced film producers with a college education would make such a BAD piece of cinematic trash for the whole world to see! At 57 minutes, Andy Milligan and friends created a rush job in getting this movie released to the local drive-ins in hopes of earning quick revenues. A bunch of poorly trained actors and a ludicrously atrocious script explains why. Things don't get any worse in Badmovieland!

Get a barf bag, NOW!!! You'll be glad you did!

Some of the highlights in GURU THE MAD MONK are light years beyond deliriousness. You won't believe the possibilities of the human senses! They include:

***A bishop standing on Guru's cape and ripping it! You can actually hear the sound of it!

***Olga, who stutters in her sentences and can't make up her mind on what to say!

***A villager who gets executed in a small pair of corduroys!

***The opening movie title made up of magnetic toy lettering!

And much, much, MUCH more!

Watch GURU THE MAD MONK all the way through for the first time without stopping and I'll guarantee you've survived a one-way ticket to Drive-In Hell with minor first-degree burns! I strongly recommend this one for viewers with bad taste and who are die-hard collectors of obscure cinema.

Lord have mercy!!!!