Cruel Jaws

With Cruel Jaws, director Bruno Mattei not only takes the Michael with his cheeky 'Jaws V' alternative title, but also borrows liberally from Steven Spielberg's 1975 killer shark classic in terms of plot, padding his film out with footage from other Jaws rip-offs. Mattei's movie takes place in Hampton Bay, where a tiger shark (trained by the navy to attack!) is chowing down on those who venture into the water. Needless to say, the local sheriff wants to close the beaches and postpone the town's regatta, but influential businessman Sam Lewis (George Barnes Jr.) insists that the show must go on, his decision resulting in an all-you-can-eat buffet for the hungry fish.

Bruno Mattei's trademark inept direction, a lousy script, terrible action and zero excitement make this bottom-of-the-barrel-scraping movie-making at its most awful, which does, of course, qualify it as essential viewing for fans of really bad rip-offs (you know who you are). Frequent scenes of extreme tedium are thankfully interspersed with unintentional laughs, just about making the film worth the effort if you absolutely must see every bad shark movie ever made.

Guaranteed to raise a few chuckles are aquarium owner Dag, who looks like he's been taking style tips from Hulk Hogan, his wheelchair-bound daughter who is not only disabled but rather stupid as well (some of the things she says are priceless), and a scene in which a helicopter is pulled into the sea by the shark, which is hanging from the chopper's winch. Viewers might also be amused by the music, which sounds suspiciously like the Star Wars theme at times, and, during the regatta sailboard race, is almost identical to The Race by Swiss electronic duo Yello.

Those looking for a little gore to help pass the time will most likely be disappointed - all we get is a mouldy mangled corpse and some blood in the water - but Mattei compensates somewhat by chucking in lots of hotties in bikinis (although, rather surprisingly for a Mattei movie, there is no nudity).

Cruel Jaws (1995)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Italian director Bruno Mattai is probably known for being the biggest hack of the past thirty years. He made a name for himself by creating some really strange horror films that borrowed music scores, scenes and direct dialogue from whatever movie he was ripping. His most famous film, Hell of the Living Dead was a rip of Romero's Dawn of the Dead and with this film he goes after Jaws. A tiger shark, created by the Navy to kill our enemies, is loose in the ocean and killing everyone. The (sound familiar) nice sheriff wants to close the beaches but the Mayor doesn't want to lose the summer money. People get eaten. I've seen quite a few Italian rips of the Spielberg film and this one here is one of the best actually but there's also the classic Mattai moments where he rips off scenes and dialogue. All four Jaws films have scenes and dialogue redone here and I even noticed some dialogue from Porky's. The attack scenes are done very well even though it's obvious that the shark isn't real. The film drags on a bit too long at 97 minutes but if you don't mind cheese then you might enjoy this.

Ok, first let me say that this movie stole from Jaws in pretty much every way possible. The plot is exactly the same as Jaws from the beginning up to the point where they go searching for the shark. No really, it's literally the same: as shark attack happens, the sheriff wants to close the beach, the mayor convinces him not to because it was just a boating accident and they need the summer tourist money, another attack happens, this time involving one of the main character's kids, they catch a shark but it's not the same shark (straight down to the shark expert saying how the bite radius doesn't match the victims and they need to cut it open to know for sure, but the mayor won't allow it because it's not the time or place), to another attack happening and then everyone goes after the shark (though they do try and force in these ridiculous subplots). They literally took dialogue from the script for Jaws and just reworded it, but it's exactly the same. Hell, there's even a moment where they try to catch the shark from a helicopter, and someone says "We're going to need a bigger helicopter." Even after that, they still copy the scenes, even blowing up the shark. Now, if this was a parody/spoof that would be one thing, but the movie plays it off as serious.

But we're not done with the copying yet. There are literally over a dozen scenes in the movie (I stopped counting after that many), where the footage of the shark is literally straight out of Jaws and Jaws 2. No, seriously, they took scenes from Jaws, and zoomed in a bit, but they are the actual scenes. And then other scenes of the shark feeding are actual stock footage of sharks being fed, like they just took some shots out of Shark Week and stuck them in the movie.

Oh, but we're still not done with the stealing yet. Even the music is stolen. They stole the Jaws theme and gave it a remix. You can so obviously tell that it's still the Jaws theme music (the first 10 seconds of the music weren't even remixed at all, it's the actual Jaws score). But not just Jaws, they also, for some reason, used the Star Wars theme. No, really, they took the theme for Star Wars, did nothing with the first 20 seconds of the score, and then remixed the rest, but even the remixed portion is still recognizable as Star Wars, but the first 20 seconds are the exact score of Star Wars.

And if all this copyright infringement and theft wasn't enough, the movie is absolutely horrible and boring. The scenes with the shark are boring and lame, the acting is atrocious, and none of the characters are likable or believable. Even the scenes with the shark attacks are a joke. It's just people splashing around and screaming, and then they just obviously submerge themselves, and there's not even any blood. Oh, and what more, they keep saying that the shark is a tiger shark, but it's very obviously a Great White they used. The movie is 97 minutes, but it's so dull and boring that it feels twice as long.

So seriously, how did this movie get made, and how were the people who made it not sued for copyright infringement? The plot is so identical to Jaws that it's like a horrible remake, and they have literal stolen scenes and music from Star Wars and Jaws in it. Do yourself a favor and skip this boring trash, unless you want to laugh at the stupidity of it.

Am I almost unique? I had the sheer joy of seeing Cruel Jaws in a cinema, when it was shown in the 95 or 96 Cannes film market, not the Film Festival you understand, but the commerical side of it you don't need a tux for. I was buying movies for a video label at the time. Oh, what sheer joy! I too was shocked at the line about the helicopter, but was more amazed at the huge chunks of Enzo Castellari's superb Great White chopped up and dropped into Mattai's pic. It was definetly made on 35mm widescreen for theatrical release. It isn't a TV movie. Just didn't seem to play cinemas anywhere. The funniest thing to me was the hero, Richard Dew, who is an absolute clone of Hulk Hogan, even down to the moustache, beanie hat and vest. But he's the smallest man in the cast by at least three or four inches, looking up to everybody else! The effect of this is hilarious, making you think you are watching 'Hulk Hogan Goes To The Land Of The Giants'. I loved it, and Mattei is a genius. We didn't buy it for the video label though, we'd have lost a fortune! And for sheer brass neck how dare they credit Peter Benchley! Obviously his lawyers haven't seen it. If you can find it, do watch it, journeyman filmmaking unhampered by budget, originality or talent! MC.

A rogue tiger shark proceeds to dine on all the chump humans who enter its watery domain off the coast of Florida. Various concerned citizens take it upon themselves to rid the locale of the finned predator. Among our characters: an aquarium owner (Richard Dew, an obvious Hulk Hogan impersonator), an angry Sheriff (David Luther), a young shark expert (Gregg Hood), and a stereotypically greedy, sleazy land developer (George Barnes Jr.).

Complete with a dopey script, *hilariously* ridiculous lines (characters keep threatening to tear each others' manhood off), inane characters & performances, and gloriously awful shark effects (the fish here makes Bruce look good, even on his worst day), "Cruel Jaws" is one of the kings of truly bad shark cinema. What's more, this is a Bruno Mattei joint, and the late Italian schlock filmmaker never met a plot he couldn't rip off. Here he and the writers scrupulously copy (if not outright steal) characters, plots, and scenes straight from not only Hollywoods' "Jaws" franchise, but from Joe D'Amato's "Deep Blood" and Enzo G. Castellari's "The Last Shark" as well. If you are like this viewer and are intimately familiar with the "Jaws" franchise, you'll recognize the stolen shots when you see them, as brief as they are. The result is a priceless, ludicrous stew of shark movie absurdities. Even the score is imitative: sometimes emulating John Williams' classic "Jaws" theme, it even goes so far as to sound like his main "Star Wars" theme at points!

Cast with an assortment of non-union locals, the movie has definite amusements, especially Mr. Dew, who's required to give pep talks and educate locals on shark "facts". The young cast may be insipid in terms of any actual acting ability, but they're certainly attractive. Mattei and company even throw a wheelchair-bound child (Kirsten Urso) into the mix. And hey, the dolphins and that seal are of course cute. The seal is involved in two gags involving the sleazy antagonist.

Worth noting is that this flick actually incorporates the idea of the antagonist being involved with the mob, an element dropped from the original Peter Benchley novel for the classic 1974 Hollywood blockbuster, and approximates scenes from the novel such as a family of jerks who show up at the beach, hoping to see the shark, who annoy the Sheriff.

Good fun for people who can't get enough of cheesy shark cinema.

Five out of 10.