I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle is the definition of "Good Bad", from the title that describes the entire plot, to the broad-brush performances, to the suspension of disbelief that comes when you know the budget is laughably small, but you *don't care*. Those who love the work of Troma will discover that the British can do the same thing, and with even more gore and humour.

Neil Morrissey, pre "Men behaving Badly", plays Noddy, an innocent young Birmingham motorbike courier who buys a classic Norton with a dark history. What follows provides a hilariously imaginative reworking of every scene you'd expect from a self-respecting vamp flick, but on two wheels and set in Birmingham. The special effects are zero-budget but enthusiastic, and the title creature in its mutated hunting guise is a highly impressive piece of kit, complete with Ancient Briton-style axle blades. Morrissey looks as terrified and bemused as the script requires him to be, but the film is stolen by Anthony "C3PO" Daniels as a camply gung-ho biker exorcist, complete with razor-sharp throwing-crosses. Michael Elphick provides sterling support as a Sweeney-esque copper with a life-saving taste in snacks. As the punk rock soundtrack pounds (complete with inevitable theme song "She Runs On Blood...She Don't Run On Gasoline) and the severed heads of Hells Angels fly across the screen, you will revel in thrills, spills, cheap sexual innuendo, and low comedy. See it.

An enjoyable romp by the cast of Boon who are obviously enjoying themselves in a silly but entertaining horror.

Not to be taken seriously , not the greatest horror , a definite B-Movie as it was supposed to be , so for me it hits the targets .

If you liked Boon a motorcycle courier and almost Rockford files English TV programme with Michael Elphick and Neil Morrisey just shot in Nottingham rather than Birmingham which the film is then u will probably enjoy the actors hamming it up.

Reminded me of some of the old Dracula films by Hammer , but using a motorbike instead of a foreign Count and that i think is what it is a Homage to Hammer by a TV cast using cheap effects and filming worth watching just don't expect too much.

What a lovely piece of nastiness this B-movie shlock horror flick is.

The story itself is pretty basic. A Hell's Angels gang is carrying out a Black Mass to call out a nasty Daemon when a rival gang crash the party. The combatants are too late though. The Daemon has arrived and he's possessed a Norton Motorbike. This bike is then bought and repaired by bike enthusiast Noddy (Neil Morrissey)... but when the sun sets the bike sets off around the city looking for its own special brand of go-go-juice... Blood... Human Blood!

What makes this story so enjoyable though is the dark humour and the tongue-in-cheek storytelling. All the cliches are here, though, none of them is taken seriously.

The director, Dirk Campbell, tries his hardest to add an eerie atmosphere using lighting and colour techniques. However, what we get is a more '80's pop video. Which, in itself, isn't bad and gives the film a distinct feeling of style. What the director does well is use what's on offer to the best of his ability. For example the decapitations. Though the act isn't the best effect out, what he does with the severed heads makes up for it. Noddy's mate's, Buzzer, severed head look brilliant because of the way it's handled. Even when he appears as a talking turd in a nightmare it looks shockingly good. He even adds to the humour by using the motorcycle's headlight as the Daemon's eye and having him ogle Noddy's girlfriend, Kim. Then when Noddy and the priest have to run to the exorcism you know you're gonna hear The Batman '66 theme... and you just have to giggle.

The acting is above average, though it's not the lead characters who are the strongest in the cast. It's Michael Elphic as the garlic chomping copper, Anthony Daniels as the biker priest, and Andy Powell as the angry Hell's Angel boss who will stand out the most. They play their roles beautifully and just over the top enough to suit this film. I have to say though that the silent statue of the Chinese takeaway, Burt Kwok is my favourite of the pack... and he says nowt.

I have to say, though this only gets an average score it's well worth at least one watch. It's also that type of film you may fall in love with. So if you love horror and comedy then give this film a look-see. It's a very enjoyable hour and a half.

A trouble-making biker gang murders some occultists, apparently just for the Hell of it. But the demon that the occultists were summoning enters a damaged Norton Commando motorcycle, which at some point later enters into the possession of a young chap named Noddy (Neil Morrissey, 'Men Behaving Badly'). Soon, it has revealed its true colours: yes, it really does suck blood (you have to see this to believe it), and hates the sunlight! Noddy teams up with a heroic priest (Anthony "C-3PO" Daniels, of all people) to exorcise the demon.

Although this goes on a bit longer than any B movie really should (at an hour and 46 minutes), "I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" provides outrageous fun as long as the prospective viewer isn't too demanding. It's not for people who ordinarily dislike comedy with their horror, but others will appreciate the fact that it adopts a heavy tongue-in-cheek attitude. It's often quite amusing, especially when the bike gives itself a demonic "makeover". It claims a reasonable amount of victims, in enjoyably gory fashion, and can even scale walls.

The performances are all quite enjoyable. Morrissey is an amiable (if somewhat oblivious at first) lead. Amanda Noar (the real-life Mrs. Morrissey at the time) is an appealing, sexy leading lady. Michael Elphick ("The Element of Crime") is a real hoot as an investigating detective. Daniels likewise tickled this viewers' funny bone. Andrew Powell (as bike gang leader Roach), George Rossi (as his associate Chopper), and the briefly seen Daniel Peacock ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") comprise a good supporting cast. However, if you've heard that Burt "Cato" Kwouk is in this, be advised that his (non-speaking) cameo amounts to very little. (He *does*, however, have a rather unfortunate name that elicits a cheap laugh.)

This little flick is a good candidate for a cult favourite, and it just goes to show that the Brits can pull off this kind of self-aware schlock just as neatly as anyone. It may reek of a minimal budget, but that only adds to the good vibes for any B movie lover.

Seven out of 10.

British horror comedy featuring a bunch of familiar faces from British TV of the time about a vampire motorcycle. A 1970's Norton to be precise. Certainly original, this is a decent romp with laughs plus plenty of gore. There is a gross scene involving a talking turd which then jumps down our hero's throat! And there's also an exorcism featuring an eccentric priest. Non Brits may at times struggle with the humour or slang. It is a good, fun movie but at times is a tad too silly and at over 100 minutes perhaps could have benefited from losing about 10 minutes.