Femmes préhistoriques

And here I thought our distant ancestors were small, stooped, hairy and naked. But now, thanks to Prehistoric Women, I know the women were long-legged, with curled hair, mini-skirts, and from a Las Vegas chorus line. Plus, the gene pool was big enough to include some shapely blondes. In fact, I'm now wishing I was born a lot sooner. Except the prehistoric men look a lot better than I do, like maybe they were recruited off Muscle Beach and had just left the barber shop. Oh well, the women aren't very cooperative anyway; that is, until the men ply them with big hunks of cooked meat. See, up until that time, the girls were eating their meat raw so no wonder they were always in a bad mood.

Along the way, we get to see how fire was discovered, how the lever was used, and how the swan dive was invented before swans. We also get to see how the full moon makes the girls go into a dancing frenzy long before the sounds of heavy metal, and how the feminist movement got a really, really early start. But what about that nasty giant who keeps growling and menacing all those beautiful prehistoric bodies. Too bad there wasn't a basketball recruiter to put all his 7' 8" under contract, that would have been a lot easier than burning down the jungle.

Anyhow, I think I enjoyed this cartoon version of prehistory, even though I don't think it matches my high school textbook. However I'm bothered by one really bad thought. After looking at all these wonderful prehistoric specimens and then comparing them with myself, I'm beginning to doubt the whole course of human evolution. You think maybe it's the cooked meat.

By junking at least twenty minutes of extraneous footage (including two totally boring dance sequences that are spun out to excruciating length), this little effort would make a passable feature for those of us who enjoy leg shows (if nothing else). It's true the fights with the giant and the pterodactyl are mildly effective, but the story, acting and production values are so lacking in quality that connoisseurs will find the whole movie a chore to sit through.

It's startling to find one of Paramount's top photographers, Lionel Lindon (later to win numerous awards for Around the World in 80 Days), working on this cheap-jack Poverty Row independent—and contributing such below-par work at that. Yes, all the shots are in focus, but that is the responsibility of the camera operator and focus puller. The director of photography directs the lighting, and just about all of the many night scenes are so badly under-lit, you can hardly make out what's happening!

"Prehistoric Women" was obviously never meant to be taken seriously. It certainly doesn't seem to take *itself* seriously, which helps me overlook its dated plot, "cutesy" narrative and crypto-exploitation themes. By this I mean that this is the kind of film that leers at its scantily clad female characters even as it supposedly celebrates their spunk and grit. It's as if Ed Wood decided to make a family film for Mom and Dad to enjoy along with the kids.

But I am OK with that.

Obvious care and effort went into the sets and the special effects, at least considering the "B movie" nature of the material. The women are cute and the men are personable and virile...although I found it curious that the "hero" of the movie had less muscle mass than a 14 year old girl; that the monster who attacks the clans at the climax of the film looks like a stop-motion rubber chicken with a pteranondon crest taped on; that the men didn't figure out the part where they picked up rocks and threw them back at the women, but managed to invent fire and cooking...etc. etc.If you are looking for logic, consistency or real 'weight' in your adventure story, you won't find it here.

This was probably a lot of fun for a date movie in the local Bijou when it was released in 1950. But it's hard to imagine anyone watching "Prehistoric Women" for anything other than camp or nostalgic value these days. Still a decent effort for what it was.

I can't believe nobody's seen this movie. Not even 5 votes registered. This is a real cult classic, guys. Dinosaurs, women running around in fur bikinis, catfights; it has it all. Not a whole lot of talent, mind you, but that's not what we're looking for in exploitation, is it? The plot? Who cares. It's simple enough to follow with the sound off. Just sit back, put some heavy tunes on, and enjoy the action.

In the standard prehistoric tribal environment, the women are rightfully subjugated. One rebellious woman has a problem with authority figures and opts to correct that with a rock to the male cranium.

Realizing that this might provoke the other males, she heads for the woods or jungle with a handful of women and girls. Of courses being a moral film in the time fo censorship the females must be punished so, they are dragged off by a giant; thus, they leave a hand full of girls to be brought up without males by a wise old woman.

We come to the opening scene where the women not knowing what they are missing have to dance to exhaustion (we get exhausted watching).

Soon after being told that men can be useful for propagating, they set out to subdue some feeble men for this nefarious purpose.

In the process, we see the invention of fire and its consequences.

I recommend that this film should not fall into the hands of women.