Le Roi des dinosaures

Scientists discover a new planet and decide to send an exploratory rocket with four scientists (two men and two women - how convenient) aboard. The planet closely resembles Earth with its breathable atmosphere, lush vegetation, and plethora of wildlife. The place seems simply ideal - that is, until they visit an island in the middle of a nearby lake. The island's inhabitants aren't as cute and cuddly as the lemur they've adopted and named Joe. The island is home to dinosaurs! Can our band of intrepid scientists escape the island before they become a snack?

One of the things I enjoy about 1950s sci-fi is that regardless of how bad or ridiculous a movie might be, these movies usually have a certain naive charm about them. That's not the case here. King Dinosaur has nothing that could remotely be called "charm". It's an abysmal mess. Even by Bert I. Gordon's standards it's a wretched movie (and if you're unfamiliar with Gordon's other works, those are some pretty low standards). The plot is pathetic. The acting is plain out pitiful. The depiction of the "scientists" and "science" is ludicrous. The special effects are a laugh-out-loud joke. The staged lizard/iguana/alligator fights are reprehensible. At least half the movie is composed of stock footage. And the movie is such a technical mess that I'm surprised this bunch of bozos was even able to get it on film. I'm racking my brain, but I've got absolutely nothing positive to say.

But the most ridiculous moment in King Dinosaur (and one of the most ridiculous moments in movie history) comes about 5 minutes before the movie's end. Before the four "scientists" leave the island, one of them says, "I brought the atom bomb. I think it's a good time to use it." Huh? What did he just say? You mean he's been carrying an atomic weapon around like a loaf of bread? Carrying around food, water, or . . . oh I don't know . . . scientific equipment might make sense, but an atom bomb? I could even see carrying some sort of small hand-held weapon for self defense, but a nuclear warhead? It's got to be one of the most ridiculous moments ever put on film.

"King Dinosaur" takes place on a new planet that has entered our solar system. Four astronauts are sent from Earth to explore it. The plot is about what happens to them during this exploration. The science that the kids saw while watching this movie must make science teachers cringe. Everything about this new planet is laughable and the explorers are a joke. It's just like being in the woods on Earth. The monsters are ordinary earth animals and insects. Some are enlarged, some have fins or other things put on them to change their appearance and some are just the way they look on Earth. Throw in some stock footage and you have "King Dinosaur". The astronauts are more on a camping trip than investigating a new planet. The two men are macho and the two women scream a lot. The so called special effects were bad in 1955 and are just laughable today. The main attraction to this movie is the humor you can find in it. The only entertainment value I found with this film was seeing how naive the characters were and how badly done the dinosaurs were. Oddly enough, it is bad enough to make it worth watching. It's good for laughs and to see what was around in the 50s. I wouldn't count on much more.

Now, I did not expect this film to be good. I already knew of its bad repution, and the fact that it is was the first film by Bert I Gorden, I was already prepared to watch a bad film. KING DINOSAUR was actually even worse than I expected! All of the Bert Gordens films that I have seen are all bad, but at least I can find one or two good things to say about them. Not here! Even the opening sequence is dull. Narrator Marvin Miller tells us that a new planet has found its way in the Earths galaxy (sic). Scientists speculate the new planet, which they name "Nova" might be habitable, so plans for a manned flight to the new planet are planned. These plans are shown to us entirely with stock footage As bad as later Gorden films are, I have always felt many of his films like THE AMAZING COLOSSAL and WAR OF THE COLOSSAL BEAST do open well. Perhaps this is the only lesson Gorden has learned from KING DINOSAUR during his long dubious career. The crew consisting of two men and two women arrive on the new planet in a super-imposed V2. WE see no shots of the inside of the ship. The crew exists the rocket and finds the planet to be...well (surprise!) just like good old planet Earth. As the crew wanders around, stock shots of normal animals like bears, moose, geese, tigers, a normal size caiman which one of the crew wrestle with like Tarzan. The crew also adopts a friendly kinkajou (?) they come upon whom they name Joe. In one scene they encounter a poor marco photographed mole cricket which briefly menaces the crew but is quickly dispatched by bullets. They then decide to explore an island that lies in the middle of a lake. I suppose since Gorden figured that King Kong lived on an island inhabited by dinosaurs, he would place his dinosaurs on an island. Hey, the film does have "king" in the title. Upon arriving on the island the crew is menaced by an oversized iguana and a few other enlarged lizards. Before fleeing the island they set the timer off on an atom bomb. Yes! An atom bomb! As they flee the island they are chased by the giant lizards, a stock shot of a mata mata turtle, and a stock footage shot of a woolly elephant from ONE MILLION B.C. They make it shore and the bomb goes off. Someone says the planet is now safe for civilization.

Why would the crew of a rocketship sent to explore a new planet bring along a an atom bomb? Because Bert Gorden probably wanted his film to end things with a bang and atom bombs do make a big bang. How does nukeing a puny island with a few dinosaurs bring civilization? What makes them think that this is only spot on the whole planet where dinosaurs live? Would not scientists back on Earth be interested in studying this abnormal zoology? Off the island they were menaced by a giant cricket. Will future Earth rockets come to nuke the rest of the planet? Did Gorden or anyone involved in the making of this film care? Why do I even bother to ask? How did I ever find this much to say about this rotten film?

OK, never mind that this film seems to be 30 minutes of actual movie time, padded with another 33 minutes of stock footage (some of it swiped from 'One Million BC') process shots and traveling mattes. Never mind the 'emotional scientists', especially the blond housewife who goes to pieces so often she should have come pre-assembled like a box of Legos. Never mind the brain-dead science on display, where Planet Nova appears to be exactly like Wisconsin, except for the lemurs, giant bees, rubber alligators, and a lake with an island full of dinosaurs. Never mind that at one point, the blond lady says, "Maybe we don't need to keep watch. Joe (the lemur) seems to be pretty good at shouting alarms!"

I can get past all that, in the name of 50's sci-fi conventions and low budgets.

But 5-6 minutes from the end, after one couple has rescued the other from the cave where they were trapped, and the two 'dinosaurs' are wrestling with each other, the blond towheaded guy says, and I am pretty sure I got this right: "I brought the Atomic Bomb. I think this would be a good time to use it!"

So not only do the scientists nuke the island and kill everything on it for no good reason (the friggin dinosaurs never leave the island, and the party could have simply rowed away from the island and never seen the dinos again)...they set the timer for 30 MINUTES and trust they can get across the island ON FOOT past all the other dangerous wildlife, get into their rubber rafts, paddle them across the lake to the other shore and find shelter. In THIRTY FREAKING MINUTES!?!?

I realize this is just an excuse to try to inject some suspense into the ending, but for crying out loud! That timer clearly could have been for several hours, and the scientists could have STROLLED back, instead of running in a panic for their lives. (There is a hilarious shot in the rubber raft as they near shore where the towhead appears to be repeatedly shoving the blond lady back down on her face for no coherent reason.)

I feel bad for the four actors in this silly exercise in White Manifest Destiny. A couple of them went on the do a lot more work, but working on this thing must have seemed like a death-knell to their careers at the time. And if there was any justice, Bert Gordon wouldn't have had a career after this movie either.

1 star added to the deserved 'awful' rating for sheer goofiness, and also for the naiveté and optimism that permeates the film.

Yes, it really is THAT bad. Armadillos and stock footage standing in as dinosaurs, V2 launch films run in reverse to depict a landing, nuking the new planet to save it... well, I could go on.

Godon's later films, expecially the "Amazing Colossal" movies, provide great guilty pleasures. King Dinosaur, however, can't even provide that. And I had to watch it five times to be certain. It's interesting mainly for what it said about the movie-going public of 1954.

COULD BE ON THE 100 WORST LIST.