Pinóquio

Where do you even begin? You have to wonder why some Disney exec hasn't come right out and said the quiet part out loud, that they are on a quest to destroy everything that was great about Disney and completely make that legacy unrecognizable. Pinocchio doesn't seem to be an active participant in the movie he's more a victim of circumstance. He doesn't make any decisions, he's just kind of along for the ride and he really didn't have to suffer any consequences for choices. The original movie actually taught kids something valuable, and in this one they've watered down every single one of those elements. Apparently the lesson that they want to teach kids in this one is that there is no personal responsibility there's always somebody else to blame. Lying is no longer something that is to be avoided if it can be used as a superpower to get you your own way and it's a benefit to you. What an absolute disappointment.

"Oh, i just hit my boy of wood with a piece of wood"

Robert Zemeckis' Pinocchio is dire. Most of the CGI characters are hard to look at with Pinocchio being the worst offender. I couldn't imagine buying a toy of this version of Pinocchio, it's rather creepy looking.

The worst part of the movie is the fantasy island part. In the 1940 version, the donkey scenes to this day are terrifying, it really is a trip. Here it's just....nothing. That's probably the best way to describe the movie, a total waste of everyone's time.

Tom Hanks sleepwalks his way throughout the movie, almost as if he's only doing it as a favour to Zemeckis. I had to put the subtitles on for Geppetto as the performance consists mostly of just mutters and grunts. Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Jiminy Cricket doesn't have the originals warmth and humour and grates for most of the running time.

Robert Zemeckis has fallen off big time. He used to create original work such as Back To The Future, Forrest Gump, Who Framed Roger Rabbit. Now he directs remakes of The Witches, A Christmas Carol and Pinocchio. Such a waste.

This may be the worst Disney live-action movie. They really need to stop cashing in on their classics with tripe such as this.

On this viewing, Guillermo Del Toro doesn't have much to worry about with his version of Pinocchio. It can't be any worse than this.

I'm gonna be honest, I do try my best to tolerate most of the live action remakes. We only got Jungle Book as the only one worth watching, everything else are either decent or just okay. Now the movie is released, I can already see a good reason people will debate this and the 2019 Lion King. The 2022 Pinocchio remake may not be the worst Disney Plus film, but this could be the worst live action Disney remake to date. There are Pinocchio movies out there that do try to find a way to tell the story of the character well. But this is more of a recycled film from the original 1940 one. Despite it does have some of the performances that's fateful to the original film, it had a weak execution with a poorly written story, mediocre characters, overly dark setups, and awful looking visuals. The one thing I'll say the visuals got right is with Pinocchio himself. But for the most part, they can be out of place and most of the designs try way too hard to make animal characters realistic. I mean, we already gotten Ugly Sonic in Chip and Dale. What more do you want to do all that in, Disney Plus? Of course as a painfully pointless live action Disney remake, I recommend to skip this one and stick with the original film. But you know what, let's all be thankful at least we're getting the one by Del Toro at the end of the year. When that gets released, I can guarantee it will be the one you'd want to watch instead. I think Disney should take a break from remaking their classic animated films before they embarrass themselves the more that are made.

'Pinocchio' (2022)

Opening thoughts: Will admit to not being a fan on the whole of the Disney live action remakes/re-imaginings. The only ones for me that were above good were 'The Jungle Book' and 'Cinderella', while 'Aladdin' and 'Lady and the Tramp' were especially underwhelming. There were quite a few reasons for seeing this 2022 'Pinocchio'. One was my love for Disney. Two was for the cast, with a particularly high opinion of Tom Hanks. The 1940 Disney film is one of their best and one of the best animated films ever made in my view. And Carlo Collodi's source material is a classic.

Despite the potential that it had (though my expectations were mixed due to not being a fan of the Disney remakes as said), to me the film was well below average and a big disappointment. There are a few good things here, but the worst of the many bad things are very poor indeed and it loses so much of what made the 1940 film so brilliant. It is a failure as a remake, but this viewer has always a film etc on its own terms but the film fails in this regard as well. Actually love much of the work of Robert Zemeckis, with 'Back to the Future' and 'Who Framed Roger Rabbit' being major personal favourites, but had a very hard time believing that this came from him.

Good things: There are good things. There is some nice, handsome photography and production design. Absolutely loved the cuckoo clocks, which were very imaginatively designed and magical.

Hanks gives the best performance, his Geopetto having a good deal of warmth and sincerity. Very close behind is Keegan Michael Key, giving his absolute all to Honest John and he is fun to watch.

Bad things: On the other hand, there is a lot that doesn't work. The rest of the acting doesn't work. Benjamin Evans Ainsworth is very bland and does little to make Pinocchio endearing or interesting, while Joseph Gordon Levitt comes over as far too hammy and mean spirited as Jiminy. Cynthia Erivo does her best but is underused and the Blue Fairy doesn't really do an awful lot, and Luke Evans is pretty much wasted as a character that doesn't have anywhere near enough of the nightmarish menace he had in the 1940 film.

Moreover, the CGI is very poor. It looks very cheap, the early 90s video game like look sticks out too much like a sore thumb and looks significantly lower-budgeted. Monstro fares worst, looking like something out of a SyFy original. Pinocchio's expressions are lifeless, have no nuance and almost unintentionally creepy, making the expressions in the 'Lion King' remake look more expressive and nuanced in comparison. Only Geopetto and to a lesser extent Honest John make much of an impression as characters, Pinocchio is too much of a brat, is too perfect and doesn't learn anything which makes his journey near pointless. Jiminy is annoying while the villains are underwritten plot devices, especially the Coachman.

Zemeckis' direction has no life or inspiration, very by the numbers, and it looked as if he was not that interested in the project or liked the source material that much. That may not be the case in real life but this viewer got that sense here. Especially in the climax, which has no tension whatsoever, no emotion and is rushed, not helped by Monstro's cheap design and complete lack of menace. A complete watering down of one of Disney's greatest ever climaxes. The lack of resolution at the end was a mistake and made the journey and the film feel incomplete. The songs are forgettable at best and cringe-worthy at worst, the the Coachman's also came over as out of place and wastes Evans' fine singing. The script is very stilted and the story has no charm, fun, emotion or atmosphere of any kind. It is just bland, dully paced and going through the motions storytelling that has nothing to it or any point.

Closing thoughts: Concluding, hugely disappointing. Of all the Disney remakes, this is a contender for the worst.

3/10.

Yet another live action adaptation from Disney of one of their beloved cartoon classics. You wonder why they bothered in this instance when most of the characters are CGI anyway with the exception of Tom Hanks, seriously miscast as the eccentric inventor. As usual with these modern-day Disney productions, this is a bland and soulless affair that goes through the motions without ever engaging the senses. It's not quite as long as some of these remakes can be, thankfully, but it fails to stir the senses in every respect and I find it quite telling that the CGI Pinnocchio has less humanity in his eyes than the old animated version.