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What a lovely piece of nastiness this B-movie shlock horror flick is.

The story itself is pretty basic. A Hell's Angels gang is carrying out a Black Mass to call out a nasty Daemon when a rival gang crash the party. The combatants are too late though. The Daemon has arrived and he's possessed a Norton Motorbike. This bike is then bought and repaired by bike enthusiast Noddy (Neil Morrissey)... but when the sun sets the bike sets off around the city looking for its own special brand of go-go-juice... Blood... Human Blood!

What makes this story so enjoyable though is the dark humour and the tongue-in-cheek storytelling. All the cliches are here, though, none of them is taken seriously.

The director, Dirk Campbell, tries his hardest to add an eerie atmosphere using lighting and colour techniques. However, what we get is a more '80's pop video. Which, in itself, isn't bad and gives the film a distinct feeling of style. What the director does well is use what's on offer to the best of his ability. For example the decapitations. Though the act isn't the best effect out, what he does with the severed heads makes up for it. Noddy's mate's, Buzzer, severed head look brilliant because of the way it's handled. Even when he appears as a talking turd in a nightmare it looks shockingly good. He even adds to the humour by using the motorcycle's headlight as the Daemon's eye and having him ogle Noddy's girlfriend, Kim. Then when Noddy and the priest have to run to the exorcism you know you're gonna hear The Batman '66 theme... and you just have to giggle.

The acting is above average, though it's not the lead characters who are the strongest in the cast. It's Michael Elphic as the garlic chomping copper, Anthony Daniels as the biker priest, and Andy Powell as the angry Hell's Angel boss who will stand out the most. They play their roles beautifully and just over the top enough to suit this film. I have to say though that the silent statue of the Chinese takeaway, Burt Kwok is my favourite of the pack... and he says nowt.

I have to say, though this only gets an average score it's well worth at least one watch. It's also that type of film you may fall in love with. So if you love horror and comedy then give this film a look-see. It's a very enjoyable hour and a half.

British horror comedy featuring a bunch of familiar faces from British TV of the time about a vampire motorcycle. A 1970's Norton to be precise. Certainly original, this is a decent romp with laughs plus plenty of gore. There is a gross scene involving a talking turd which then jumps down our hero's throat! And there's also an exorcism featuring an eccentric priest. Non Brits may at times struggle with the humour or slang. It is a good, fun movie but at times is a tad too silly and at over 100 minutes perhaps could have benefited from losing about 10 minutes.

Brummie motorbike courier Noddy (Neil Morrissey) buys himself a classic Norton Commando, unaware that his new ride is possessed by a demon and requires blood for fuel. With the help of a garlic-breathed police detective (Michael Elphick) and a biker priest (Anthony Daniels), Noddy tries to stop the evil machine's reign of terror.

A man behaving badly, Private Schulz and C3PO versus a motorbike: this loopy British comedy horror looks cheap and the humour is uneven, but it is all so delightfully daft that it's hard to hate on it too much. Similar in tone to early Peter Jackson movies (but nowhere near as full throttle, mind you), I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle combines low-brow comedy with oodles of gore, making it the perfect accompaniment to a couple of beers (or whatever you prefer to smoke).

The craziness includes a talking turd in a toilet (played by Daniel Peacock), a sword fight in a pub, an ex-Grange Hill student (Paula Ann Bland) in a nurse's uniform being cut in half, the riderless Norton decapitating a gang of Hell's Angels, a traffic warden getting her comeuppance, and Burt Kwouk as a Chinese Takeaway owner called Fu King. All that and a healthy serving of cheesy splatter makes the film worth a go, even if we are presented with the genuinely horrific sight of Morrissey's arse rising from the crapper.

This was one of the best b-films I've seen for a long time, with humorous references to classic sixties biker/horror films such as Psychomania and The Damned, more than a few hilarious one liners, and Neil Morrisey before he was famous. And anyone who has actually owned and ridden a Norton like the star of the film, will know exactly where the writers are coming from. Rent it now - highly recommended for an evenings dvd entertainment.

Films such as this, simply made and at low cost, can go either way as to insult your intelligence or titillate your senses of fun and humour. This particular genre, the British independent film genre, is taken to lower levels and with good company such as "Psychomania" aka "Death Wheelers" (1973) that rolls along with Nicky Henson, Beryl Reid (1919-1996) and George Sanders (1906-1972), joining the shenanigans "Come Play with Me" (1977) has Mary Millington (1945-1979) jumping on more than the band-wagon, too, Johnny Vegas and Mackenzie Crook in the half-baked "Sex Lives of the Potato Men" (2004) and the whiter-than-white "The Calcium Kid" (2004) delivered to us by a young Orlando Bloom making an all too disinvite crease in this celluloid bargain-basement bin genre.

It's all been done before; the highest example for this accolade is the winning team of the exceptionally successful English comedy franchise the "Carry On..." films (all Pinewood Studios shot) spanning thirty years (1958-1978). For decades this British tradition of slap-stick, innuendoes, double entendre and low-brow wit regurgitated as it may feel never feels drawn-out but is highly additive cinema indeed; it's a language all of its own.

"I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" is no different, but it tries its hardest not to excluded itself from this pile. It fits into all the niches that brings this into the fold. On the surface this comes over as rather unsophisticated and that is exactly what it is. It holds no punches set against its downfalls of low budget production and simpleminded script. Saying this, this does not make for a poor, dull and unoriginal score. Bearing in mind its premise is extremely original and this is its draw and fascination.

A British Norton Commando motorcycle inadvertently becomes the harbinger of death and commands a thirst of a bloodlust that brings laughs from the bottom of the barrel to casually float to the top with the classic British one-liner technique. While not smutty, its sarcasm and target-audience clichés hold up the lowest common denominator and delivers its strength and keeps the stakes deeply pushed into the heart of this quirky little motor with a few nuts & bolts of its own to give this production a slant of personality.

To surpass beyond the pale of barrow-boy antics we see that the pièce de résistance is most definably the art of the cameo. Here we see film and television personalities as Burt Kwouk (1930-2016) "The Return of the Pink Panther" (1975) etc, "Tenko" and Ed Devereaux (1925-2003) "Skippy" plus a unusually cast, but a undeniably surreal highlight, Anthony Daniels "Star Wars (1977) as a trike riding priest to raise an eyebrow of intrigue and surprise.

This is certainly a film of night or day, with such a captivating title as "I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle", it draws you in to entice you to its curiosity. Being what it is, it holds no pretentious misgivings as to what you are getting. You may reach the fork in the road and on seeing this you may, you can, then decide if you were humoured or simply taken for a ride.

An enjoyable romp by the cast of Boon who are obviously enjoying themselves in a silly but entertaining horror.

Not to be taken seriously , not the greatest horror , a definite B-Movie as it was supposed to be , so for me it hits the targets .

If you liked Boon a motorcycle courier and almost Rockford files English TV programme with Michael Elphick and Neil Morrisey just shot in Nottingham rather than Birmingham which the film is then u will probably enjoy the actors hamming it up.

Reminded me of some of the old Dracula films by Hammer , but using a motorbike instead of a foreign Count and that i think is what it is a Homage to Hammer by a TV cast using cheap effects and filming worth watching just don't expect too much.

Dreadful! A friend of mine (who obviously thought I had an abysmal sense of humour) recommended this.

It's bobbins. I almost switched it off. It is only my anal desire to not leave things unfinished that prevented me doing so.

This was evidently a British attempt to make a movie with a bunch of also ran TV actors using some lame script from their mate in the business. I struggle to think of anything even approaching the paucity of this movie. Less funny than global warming.

I'm not normally so vehement, but I watched this well over ten years ago and thought that I wasted an hour or so of my life on it is destructive.

Puerile, plot less, useless tosh.

I'd rather eat my feet than watch it again.

A trouble-making biker gang murders some occultists, apparently just for the Hell of it. But the demon that the occultists were summoning enters a damaged Norton Commando motorcycle, which at some point later enters into the possession of a young chap named Noddy (Neil Morrissey, 'Men Behaving Badly'). Soon, it has revealed its true colours: yes, it really does suck blood (you have to see this to believe it), and hates the sunlight! Noddy teams up with a heroic priest (Anthony "C-3PO" Daniels, of all people) to exorcise the demon.

Although this goes on a bit longer than any B movie really should (at an hour and 46 minutes), "I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" provides outrageous fun as long as the prospective viewer isn't too demanding. It's not for people who ordinarily dislike comedy with their horror, but others will appreciate the fact that it adopts a heavy tongue-in-cheek attitude. It's often quite amusing, especially when the bike gives itself a demonic "makeover". It claims a reasonable amount of victims, in enjoyably gory fashion, and can even scale walls.

The performances are all quite enjoyable. Morrissey is an amiable (if somewhat oblivious at first) lead. Amanda Noar (the real-life Mrs. Morrissey at the time) is an appealing, sexy leading lady. Michael Elphick ("The Element of Crime") is a real hoot as an investigating detective. Daniels likewise tickled this viewers' funny bone. Andrew Powell (as bike gang leader Roach), George Rossi (as his associate Chopper), and the briefly seen Daniel Peacock ("Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves") comprise a good supporting cast. However, if you've heard that Burt "Cato" Kwouk is in this, be advised that his (non-speaking) cameo amounts to very little. (He *does*, however, have a rather unfortunate name that elicits a cheap laugh.)

This little flick is a good candidate for a cult favourite, and it just goes to show that the Brits can pull off this kind of self-aware schlock just as neatly as anyone. It may reek of a minimal budget, but that only adds to the good vibes for any B movie lover.

Seven out of 10.

Well we've had a demon possess a car before in The Car (1977) so why not a motorcycle. While The Car worked as a horror this doesn't. The Americans can make stupid ideas look cool but us Brits on the other hand can make stupid ideas look a bit rubbish and this is a case in point. What must have looked like a funny idea written on a napkin over a few drinks in a pub when this idea was probably conceived, in execution it is silly, juvenile and poorly made. You end up laughing at it rather than with it and it makes you wonder how movies like this get green lit in the first place. Don't get me wrong I can appreciate a horror comedy if done well but this isn't one of them.

First time feature film director Dirk Campbell wanted to make a film like Evil Dead but is nowhere near as talented as Sam Raimi in creating a credible horror film on a low budget. While the film has it's tongue firmly in it's cheek Campbell can't quite hit the right notes in delivering the humour and some of the physical effects look clumsy. Having said all that I couldn't stop watching to the end to see if it ever redeemed itself, sadly it didn't.

Written by two film editors who worked on the UK TV series Boon (1986) they somehow convinced the stars of that show Michael Elphick and Neil Morrissey to take part in this nonsense. Anthony Daniels, who played R2D2 in Star Wars, is the Priest who tries to exorcise the possessed motorcycle that Morrissey's character had bought second hand from a dealer. The machine goes on the rampage having been inhabited by an evil spirit that was inadvertently summoned up by a gang of devil worshipping bikers and kills everyone that tries to get in it's way.

Seeing a motorcycle run riot in a hospital and slice a nurse in half has to be seen to be believed, and you won't believe it when you see it. Any atmosphere that it does manage to conjure up immediately gets dispensed with by ill conceived horror or crass humour. If you find a talking turd hilarious then this just might be for you. Before writing this review I had to take a few moments to come to terms with what I had just watched, maybe I didn't get the joke or misjudged what the filmmakers were trying to achieve but in the end I concluded that this is just plain awful. I gave this 3 stars just for the filmmakers having the audacity to try to get such a ridiculous idea over the line and getting it made.

Right, well with a title such as "I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle", I must admit that I was expecting that I would be in for something hilarious. And the movie was labeled as a comedy, so I figured, why not?

I had never actually heard about this 1990 movie prior to stumbling upon it here in 2023 by random luck. And with it being a movie that I hadn't already seen, of course the movie was given a fair chance.

Writers Mycal Miller and John Wolskel, however, failed to conjure up a script and storyline that entertained me. I found nothing entertaining about the script and narrative. And even with Neil Morrissey in the leading role, the movie was a bust. There was nothing funny throughout the course of the movie, making it a rather monotonous affair to sit through.

The acting performances in the movie were mostly corny and campy. But it was actually fun to watch Neil Morrissey in the leading role, and he was the thing that somewhat kept the movie afloat.

Visually then "I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" wasn't particularly impressive. There weren't really anything extraordinary to behold on the screen.

"I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" was a swing and a miss, and it is not a movie that I would recommend you wasting your time, money or effort on.

My rating of director Dirk Campbell's 1990 movie "I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle" lands on a three out of ten stars.

I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle is the definition of "Good Bad", from the title that describes the entire plot, to the broad-brush performances, to the suspension of disbelief that comes when you know the budget is laughably small, but you *don't care*. Those who love the work of Troma will discover that the British can do the same thing, and with even more gore and humour.

Neil Morrissey, pre "Men behaving Badly", plays Noddy, an innocent young Birmingham motorbike courier who buys a classic Norton with a dark history. What follows provides a hilariously imaginative reworking of every scene you'd expect from a self-respecting vamp flick, but on two wheels and set in Birmingham. The special effects are zero-budget but enthusiastic, and the title creature in its mutated hunting guise is a highly impressive piece of kit, complete with Ancient Briton-style axle blades. Morrissey looks as terrified and bemused as the script requires him to be, but the film is stolen by Anthony "C3PO" Daniels as a camply gung-ho biker exorcist, complete with razor-sharp throwing-crosses. Michael Elphick provides sterling support as a Sweeney-esque copper with a life-saving taste in snacks. As the punk rock soundtrack pounds (complete with inevitable theme song "She Runs On Blood...She Don't Run On Gasoline) and the severed heads of Hells Angels fly across the screen, you will revel in thrills, spills, cheap sexual innuendo, and low comedy. See it.

Starting off with a biker group demon worshipping when the rival bike group let loose heel and kill all the guys.

The bod who's been calling up the demon gets possessed and some thing strange happens to the bike!

A normal bloke (noddy) buys it wondering why it only starts at sundown.

The bike getting its own revenge for the killing of its former owner. hilarity ensues with the former cast of boon try's to capture the rouge demon bike.

Thank god C3PO gets involved in the form of the priest.

A classic spoof horror, which you don't see anymore, Still a bit weird watching Neil Morrisey in things other than B&Q adverts.

The film is boring and yet it has to be watched simply because of the premise indicated by the daft title. But the toilet scene is quite fantasticly disgusting. If you have the time, watch it and forget it.

"What a load of SH**" said the Drunk in the Back row of the UCI in West Thurrock. He then fell back into his seat and fell asleep. The movie continues and a piece of SH** nearly chokes a man to death. luckily the drunk was in dreamland when this scene came on.i stayed to the bitter end. The cast have to deliver the worst line i have ever heard.id sooner watch Boys in Blue with Cannon and Ball than this rubbish.Anthony Daniels shows why his best playing C3P0,His awful as a Priest.Loads of Blood and gore no laughs though and considering its a comedy well you could of fooled me.1 out of 10

I've seen this flick a couple times and rather interestingly for me personally was I saw the bike or rather its fiber glass counterpart with wheelchair motors being made in a garage in Basall Common, the chap that made it worked in a garage owned by me dad's mate. I would be over there riding my bike in the field owned by my dad's mate and I would see it being assembled. Cool thing to see though. Neil Morrisey played the part well and it was during his boon days. A b movies go, it's a pretty amusing take on the vampire tale and it doesn't take itself too seriously, plus it was back in the days where film production was hand made so some respect is needed for these types of films regardless of the cheese factor.

I've caught this movie quite a few times and I always enjoy it. It's the tale of a despatch rider (played by Neil Morrisey) who buys a demonically possessed motorcycle that runs on blood instead of petrol. It's a silly idea fleshed out with great characters; a comedy vicar (played by Anthony Daniels) and fine comic copper (Michael Elphick). The films cheap, but resolutely cheerful and the overall effect is very pleasing. Particularly good apres pub viewing. I'd recommend it.

Very similar to the film 'Dog Soldiers' with its approach to Yorkshire humour and catchphrase responses to moments of horror/gore. It's genuinely impressive how such a film was made on a budget and stands out nicely among other films with motorcycles.

The Norton Commando as a Vampire motorcycle seemed almost prophetic as to the future of this brand and the shame it brought to the motorcycle industry too. (I wonder if the new Norton management would be interested in making a sequel?) Considering the year this was made, it's a respectable British approach to B-movies. Admittedly, the Lad-like approach to relationships feels dated.

Watching this movie is like going back in time; lots of blood 'n' guts, and all done in worst possible taste! However, unlike some of the earlier video-nasty 'slasher' films which often just tried to shock, this story unfolds with a sense humour, albeit not very subtle. Without giving too much of the story away, the title sums up the plot. Neil Morrissey is great as Noddy the dispatch rider, who buys a second hand Norton at a 'knock down' price, not realising it's possessed by a vampire demon. Other great performances from Amanda Noar as Kim, Michael Elphick (sadly missed) as garlic-breathed Inspector Cleaver and Anthony Daniels as the Priest ("Let's go and kick some bottom!"). This is surely Danny Peacock's finest hour when he appears as a talking turd! Also good to see Burt Kwouk as the owner of an unfortunately named Chinese Takeaway and Graham Padden as PC Ben E. Dorm. Great music score by Dean Friedman, who coincidentally also wrote the music for Boon (starring Michael Elphick and Neil Morrissey). It's a pity they don't make films like this any more!

Faster than a 'Silver Bullet', more riotously revolutionary than 'Werewolves on Wheels', and no less terminally toxic than 'The Cars that Ate Paris', 'I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle' is demonstratively one of the most recklessly revved up, sardonically supercharged, ferociously fast-paced, wickedly warped, blood-suckingly sinister, wrong-headedly risqué, plasma pistoned, gore-guzzling, sleekly shaped, bespoke slasher films from the 1990s to singularly feature a beautifully built, crimson crazy, supernaturally souped-up, skin shredding succubus! This terminally twisted, ton-up tarmac terrorist, noisily tools up the crepuscular city streets in its rabid search to slake its savage sanguinary thirsts on any ill-prepared pedestrian, this menacingly motorized misfit eerily exsanguinating its hysterically hapless victims in a vile chocking miasma of bloody mist, bone dust, and eldritch exhaust fumes! 'I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle' is a white-knuckle, snidely slashing vampire Video Nasty, wherein this sordidly spike-wheeled, serially sin-seeking, carotid corrupting, ceaselessly blood-hungering, hate-fuelled, tanked up, twin-wheeled, maniacally monstrous, morbidly man-mangling motorcycle makes for one sleazy rider, this relentlessly rule breaking, bone-shatteringly boorish, Brummie-set B-Movie barnstormer has more coarse-power than 'Shaun of the Dead', and the luridly low brow, lower budget, high octane, fearlessly freewheeling, frequently funny horror film's greatest Boon are the locomotive, terrifically toothsome performances from telly's favourite he man hunks, Neil Morrissey, and the always fabulous Michael Elphick! The preternaturally perverse, campy vampy fang favourite 'I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle' just might drive you insane...with laughter!!!!