Cats

CGI mess of a movie with caterwauling "stars" in ugly costumes and abysmal dance numbers based on the hit Broadway musical.

The movie is ugly to look at and is an assault on the ears with Jennifer Hudson screaming at the top of her lungs and every other "singer" shown in loving close-up as they mug through their numbers. This includes Judi Dench, Ian McKellen, James Corden, Rebel Wilson, Taylor Swift and others.

Really, I thought Hudson was trying to cough up a hairball. She should have. It would have been the highlight of the film.

In 25 years this film will have a weird cult following, and an aged James Franco will make a "meta" film about it. Until then, it will remain universally regarded as an utter shambles.

I'm not a praying man, but I was praying so hard for this movie to end. From the fist minute, I knew this movie was going to be a disaster. What a waste of talented actors.

Honestly I wish I was joking. Just everything was completely terrible. James Corden was cripplingly awful but that's nothing particularly surprising. Leaving the cinema I'd felt as if my soul had been sucked dry. Avoid at all cost.

The most entertaining part of this entire movie was reading these hilariously bad reviews. It was SO boring and hard to watch.