Fantasies

I saw this movie way back at the first theatrical release, in a justifiably empty theater. Believe it or not, after decades of watching movies, this one still sticks clearly in my mind as the worst movie of all time; or at least the worst that I would allow myself to watch.

The acting is far beneath the standard set by any random group of drunken high-school students yanked off the street and forced to learn their lines in 5 minutes or less.

After the first shock of disbelief, we laughed for a while as each scene hit new lows. But after a while, even that dubious pleasure wore off and it just got to be really sad.

You have to understand this movie was shot in 1970 apparently wasn't released for almost 10 years.

What to say about this? Strangely it will probably survive the test of time, 200 years from now people will watch this for the location photography and the filming. Bo Derek of course is the Fantasy here.

If you understand this movie as its suppose to be a fantasy! Hot beautiful girl on a greek island, making love, etc etc.. its great.. the theme was common in the 70s and early 80s.. so John Derek was a master of these type films.. like tinto brass.. or the directors of Emmanuelle etc etc... so take it for what it is. A low budget fantasy film with a very young Bo Derek. Of course she goes on over the decades as she grows up and does more sexually motivated films more mature. But this is the beginning of her career and her journey into woman hood, her coming of age film... born on a greek island so to speak! LOL not much of a story. But most of these types films dont... anyway, if you find the film.. its worth a watch to see Mykonos how it was.. athenes how it was in 1970.

My review was written in November 1981 after a Times Square screening: Filmed in Greece in 1973 as "And Once Upon a Time", this "Fantasies" is the belated release of John and Bo Derek's first collaboration, a modern romantic fable of unbearable naivete. Inane script and absence of sex scenes in this travelog will alienate the team's current fans.

Unworkable premise has young captain Damir (Peter Hooten) and his sister Anastasia (Bo Derek) returning to their Greek island home to mobilize the peasant population to refurbishing the place as a popular tourist trap. Opening reels present a sex tease of incest as Anastasia becomes aware (at 16!) she is a woman and so does her brother. However, the wise local femme mayor (Anna Alexiadis) informs us they were foundlings up separate families brought up as brother and sister, causing fear of incest to switch to sparring romance.

Amidst boring footage of the island, sea and the peasants, emerges the picture's howler of a subplot. It turns out that "Fantasies" is actually a story of Anastasia's bathing habits! In her first scene she fantasizes bathing in a tub in a store window and then complains for several reels to Damir about bathing in the ocean, an activity he revels in. Latter half of the pic has him secretly digging up a huge stone artifact among the ruins, and incredibly, at film's finale he marries her in front of the populace and presents her with the artifact, an ancient bathtub. As their hands embrace during the ceremony, lenser John Derek racks the focus to reveal a vast ship full of tourists arriving in the harbor, ready to be fleeced.

This silly exercise looks and plays eight years later about the same as the duo's eight years after "Tarzan, the Ape Man" -hundreds of adoring closeups of Bo looking innocent, usually with a finger in her mouth; inane baby-talk dialog; silhouetted posing of characters against landscapes; and even stuttering slow-motion photography. Derek even writes in an irrelevant role of a still photographer visiting the island, so he can present an endless montage of Bo posing in various costumes.

Other than some fleeting nudity, there's not much to exploit here. Bo Derek at age 16 is a beauty, differing from her later incarnations mainly in her dark brown tresses, and offering no hint of acting ability. Peter Hooten is overbearing as her protector, with post-synched dialog, neutralizing the effect of the Greek supporting cast. Despite some pleasant folk motifs, the music score is old-fashioned, sporting repeated ballads voiced over lyrical sequences in the '60s manner.

Title "Fantasies" is a misnomer, as only a couple of meek daydreams are included. All told, a curio somewhere between a home movie and professional filmmaking.

There are exactly 2 good things to be said about "Fantasies" (both mentioned by a previous reviewer as well):

a) Bo Derek's extraordinary, poetry-inspiring beauty. She has shots in this movie where she gives even Catherine Zeta-Jones a run for her money, and that's a high compliment indeed. Her nudity is brief and discreet, but just looking at her face is enough.

b) The Greek island setting, with its sun and crystal-clear blue waters.

Other than that, there is no story, the dialogue is abysmal and at times unintentionally funny ("He touched you where you're a woman!"), and Peter Hooten's character is a slimy jerk. Bo overplays the naivete of her character, but then again when you have to work with dialogue this bad it's unfair to blame the actors (the fact that she kept saying the name "Damir" in almost every sentence is a major irritation). Oh, and although the film is set on a Greek island, there is hardly a Greek word to be heard - apparently everyone there, from kids to old people, speaks English the whole time. (*)

Reasons to watch the movie:

1) Bo Derek at 16 looks good and occasionally gets naked. She does a pretty good job playing an immature, insecure 16 year old beauty, in fact

2) Many shots of a pretty Greek island

But:

1) Peter Hooten turns in the worst performance by an actor since Brutus played Caeser's friend in "Roman Senate Proceedings of March 15." He delivers each and every line in a delightful baritone bellow. Turn down the volume whenever he speaks. Preferably all the way down

2) Bo's fantasies are sadly tame, especially by today's standards. A few turns in the bath and as a fully clothed model

3) The plot is skimpier than Bo's costumes