Picasso Trigger

Dona Speir confessed in an interview (DVD bonus) she didn't understand the movie after reading the script and she figured it out only after she watched the final product 4 times. She isn't the only one, I suppose. I blame this confusion on the villain who keeps hidden most of the time so you wonder who's actually fighting whom and why. The killers' messages are quite poetic: "The ones with the flower have been scattered this hour", one writes to notify the others that his job his done. "I've got a black belt in shotgun", another lady says after she shot a kung fu fighter. The Dutch DVD I've got uses the tagline "Moorden is een vorm van kunst" ("Killing is an art form", I think it translates) - and these cynical tidbits just to demonstrate "Picasso Trigger" is somewhat more violent (and with less nudity) than other movies of the Lethal Ladies series. I loved the exploding boomerang as a weapon or when 1 of the heroes fires about 20 times at 1 bad guy and misses him every time. Playboy's Roberta Vasquez in her first appearance for Andy Sidaris slips into a pair of ripped jeans, showing beautiful legs, beautiful dark eyes, beautiful... everything! Note: this is the 3rd out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order.

Picasso Trigger, the third film in Andy Sidaris's Malibu Express series, is par for the course in terms of nudity and violence, with the obligatory big breasted babes disrobing at regular intervals to get fruity with the musclebound hunks, and lots of baddies being shot, blown up, or impaled. Luckily, this one proves to be slightly more entertaining than the last entry (Hard Ticket to Hawaii) thanks to Sidaris adopting a more deliberate Bond-style approach, one that comes complete with an international villain and silly gadgets (designed by 'Q'-alike boffin, The Professor) to go with the usual array of chase scenes, explosions and exotic locations.

The plot (yes, there is a plot!) sees government agents Travis Abilene (Steve Bond), Jade (Harold Diamond), Donna (Dona Spier), Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton) and Edy (Cynthia Brimhall) joined by Paris operative Pantera (Roberta Vasquez) to bring to justice the gang who have been bumping off their colleagues. However, everything is not as it first seems, with Travis and Co. eventually discovering that they have been set up by bad guy Salazar AKA Picasso Trigger (John Aprea) to help him eliminate his competition.

Picasso Trigger is no means a great film—Sidaris's direction still leaves a lot to be desired, the action scenes being far less thrilling than they are unintentionally amusing—but with plenty of sexy Playboy-standard babes getting naked, crap martial arts, a pointless sub-plot about snuff movies, crazy gimmicks such as an exploding boomerang (which would surely come back and blow YOU up?!?) and a rocket-launching crutch (programmed by pocket calculator), blatant product placement (even the local Hovercraft Hire company gets in on the action), and VERY LARGE CAPTIONS to let us know what day of the week it is, this is worth a go when you don't want to have to think very hard.

Once again, this Sidaris film seems to have everything: a fit and quite believable as an agent Dona Speir, an incredibly adorable Hope Marie Carlton (on a scale of 1 to 10, her smile is a 12), a gorgeous Roberta Vasquez, international locations (Paris, Las Vegas, Texas, Hawaii, etc.), LOTS of explosions, outrageous gadgets, etc. The mix should have been explosively hot, but sadly it's only lukewarm. The execution of the formula is mechanical, as if Sidaris was simply ticking off action scenes from a list. There are very few funny lines (the best belongs to Speir: when she's accused of being jealous, she says "there is not a jealous bone in my body - check it out for yourself", and she disrobes!) and the one fight scene, involving Harold Diamond, is terrible. But to end this comment on a positive note, John Aprea gives a slick performance as the arch-villain of the story. (**)

Let's just cut to the chase straight away here and say upfront that the only sane reason to watch an Andy Sidaris film is to see beautiful playmates get naked and shoot guns. What other reason is there? This one has a convoluted plot-line that I quite honestly can't be bothered to describe. What I will say is that the story is not exactly its strong point. Needless to say, as per Sidaris other films, there are a lot of explosions and a lot of feeble gadgets. But the action scenes are so lacklustre that you will be hard pressed to care. Honestly, when you consider the awesome bevy of beautiful babes that Sidaris improbably had at his disposal, you can't help but wish the films had a little more imagination or life about them.

This one is neither one of his best, nor is it one of his worst but it's pretty much essentially the same as all of them. The only true differentiating factor that I can ever discern is which ladies do we have and is there a lot of nudity? All other aspects merge into one as far as his filmography is concerned. This one's chief selling point is Dona Speir, who is very nice indeed. And, yes, she strips off a few times, along with several of her other female co-stars. So, consequently, the film does have some entertainment value. Other than that, it has quite a good title.

Andy Sidaris follows his usual formula with this mix of action, gorgeous scenery, and even more gorgeous women. The story deals with the title character, an international criminal played by handsome John Aprea. He's gunned down outside an art gallery by the goons of a crazed associate, Miguel Ortiz (Rodrigo Obregon). Then a team of government operatives, including Travis Abilene (amiable hunk Steve Bond), Donna (the delectable Dona Speir), and Taryn (lovely Hope Marie Carlton) spend their time trying to eliminate Ortiz and his henchmen.

"Picasso Trigger" is fun, at least to a degree. It's never inspired, but it's reasonably rousing at times and even if the viewer is otherwise bored, they'll hopefully be preoccupied with ogling the female cast members. Naturally, they show off the goods when they get a chance. The acting is basically good enough for this sort of thing. The standout is veteran Aprea, who's a real smooth type. The gadgets designed by "Q" type character The Professor (Richard LePore) are cute, especially that killer crutch.

The material is played with a degree of humour, with some choice bits of dialogue here and there. Things get a little annoying in the final minutes, with one "ending" after another, but the movie is overall a good little diversion.

Six out of 10.