The Touch of Satan

If you like self punishment this movie is for you. How anyone could be able to watch this un-MSTed without blowing their brains out is beyond me.

The acting of the unwitting boy and the 200+ old (but only looks in her 20s) witch are just horrible. Were these two not aware that 15 second pauses between lines are not good ways to keep an audience interested? Not that the other actors are much better. Melissa's "parents" are out-acted by pot holders and the old (at least 190 years old and at least looks her age) crazy sister of Melissa. Even Satan didn't do anything cool in this movie, nor did he/she even bother to appear (physically) in it.

The plot is in a whole world of disarray. They left out the part of the script where it is explained how the simple Ma and Pa farmer folk got to be the witch's and her sister's parents. The walnut farm which doesn't have a single walnut tree on the property, and if there is they like to eat hay. Getting rid of a cop and his car off the edge of a cliff will attract absolutely no attention to the local police of foul play. Even though he happen to be calling in on the CB when he was killed by the psycho sister. Oh yes, and finally old decrepid granny-looking women can sneak up on almost anyone and kill them (even in broad daylight!). The ending is the typical devil schlock. (I won't ruin it for those who actually WANT to watch this movie.:P) But it ain't surprising.

The most hilarious line in the movie is where the two "lovebirds" are standing and staring at a lake and Melissa says, "This is where the fish live." Nobody (or movie) can be taken seriously after a line like that.

Not even the real touch of satan could save this movie. The scene that sums this movie up is the one of the boy puking beside his car. It's exactly what you'll do if you had to sit through the *PURE UNADULTERATED EVIL* of "The Touch of Satan"!

Thank God for MST3K...

A young man named Jody drives across country and decides to stop and have lunch in a small town where, he's been told, a "chromichidal maniac" is on the loose. He meets a young pretty girl named Melissa, falls instantly love and follows her home for dinner. Dinner turns into a weekend and we slowly (very slowly) learn that Melissa is no ordinary seventeen year old girl. She's a 120 year old witch who sold her soul to Satan, and the incredibly wrinkled woman she claims is her great grandmother is actually her little sister...and a "chromichidal maniac" to boot. Seems Melissa sold her soul to save the weird old chick from being burned at the stake by an angry mob 120 years earlier. Now, it seems, nothing can save Melissa from the curse...except perhaps for Jody's love. Will he sell his own soul to save her? Who cares?

This 70s effort is filled with bad acting, a terrible script and a story that doesn't make a whole lot of sense. The flashbacks to the 1850s still manage to look like the 1970s and the angry mob is more of a slightly irritated gathering. Everyone looks stoned and delivers their lines in half hearted monotones, eyes glazed and faces expressionless. And Jody has got to be the stupidest kid yet to appear on screen. He hangs around even though he's clearly not wanted and continues to hang around even after things begin to get menacing. Not even the sight of Gramma-Sister eviscerating a cop with a scythe can scare him away for long. No, he's too much in love with Melissa, a drab farmgirl with minimal beauty whose claims of Witchy-ness cannot penetrate Jody's thick skull and sound any sort of alarm bells. And who the hell are those people that Melissa is living with? They're not her parents, but they're in on the Dreadful Truth, so what gives? This is just one of the many glaring plot holes that litter this lackluster film. Not even the horrific murders and the fiery finale could keep me from nodding off. This movie just kind of plods along like a cinematic sedative until it finally peters out and ends with no fanfare whatsoever.

Guaranteed to cure insomnia.

Yes, the movie is pretty bad, and probably deserves the "heckling" it receives when being aired on MST-3000 on Sci-Fi channel. But it is still watchable, all the way to the end. I actually felt a sort of pity towards it: it seemed the movie had a feeling of wasted potential, like someone who could have been successful in life if only they had been allowed to attend a better school.

It brings to mind an excellent comment I read by a reviewer who was commenting on the remade (1998) version of the movie "Psycho" - basically, that it was so pointless, afterall there are so many bad movies out there that deserve to be remade, so why would Hollywood waste time and money remaking the good movies, it makes no sense...

And this movie fits that category exactly. It screams for re-make. It has all the makings of a pretty interesting, if not downright creepy, story: a traveller (driving a Maverick no less) who stumbles off the beaten path, into a remote out-in-the-boonies country location, where he encounters a good-looking girl living with sweaty people... But, she is not what she seems, because in reality she is 127 years old - her youth and vitality being due to a pact she made with Satan a long, long time ago... Oh, and there is death by pitchfork, and rural cops who even consider cowchips in the course of their crime investigation.

Yes, there is a veritable gold mine of possibilities here. So, I nominate this movie as one of the bad ones that urgently needs to be remade, only with better production values, better script, better acting, better overall budget. (And a better soundtrack, too - it needs more songs in it than "Amazing Grace"). I see lots of potential here. Too bad I'm not a producer or a director, I could really do a lot with the basic ingredients that are at hand here. And if the remake doesn't work, well, "Zah!"

I found this far more watchable than most others seem to have.

A farmer inspects a noise in his barn, which we can see came from a doll. He encounters a killer with a pitchfork. The scene following seems to have a family commenting on the death, suggesting the guy turned out OK. However, it turns out they were talking about something else, as the killer stumbles in - and the family is committed to hiding the crime.

A young man traveling to California stops in the town, and meets a young woman by her family's pond. They take a liking to each other, and she invites him to stay. Unfortunately, they're the family from the opening scene.

She claims to be a witch, and he's skeptical. She claims also to be possessed by the devil, but this seems to refer more to ownership than the devil actually being inside her controlling her actions.

The movie is slow, but has a nice 70s flavor, and a bucolic farm setting. For the gorehounds, there's the opening pitchfork scene (not terribly gory), and a much bloodier kill with a hook used for handling hay bales. There's a flashback to 100+ years ago of the punishment of a witch. The ending is perfect.

This is completely stupid. I joke to film making everywhere.

::The main problems::

Acting is so terrible, it actually made me cry when I heard the dialogue being spurted out of the actors mouths. Not one of the actors could act and I bet they never got another job afte that. though they were probably too busy doing drugs to complete any other movies.

The story is very lame, stupid, and annoying. Choke full of crap that would make even the most amateur film maker want to stop making movies. We get something in the story about witches and Satan, but nothing really pans out at all. It all just falls flat within the first three minutes of this lame movie, but by then you have probably turned the channel already. Which if I was not viewing the MST3K version, I proboby would have done within the first minute of this trash!

The mood is overdone completely and really goes into overkill within the last few minutes of the movie. I think they tried to set too much mood and didn't take enough time on the plot, which might of helped this movie.

The special effects are lame, and really only consist of bad face make-up which is really very lame. Though it is probably just the time period and might not have been helped.

I do not want to recommend this movie to anyone....At anytime....Anywhere. This movie is very lame, and a venture down amateur film making lane! If you take a stop on crap film making street first of course.

Do not see this movie unless it is with the help of Mike Nelson, Crow T. Robot, & Tom Servo. You can find it on Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume 5. You might be sorry if you do not view it with them, as it is a headache inducing movie.