To Catch a Yeti

I don't know why I thought this might be good. Turns out it's virtually comedy free and full of plot holes. There was one only funny moment in the entire movie. The best joke was when they were in the train station and they announced the last train to Clarksville, but it wasn't funny enough to make me laugh. You might like this if your are 8 years old but anyone older won't enjoy this for a minute.

Ever look at a ratty stuffed toy and wish that its eyes moved around a little and its mouth sort of opened and closed? Well, have I got the movie event you've been waiting for! For the rest of us unfortunate enough to watch this piece of poo, you'll want to kill yourself just like the police in the small town will apparently do if you told them someone stole your yeti! Yes, the makers of this film thought lets make a film about a crummy looking stuffed toy and have the most horrifically obnoxious characters ever interact with it and for reasons that still baffle me, they thought Meatloaf was some sort of real super strong badass who could portray a hunter...

The story, Big Jake and his traveling companion fatboy or lard guy or something along those lines are in Nepal searching for a yeti that is not at all like you would expect as it is not large, but rather looks like a scraggly piece of rodent roadkill. It eludes capture by hiding in a bag of a person camping and he somehow does not notice it as he packs his bags and heads home where his daughter unnaturally leaves a piece of pumpkin pie outside the bathroom door for her father and this seemingly unnatural act is the first of many as when the creature is discovered the girl proudly says that she found its penis, thus, she knows its a boy! Meanwhile, Big Jake keeps tracking it and never breaks out in song while we see the most obnoxious portrayal of a kid ever! The only way I made it through this drek is that it is featured on Rifftrax and even then the jokes made at the movies expense could not make this film so bad its good...

The only 'actor' of note is musician Meatloaf who was kind of trying to do acting during this time. The makers of this film apparently thought he was a tough guy, but I remember him most for singing a song and getting axed by Dr. Frankenfurter from Rocky Horror! I have never pictured him as anything but a dude who would most likely grow tired and pass out after a few seconds in a fight. The yeti looks horrible, some other reviewer thought that thing was cute, but I have seen decomposing animals on the side of the road that looked more alive and less ratty than the thing in this film. Also, it apparently starts to die when it overheats, so shouldn't it have died like when it was in the dude's bag for like the longest time ever?

So if you wish to torture yourself and watch a ratty toy go on an adventure, this is the film for you! For everyone else, I implore you to never lay your eyes upon this most foulest of crap! It is an excruciating film to watch as you watch people act unnaturally as people who have sons that purposely electrocute maids do not buy them a yeti, they send them to military school or therapy!

TO CATCH A YETI is an awful kid's adventure film about a baby Yeti that finds itself kidnapped by a pair of hunters and transported to America, where it falls in with your average family and yearns to get back home to the snow again. That's the entire plot of the film, which mainly consists of dumb scenes involving a model Yeti that rips off the look of Gizmo in the GREMLINS movies. Highlights of the film include the Yeti going on a skateboard ride through a local park and being smuggled in somebody's backpack. The animatronic effects are very poor, leaving this looking like a plastic model for the most part.

Even worse are the performances, especially those from a couple of the worst child actors I've seen in a while. A couple of the women seemed to have British accents and if they truly are British actors then I can only apologise for their presence here. Meat Loaf is the most fun actor as the stereotypical villain but even he's poor, just slightly less poor than everything and everyone else around him.

In 1994, Meat Loaf fiercely attempted to end his acting career by playing Big Jake Grizzly, a hunter who tries to catch a yeti.

Okay, brace yourselves, here it comes: the mighty yeti is about 20 inches tall and looks like the furry result of a disastrous love affair between a Gremlin and a Monchichi. Yikes.

The Yeti escapes to the big city and hides out with an American family. The whole thing is of course reminiscent of E. T. and ALF... if you subtract the homesickness drama and all the humor. The frazzled teddy doesn't talk, he just stares super cutely. He hardly ever moves, just squats around or is carried. The puppet animation is just lousy, so that there is no sympathy for the annoying sit-down monster.

This movie is so stupid that you wonder how something like this could ever be filmed. It thankfully only ran on TV and was released on VHS, but my goodness, real people watched this! The makers should be prosecuted for this.

Well... it's a movie. About a yeti. That people are trying to catch.

Strangely enough, the yeti is caught numerous times, so the movie really lives up to that title. In fact, that's about all that happens.

I only just saw this through Rifftrax and even with the boys mocking it, this was really, really bad. This is the kind of movie that really does make you scratch your head and wonder "how did this get greenlit? Who gave this thing a budget? Are those people even allowed to make movies anymore?". I get that not every movie in the 90's had big budgets and fancy effects, but this is just horrid to watch. I keep seeing comments about this being an ET rip-off, but I think they were trying more for bigfoot "Harry and the Henderson's".

Even watching Meatloaf degrade himself in this tripe is painful to watch, like they told him to just "do whatever", but even he didn't seem to have any direction on what he wanted to do. He just doesn't come off as menacing in this movie. For that matter, I was more afraid of him as JB's father in 'The Pick Of Destiny'.

His sidekick, the bumbling idiot aptly named Blubber, just makes you cringe at every line and every move he makes. There are good goofy sidekicks and there are bad goofy sidekicks. Guess where he falls in? It's one of those instances where you want to ask Big Jake why he even keeps the moron around if he just screws up everything. Blubber is the Starscream to Jake's Megatron.

Then there's the "evil" son Wesley. Pretty sure he takes the cake as far as menacing goes. The costume department keeps having him dress up as some Nazi or Russian looking military officer. It honestly reminds me of Cartman from South Park, but done very badly. I wonder if they were trying to do some tounge-in-cheek reference to Wesley Crusher with the repeated "shut up, Wesley" lines, but I don't see a connection.

The rest of the cast is forgettable and wooden, like this movie, so no need to talk further about them.

No yeti's were harmed in the making of this movie, but you'll wish they had been because it's so blatantly obvious that it's just a puppet that I kept expecting Jeff Dunham to show up and shove his hand up its rear and make it talk. I'm assuming they didn't have a budget to get a guy to put a yeti suit on, probably couldn't get permission for it to shoot in the city locations either. They make up some BS about its size to cover up the fact that it's just some mutant-looking mogwai that almost turned into a gremlin, but kept its fur.

Overall, I think the only way to watch this movie is with the Rifftrax dialogue, it at least makes it tolerable.