Hercules in New York

Over a decade before his movie career exploded and eight years before even Pumping Iron, Arnold Schwarzenegger starred in this cheapie B comedy playing the Greek demigod Hercules, who has been banned from Olympus by Zeus. Schwarzenegger can barely speak a line of coherent English at this point (the film is probably more commonly seen with his performance dubbed, but his original voice is available nowadays). Funny thing is, he's by far the best actor in the picture. Everyone else is just cringe-inducingly awful. The movie as a whole might have actually been watchable, if it weren't for the painfully stereotypical Jew performance by Arnold Stang, who dominates much of it. The film has Schwarzenegger (dubbed Arnold Strong) doing Schwarzenegger-ish activities like weightlifting, throwing cars around and getting into various fights. What would you do if you ran into a 22 year-old Arnold Schwarzenegger and he was annoying you? Start a fight? Well, if you're in this movie, that's what you do. It happens like ten times.

Consistently overlooked as one of cinema's greatest monstrosities Hercules in New York follows the curiously accented Greek god as he travels, or oafishly meanders, around 1970s Manhattan followed by faithful sidekick Pretzie, some gangsters, more Greek gods, angry sailors and, of course, a bear. This cinematic gem and precious relic of Arnie's first clumsy footsteps into film often goes unmentioned in "bottom 100 lists" which is strange as it seems easily comparable to Edward D Wood's "Plan 9 From Outerspace" and "Glen or Glenda?" the royalty of crap cinema. It's not that "Hercules in New York" is good, far from it, but it is so hideously bad that it becomes a lovable monstrosity, much like the Frankenstine's monster of cinema. The acting performances are ,for the most part, shambolic aside from maybe one or two more theatrical performances from Zeus and Hades respectively who are handicapped somewhat by a poor script and loud horn tootling in the background of the "Mount Olympus" scenes. The film also suffers at the hands of insesent mandolin playing repeated over and over again which seems aimed at making the audience's ears bleed. However, I would find it impossible to grant this film a 1 out of 10 as, simply, it is a comedy and it is genuinely funny allbeit at the wrong times for the wrong reasons. More importantly though I find it impossible to give any film which depicts the Governor of California fighting a bear in central park to the sound of creepy mandolin music a low rating.

The title itself sums this film up in a nutshell. "Hercules in New York" just screams cheese, low budget and ludicrousy. And that's exactly what you get.

As far as the film is concerned, there's probably more goofs than words. The sound is all over the place, and so is the camera! The acting is abysmal (apart from Pluto, he was alright) and Arnie is as stiff as a board.

However, I really enjoyed this film. It's silly, it's fun and it's Arnie! If anything it's great to see just how far you think he's come over the years. The unnecessary moments that all Arnie fans are used to, in which he'll decide for no good reason to reveal his phenomenal body structure are as prominent as ever, and this is another plus point for me.

It's a bad film, but you cant come away feeling cheated, watch it for what it is.

2* for the film. And 3* for Arnie.

5/10

This movie honestly is kinda funny. The acting is okay, but silly. The dialogue is bad, but at the same time funny. The story is silly, and random things just sort of happens. Hercules wants to come to earth, his father refuses, he pisses his father off and he send Hercules to Earth, and because Arnold speaks with such a thick accent, all the characters in the movie can't really understand him. Lots of random stuff happens, and then all ends good.

Funny scenes: 1. Arnold waves at an old lady from outside a plane and she overacts afterwards 2. Arnold fights with a bunch of sailors with a block of wood 3. Arnold refuses to pay a taxi driver for his services and destroys his taxi 4. Arnold fights a guy he just met inside a house 5. Arnold goes on a date with a girl and takes his shirt off and starts flexing in public 6. Arnold fights with a grizzly bear who happens to be at Central Park 7. Arnold becomes a wrestler and his manager signs him to a bunch of mobsters 8. Arnold walks around destroying a bunch of college athlete's records

7/10 "It is really not THAT bad. It is bad, but not THAT bad."

A film of at times incredible and hilarious ineptitude (scenes of the "gods" on Mount Olympus are interrupted constantly by the sounds of honking horns, which are often louder than the heavenly dialogue) saved to some extent by the sincere starring duo of Stang and Schwartzenneger (whose voice is dubbed in the theatrical version, perhaps unintentionally making this film funnier for those like myself who've seen more than a few Italian "pec epics").

Not a true action picture, more of an attempt at comedy that is more often funny against its intentions. Try to count how many times Arnie says "I am Hercules" (as if to convince HIMSELF that he's truly acting), and if you can make it to the end I'll give you a cracker or something.

You gotta love this film.