Wimps

"Wimps", another b-sex comedy by the incompetent gay pornographer Chuck Vincent, has a singularly inauspicious opening: a freeze frame of the boyish protagonist's face, while ambient sounds play in the background. This is supposed to be a goofy sex comedy, yet this opening felt chilling! What were they thinking? Oh, they weren't thinking at all? They were just trying to make the movie as quickly as possible, to make money so Vincent could resume his gay porn career?

We then get a sequence of scenes showing young men going through the idiotic hazing rituals required to join their "fraternity". They eat spaghetti while suspended by harnesses from the ceiling, and serve their frat brothers dinner while dressed as French maids.

They also steal underwear from the girls' locker room, where the movie makes with some blink-and-you'll-miss-it full frontal nudity, with four women in the shower.

Why is this shot so fleeting? They paid these women extra to get fully naked. You'd think they'd make sure we got a good look.

What a surprise: there's a men's locker room scene, with a bunch of guys standing around half-naked. At least there's no full frontal male nudity in this scene, like there was in "Hollywood Hot Tubs", another of Vincent's b-movies.

The plot seems to be something to do with nerds tutoring jocks so that they can pass a class they all have to take. I'm not sure what the hazing stuff at the beginning was for.

Then, the jock falls in love with a girl, who isn't impressed by his status as a football hero, so one of the nerds has to help him get the girl. You'll never guess what happens next!

Just joking.

So I guess it's supposed to be like an '80s boob comedy version of Cyrano de Bergerac.

There's a strange scene where the jock and the nerd double dates with the girl they are in love with, and another girl who strips off in the restaurant and crawls under the table, apparently to give the nerd a blowjob. I wasn't sure what to make of this scene.

My interest in the plot of "Wimps" started low and dropped from there. At least it has more plot than "Hollywood Hot Tubs", I guess.

The movie actually tries to be a sweet love story, but it's just far too low-end to get us anywhere near the characters. I was glad it was over.

My review was written in November 1987 after watching the film on Lightning video cassette.

"Wimps" was filmed several months before the Steve Martin pic "Roxanne", but it is still wiped off the map by it. A modern-day version of Edmond Rostand's "Cyrano de Bergerac", Chuck Vincent's film plays like a score of the routine college-hijinks comedies.

Louie Bonanno, who previously played the same nerd role in Vincent's "Sex Appeal", plays Francis, a college freshman admitted to a jocks' fraternity because his dad was a football hero. When the college cracks down on academic requirements to head off a football scholarship scandal, Francis is forced to help all his frat brothers with their studies.

In particular, Francis is helping star quarterback Charles (Jim Abele) and reluctantly agrees to help him woo lovely librarian Roxanne (Deborah Blaisdell) in return for getting fixed up with a date (it turns out to be a prostitute). Ultimately, Franis finds out that Charles is merely after Roxanne to prove a point to his fellow jocks, who saw him rebuffed by her on their first meeting at the library. Of course, romance finally blooms between Francis and Roxanne at the finish.

Bonannonhas got the nerd routine down pat but brings little else to the film, obviously suffering by comparison with Steve Martin's bravura turn. Blaisdell, better known to Adult film fans as Tracey Adams, is pretty but overly bland, while Jane Hamilton (a/k/a Veronica Hart) steals a few scenes as the prostitute.

After watching Wimps, I have come to the conclusion that it is one of the most underrated fraternity romps ever. In the midst of classics such as "Porky's" and "Animal House", "Wimps" cruises under the radar as a genuinely heart-warming romantic comedy, of similar quality to "Say Anything". But don't be fooled, folks! This vivacious, feel good comedy also delivers the laughs, and Louie Bonanno plays a pitch perfect neurotic that would make even Woody Allen blush! The role of the alpha jock, played with flawless timing by Jim Abele, gives the film a timeless "Beauty and the Beast" dynamic between Abele and the always beautiful Tracy Adams. The synergy between the actors makes the sum of the parts greater than the whole in this little known 80's gem!

I would be lying if I said that Wimps was the best film directed by Chuck Vincent, but it is still a beautifully executed love story/comedy focusing on the development of a relationship between two complex characters. Vincent's world resembles a timeless fantasy college realm, that makes for a grand, lush production, that feels very much of the moment. Wimps, like Deranged (1987), begins with Francis' (Louie Bonanno) unforgettable graphic initiation into the fraternity Bi Beta Kappa involving spaghetti and a body harness that symbolically marks his decent into a society filled with vengeful slum-lords, political extremists, and Roxanne (Deborah Blaisdell) the luscious librarian of his dreams. At first I was disgusted with Wimps excessive nudity and dark hopeless scenery, but after reading an interview with Vincent in the New Yorker, I understand what Wimps is trying to communicate, hopelessness=freedom. Viewers are warned that if you don't like David Lynch or Alejandro Jodorowsky then leave Wimps on the shelf, perhaps you would rather watch something like Failure to Launch instead.