Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

I really enjoy this silly little holiday flick. A bunch of serious Martian adults are afraid that their serious Martian children are too serious, so they go to a serious Martian senior citizen. The old guy tells them that the children need to be taught how to laugh, and then he explodes for no reason. The only logical thing left to do, of course, is go to Earth and kidnap Santa Claus, who we meet as he is being interviewed by the Rip Taylor-like Andy Anderson. I liked how in the movie's universe, Santa is unquestionably real and everyone knows about him. He really does deliver toys to everyone, toys made by a dozen elves (who all look like they're suffering from mini-seasonal depression). One toy shown is a toy rocket that runs on "real rocket fuel", Santa proudly explains. I would ask, "Where do little kids get rocket fuel?" The details of Santa's amazingly speedy mass distribution methods are not brought up, but it's probably black magic-related.

The Martians nab Kris Kringle and two little Earth children, who seem to live alone in the woods with no parents or family but are clean and well fed. The Martian leader forces Santa and the children to run their soulless toy machine (Soulless Toy Machine would be a good name for a band). Despite the numerous violations of human rights, it's all in good fun and everybody is nice and happy, except for one mean Martian (with a disturbing droopy mustache and a sidekick that looks like Jamie Farr) who plots to kidnap Santa (even though he's already been kidnapped). Santa encourages the kids, even the Martian kids who have now learned to have fun, to hurl lots of heavy mid-sixties toys at the bad guy's skulls. Through this display of parental negligence and bad music the evil is thwarted, and Santa is permitted to go back to Earth, letting the mewling half-wit comic relief Martian named Droppo take over the reigns of the Martian Toy Empire. (The Martians are out-of-shape guys in tights and helmets with antenna sprouting out of them, and what looks like diarrhea smeared across their faces. Imagine a guy dressed like that mugging worse than the teacher guy in Juan Piquor Simon's "Monster Island" and that's Droppo).

How can you hate this movie? If I were a little kid in 1964 I'd be enthralled. They packed this movie with nutty stuff. Elves get shot with freeze rays. Mrs. Claus is a frantic goofball. The Martian children sleep under strange lights and eat only pills. The bad guy's hideout looks like that one King Crimson album cover. I loved the part where the villain tries to shoot Santa and the kids out of an airlock, and the part where the bad guys meddle with the toy machine and the toys come out all mixed-up. There's a guy in a goofy robot costume, and a guy in an even goofier polar bear costume. And that deliciously idiotic theme song- "You spell it S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S, Hooray for Santy Claus!" Oh, it's so good!

I sincerely feel the people making this had the best intentions, and while they didn't have a huge budget they made a fun, silly kids movie. If it was the same exact movie but done in Rudolf-style stop motion animation it would be a regular holiday viewing tradition.

Oh, yeah, and Pia Zadora is in this, as if anyone cares.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a low budget kid's movie from the early 60's. It has a reputation as one of the worst movies ever made. But, similar to most such famously trashed films, it actually turns out to be nowhere near the worst of the worst. More accurately, this could be described as an enjoyable slice of cheese. Sure, its rubbish on several levels but it also happens to be memorable on several other levels.

The story, such as it is, has the Martians kidnapping Santa Claus and, in the process, abducting two Earth children as well. You see, the Martians want to enjoy Christmas as well. With a plot-line as moronic as that, there's really no point in splitting hairs over details and instead just sit back and watch what unfolds. The sets, costumes and make-up are all bargain-basement but they all work well enough within the confines of the plastic coated world that they exist in. Some of the highlights of the film as a whole include an angry Martian and friendly but stupid Martian, an impressively unconvincing and fake polar bear, a comedy punch up and last, yet surely best of all, a truly infectious theme song about Santy Claus. In the final analysis, there's enough strangeness here to qualify this as a bona fide cult item. It's poor, yet simultaneously quite good. Come on now; let's hear it for Santy Claus!

This is one of those really dorky movies - extremely geeky! Yet it's fun, cute and a bit sweet... a little bit on the freakishly cool side too. It's one of the oddest movies ever made. It's very much kid friendly so if you have youngsters and are looking for a different kind of holiday film then you might want to try this movie. It's not great at all but it is one of those "so bad it's good" type of holiday family films.

I acquired a copy of this movie through the Sci-Fi Classics 50-Films Pack put out by Mill Creek. I'm very glad they added this one - it's a refreshing change. I've just finished re-watching this film and I'm reviewing it just about 2 1/2 weeks before Christmas. It was great timing for me to get this film pack and I had no idea this movie was in the batch of films until I received it.

4/10.

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians has been (deservedly)called one of the weirdest movies ever made!An early effort of Joseph E.Levine this cheaply and quickly produced movie has survived nearly 40 years despite the continuous barrage of scathing reviews and critical jeers!Still it has somehow struck a cord in the sentimental hearts of moviegoers of all ages!No matter how bad it really is "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is a cute little holiday romp that will made you both laugh and smile! The plot of course is simple:Mars is desperately in need of something to make it's children laugh and play!Of course they watch "earth shows" on their (intragalactic?) TVs and dream of having toys and holidays to look forward to!The head Martian decides to invade earth,kidnap Santa,and start a Christmas (Santa,toys & all) on Mars! On the way to find the "real" Santa these Martians meet little Billy and Betty-and force them to join Santa on his new journey as Mar's Santa!The bad Martians want no part of Santa and toys and try to get rid of him (along with the little earthlings Billy and Betty) But,no avail,Santa and the "Christmas Spirit" wins out in the end and even elects the lovable,dimwitted Martian Dropo as the new Santa for the children of Mars! I guess what makes this silly film so endearing is the sincere portrayals of it's characters!Despite the lack of good scripting and scenery these actors take their roles quite seriously and play their roles quite realistically!And the Santa Claus character...well I haven't seen such a convincing portrayal since 1947s "Miracle on 34th Street" All in all it's a cute movie with some funny characters and a nice happy ending! Enjoy it with the kids and have some fun!!

I badly want to give this film a 3/10, because it is by today's standards, abysmal. However, you have to try and take this film for what it is, made way back in 1964, the world was a very different place, the height of the cold war.

It is a Christmas film, and it's of course intended for adults, so you probably would have had to have been there, it's sweet, and from a kid's perspective probably did have some degree of charm.

The music is shocking, and the acting.... I'll leave that for you. At least they opted not to make Santa a Kung Fu Master, it's all meant to be heart warming.

Could I sit through it again? Absolutely not, but one of the worst movies of all time? I've seen worse.