Ghosts Can't Do It

The Derek's have over the 1980s produced a few decent bids to acquire the title "worst movie of all time", and this is probably their prime achievement in these stakes. In fact, this film can be regarded as belonging to the "so bad, it's good" category, right up there with the products of the likes of Edward Wood Jr. or Doris Wishman. This explains the IMDb voting pattern for this film with some people handing out top marks.

Anthony Quinn made the odd dodgy film in his time, but this performance as a randy ghost is so incredibly bad, it has to be seen to be believed.

"Ghosts Can't Do It" has the distinction of winning the Razzie Award for the Worst Picture of 1990. This isn't surprising, as Bo Derek has won three Razzies for Worst Actress (including one for this film). For this reason, I decided to watch this movie.

When the story begins, Kate (Derek) and Scott (Anthony Quinn) are desperately in love despite the huge age difference between them. However, when Scott has a heart attack and is unable to make love to her, he takes his own life. Out of the blue, however, he's magically able to talk with Kate and carries on a detached relationship with her. As for the audience, they can also hear him and see his giant head floating on the screen...an odd effect to say the least.

Because Scott and Katie cannot touch each other, Scott devises a plan. Despite having no assurance whatsoever that it will work, he wants Katie to make love to other guys so he can inhabit their bodies and experience her. Later, he even suggests they arrange for a studly guy to die so Scott can take over his body...and the duo can live happily ever after.

The plot is silly and it seems like it's all just an excuse for Derek to take off her clothes again and again. While she is not much of an actress, she at least handled the nude bits well...and the film is sort of like a soft core porno film with too much story.

So is it any good? Certainly not. It's an embarrassing role for Quinn...he is capable of doing better and you wonder WHY he accepted this role. The same can be said for veteran actor Don Murray. I assume both must have needed the money. The plot is stupid, the dialog is even stupider and Derek, though gorgeous, brings nothing more to the movie. A silly, misguided movie.

I've now watched all four Bo Derek vehicles directed by her husband, John; all are quite terrible, of course, but this is certainly the pits. Featuring the usual flimsy plot, bad scripting – by the director, naturally – and acting, not to mention gratuitous nudity by the star, it deals with her losing much older husband Anthony Quinn (she accepts his shotgun suicide by saying he had always admired Hemingway!!) but who continues to appear and talk to her. In fact, he wants to come back in another, younger body…but actually does so only in the very last scene! Derek is lovely as always, and still playing naïve(!) – especially during a muddled mid-section which has her pursued by a hired killer at a spa. Quinn, too, is typically larger-than-life (read: hammy) here, but this easily constitutes his nadir; besides, for much of the duration, he acts from behind a piece of shiny plastic (presumably suggesting his being in some sort of limbo)! His 'replacement', then, is obviously a handsome-looking stud who hasn't a lick of talent or even personality. Also featured in the cast are Hollywood veterans Don Murray (as Quinn's best friend and Bo's business consultant) and Julie Newmar (as Quinn's guardian angel in the afterlife) – plus a surprising cameo appearance by billionaire Donald Trump (who presumably needed this on his resume')! It also goes without saying that John Derek was his own cinematographer on the film, that the end credits are filled with useless (and corny) expressions of gratitude to the many people who lent a helping hand, and that GHOSTS CAN'T DO IT swept the board at the 1990 Razzie Awards!

Scott (Anthony Quinn) and Katie (Bo Derek) are happily married living on a remote ranch. Scott suffers a heart attack and cannot get it up anymore. In despair, he commits suicide by gunshot. He finds himself in an empty purgatory and able to communicate only with Katie. They work for him to possess men who have sex with her.

This deserves every Golden Razzie it won. The only shame of this is that it taints the legacy of Anthony Quinn by turning him into a talking floating head. He's not romantic. He comes off as a sex-obsessed controlling dirty old man. Bo Derek is never a good actress. This one has walking around talking to herself. She makes her naked body less attractive. I imagine this is what real life with the Dereks look like. It's a lot bickering where sex is reduced to an ugly transaction. This is simply the worst.

Ghosts Can't Do It (1989)

BOMB (out of 4)

Director-writer John Derek and wife Bo made a total of four films together starting with FANTASIES and then moving onto TARZAN THE APE MAN and BOLERO. All three movies were pretty bad but nothing in them was bad enough to prepare for you how downright awful their fourth and final film was. In the film, Bo plays a young woman married to a much older man (Anthony Quinn) who ends up killing himself. The old man's spirit sticks around to have conversations with his woman and soon the two of them decide it's best for his spirit to enter a younger man so that they can have sex again. GHOSTS CAN'T DO IT is without question one of the worst films I've ever seen and especially one of the worst romances I've seen. I really would have loved to have been a fly on the wall whenever the Derek's were discussing the films that they should make. There's no question that John loved his wife and was proud of her body and thankfully he wasn't a prude about showing it off. Bo has always been an amazingly beautiful woman and that's true here as she has several scenes where she's totally naked. Without this cheap nudity the film would be completely horrible so at least John was smart enough to add nude scenes but this could be said for all four of their films. As for acting, I've never quite found Bo to be as bad as many others but there's still no question she doesn't give that much of a performance here. Quinn basically stands around behind some filter meant to make him look like his in another world. His performance is pretty campy and over-the-top. Vets Don Murray and Julie Newmar also appear but add very little. Again, I'm really not sure what John Derek was trying to do here unless he was really preparing his wife for his own death since he was much older. Perhaps this was just some sort of perverted fantasy that he had about dying himself. I'm not sure what the goal was but the end result is just a complete disaster that's certainly not romantic, never funny and just a real painful experience to try and make it through.