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Even before "Night Visitor" reaches the end, there will be one question that will keep coming up in your mind: "How did this terrible independent production get picked up by a major Hollywood studio?" Indeed, it's a mystery as to why MGM/UA got the distribution rights, but it's pretty easy to figure out why they subsequently didn't do much with it. (I'm not even sure it played in theaters!) It's a pretty cheap movie, with the low budget making the movie suffer throughout, such as with poor audio and obviously post-dubbed dialogue. But even if the movie had been slickly executed, it would still suffer from a dumb and unlikable protagonist, unfunny comedy, and unthrilling thriller elements. Oh, and some of the most obvious padding you'll see - there's only enough plot for about half a movie. The movie does boast a once in a lifetime cast - Gould, Roundtree, Tweed, Garfield, Pollard - but none of these actors are particularly well used. (And their performances, especially Gould's, suggest they know they are in a turkey.) The movie should only be seen by those curious about how MGM/UA lost its touch by the end of the '80s.

It's the solid performances from some recognisable faces that lift this all too typical boy-who-cried-wolf theme in this inconsistent low-budget satanic thriller. What strike me the most was how the storyline is so close to Tom Holland's terrific vampire film 'Fright Night (1985)', but it comparison it does lack the charm and thrills of that film. Vampires no more, but Satanists are the flavour. The hysterically unusual pairing of a wearily scorning Allan Garfield and playfully loony Michael J Pollard was a hammy blast as the two Satanist brothers. Derek Rydall and Teresa Vander Woude make for appealing teen leads that get caught up in the devilish mess. Richard Roundtree's no-bull performance is lean, but potent as the detective on the case and Elliott Gould is amusing as a retired detective who comes out of retirement to help out the teenagers. In support roles the ravishing Shannon Tweed and eventual porn-star Teri Wiegel added some sexual energy. Henry Gibson also pops up. Director Rupert Hitzig hones in a workable display and keeps it on the move, even if his jump tactics inadequately fail. Anyhow the predictably implausible and contrived screenplay seems to be playing it for camp laughs, than actual chills. Just wait for the chainsaw and shotgun clash! It's like it's made up of a bunch of comical errors and eccentric passages, but one or two sequences install some welcoming suspense. But really, the humour does overplay it. And what was the idea of that corn-riddled, over extended ending accompanied with a howling song. It was awful! The whip-lashed musical score drums up the repetitive chanting ala 'The Omen' style, but it doesn't come near Goldsmith's classic piece.

Dig the crazy "once in a lifetime cast" populating this obnoxious late 80s supernatural teen horror opus: Allen Garfield (THE CONVERSATION, BUSTING), Elliot Gould (M*A*S*H*, BUSTING), Richard "Shaft" Roundtree, Michael J. Pollard (DIRTY LITTLE BILLY, "Star Trek"), Shannon Tweed, Henry Gibson, and 90s porn sensation Teri Wiegel? To hell with the movie! the casting work alone makes watching this crap almost worthwhile.

Which is as lousy of a teen horror movie as they come, though I have to admit it does have a couple of interesting things to offer. Allen Garfield plays a history teacher at a high school for 20 year olds who just happens to be a practicing satanist. With the help of his apparently retarded brother Michael J. Pollard, Garfield has been leading a double life murdering hookers for Satan when he isn't giving his pretty boy students a hard time for being late to class.

The pretty boy is played by Derek Rydall who fellow aficionados of 80s teen horror will recognize (or, not) as the freak at the center of ERIC'S REVENGE: PHANTOM OF THE MALL, which also had a somewhat bizarre, once in a blue moon cast (Paulie Shore, Morgan Fairchild, Brinke Stevens, and Ken DAWN OF THE DEAD Foree). Rydell is a stunt performer turned would be leading hunk and now a writer ("The Power Rangers") which is helpful because he got to do all of his own stuntwork, though I am not sure if Allen Garfield was that spry.

Back to the movie, Rydell's pretty boy hunk Billy is blessed with a hot mom, a hot gal-pal best friend, and a new hot blond neighbor who is apparently a hooker turning tricks right in her own home. She also doesn't mind if young Billy watches her at work through her windows, gives him cans of beer and flashes her cleavage at him whenever she gets a chance. What a place! In fact everybody in this movie is either gorgeous, well dressed, comfortably rich or all of the above. Even Elliot Gould as the burnt out washed up cop who used to be Billy's dad's partner back when he was on the force. His place has Japanese wicker furniture, a polished hardwood floor and yet he still mopes around in a funny hat just like in BUSTING looking all burnt out & washed up, which Elliot Gould is of course very good at.

Where was I. Oh yes, the neighbor finds herself being murdered for a satanic ritual while Billy watches, he decides to climb up onto her roof to get some pictures to better remember the moment by, and realizes his history teacher is really a disciple of Lucifer. The film then becomes a "Nobody believes me!" game where Billy tries to convince Shaft that his history teacher murdered the hot blond next door.

You'd think someone might listen to the kid -- he even has pictures, mind you -- but no, he and his spunky cute girlfriend have to play Nancy Drew & the Hardy Boy to try and get evidence nailing the guy and end up being chased by Michael J. Pollard in D-Day's Deathmobile from ANIMAL HOUSE. Their solution to get away? THROW A WATERMELON THROUGH THE FRONT WINDSHIELD, which isn't as surprising as the realization that people grow watermelons in Los Angeles in random urban lots.

Meanwhile (there are a LOT of meanwhiles in this movie) Michael J. Pollard also has porn starlet Teri Wiegel chained up down in their basement, and she gets to display her naked breasts for the camera before being slaughtered as a ritual prize for Satan. Yet amazingly this is done in a manner that is surprisingly un-sleazy, which is about the only thing I would fault the movie for: It's not sleazy enough, and ultimately too stupid to actually take seriously.

And yet it has a certain something: Allen Garfield is one of cinema's great overlooked villain actors, his crazed bugging expert gave me nightmares after seeing THE CONVERSATION for about the hundredth time, and what's funny is that the movie actually has no problem with his high school teacher being a satanic pervert. It's just like belonging to the Rotary Club or something, and the weird part is that nobody seems to care even when it should be pretty obvious that the guy has some major judgment issues as he plays bizarre, legally problematic head games with his students. While wearing a pink tie. Right.

You'd think somebody would have said something to the school board about him, but there's a sort of white-bread suburbanite conspiracy going on in the movie's fictional community where everybody does their best to fit in, not rock the boat, and just shrug it off as one of those things. Which is what might work best about the film: Any community that has hookers wandering the streets, satanists butchering them and hot blonds moving in next door who don't mind being ogled by their horny neighbors can't be all that boring of a place to live, I guess.

4/10

This is a classic two week shoot genre flick that is fun all the way around. For the genre, the directing by Hitzig is great, and the show is stolen by a small part done by Jovanni Brascia as a john. Everyone studying film, should watch this to see how the basics work, when you have no or little budget. It is done remarkably well and the cast is stellar. Based on what is in this film, Rupert Hitzig is a man we will hear a lot about.

A pair of satanists drive around in an old black Cadillac, picking up hookers to sacrifice. A high school student who's always telling tall tales (I was late to school because my mother burned her hair when her hairdryer exploded!) tries to get closer to a female friend, and meets a sexy older woman who moves in next door.

The high schooler witnesses a murder, and even though when the police show up the body is there as described, murdered when and how he described, they don't believe him when he says who the killer is. I found that a bit hard to believe, even given his penchant for making up stories.

A bit randomly, his best friend is a smartass named Sam Loomis, like Donald Pleasance's character in Halloween.

The satanists (of which there are only two) kill some women in their car, and some in their house. They don't seem to actually have any satanic powers.

There's a few recognizable faces in the movie. Michael J. Pollard plays a sort of character he's played before, a man with the mind of a child. Henry Gibson shows up briefly as a police consultant on satanic crimes. Richard Roundtree plays a cop, as he has a thousand times. Elliot Gould is a family friend who the student tries to enlist.

The movie never really takes off at any point. The ending concludes things, and then follows with a musical montage and a freeze-frame which struck me as silly.