Enemy Gold

This movie is in a league of its own. Caught this on Beer Goggle Vision on Spike TV at 2am, and it reaches the final frontier of B rated (C rated) movies.

The conversion between the producers of the movie must have went something like this.

Exec 1: "Hey, so we got these two playboy chicks, maybe we should make a movie with them"

Exec 2: "Ok, but we will need a plausible story line that will work with their gigantic breasts, and lack of acting ability"

Exec 1: "True, I've got just the thing. Let's stick in Bruce Penhall and Mark Berrier into the movie. Next to them Suzi Simpson will look like Elizabeth Taylor."

Exec 2: "Fantastic, but whats the plot"

Exec 1: "Lets go with the usual. Special agents fighting a drug lord. They find some diary, and look for gold"

Exec 2: "Brilliant!"

Exec 1: "We can call it Enemy Gold"

Exec 2: "I like it! Also, we can get the one of the A Team directors to helm the film"

Exec 1: "Okay, lets start shooting tomorrow. I want this in theatres next month"

So yeh, that sums it up. If you need a good laugh, grab some smokes, some beer and some friends and you got the night made.

This is the 9th out of my 12 reviews for the works of Andy Sidaris, in chronological order. For the first time, he only produced the movie, but left the director's job to his son Drew, who had regularly been director's assistant before. Renting a video cassette of „Enemy Gold" was my start into the world of „bullets, bombs and babes" many years ago and it still is a pleasure to revisit!

The story is simple: Three agents discover a bunch of drug smugglers, kill a few and put the rest in jail. The big boss is not amused and sends a killer to eliminate the agents. The interesting twist is that the agents are treasure hunting on their „day off": they find a map that leads to lost gold from the civil war. The historical flashbacks make the movie a bit more interesting, because the rest is quite predictable. Fortunately, we have familiar faces with Mark Barriere and Bruce Penhall who play the good guys, plus Julie Strain as Jewel Panther (sic!), the killer. Debutante Suzi Simpson plays an agent by the equally unlikely name of Becky Midnite, and Suzi follows the footsteps of Dona Speir quite well for a first try. Remember, Dona appeared in no less than 7 of Sidaris' movies before and seemed impossible to replace! Alan Abelew deserves mentioning; he plays Dickson, a man you love to hate. If you ever worked for a boss like that, you know what I mean. „Enemy Gold" has a simple instrumental rock guitar soundtrack, a bit different from the style of most predecessors. Don't miss the documentary „Let's make a Sidaris movie" (bonus on the American DVD), because it explains how the members of the whole family worked together to make a movie - not an ordinary film team.

You know, it takes a big man to do a good job at a hard task. But it takes an even bigger man to admit he what he cannot do, and then strive to do what he does best. That is Andy Sidaris in a nutshell. True, while he'll never be the next Steven Speilberg, he is truly a master at the task which is presented to him: B-movies. I have only seen three of his films and can tell this already. Enemy Gold is one of them. This film is a slap in the face to those who say that the exploitation of Sex, violence, and rock-&-roll are wrong, and then rubs the slap down with a little ice. What I'm trying to say is, that this movie, while not entirely wholesome, is still a good movie, no matter how you slice it. The enormous juggs are just a way of keeping peoples attention.

'Enemy Gold' is the first sequel Andy Sidaris's son took over directing duties, but it follows formula. Low level action, simple plot and requisite female nudity. Established faces Bruce Penhall, Mark Barriere, Rodrigo Obregon & Julie Strain return as existing or new characters. While Suzi Simpson - a former Playmate - makes her debut & only appearance.

Agents Cannon (Penhall), Austin (Barriere) & Becky Midnite (Simpson) bust a drug op angering Bolivian dealer Santiago (Obregon). Suspended by an annoying superior, their boss Ava Noble (Tai Collins) tries to sort things out. In their downtime, they search for some fabled lost Civil War gold while Santiago brings in hired killer Jewel Panther (Strain) to take them out and a betrayal is revealed.

I understand the series charm, but I don't consider myself a fan. This entry is a perfect example as to why. 'The Dallas Connection' was one of the first T&A movies I saw and although it gave me an appreciation for both Julie Strain and Julie K. Smith, I didn't think much of the action or story. What's on display here feels ten times lower. The best thing is Obregon chewing up the scenery, spouting bad guy b-movie dialog.

Supplying the parts anyone really cares about - Suzi hops in the shower twice (first within 10 mins) and supplies one sex scene (33 mins in). Tai reveals the goods in a sauna / shower combo (21 mins in) and has sex near the end. Two strippers & bad guy have a brief shower three-way. Leaving Julie to strut her stuff in a bikini & go topless near a campfire wielding a sword in the latter half.

'Enemy Gold' isn't the series high point, but still feels like a Sidaris flick. The action is nothing to write home about per usual. Lacking from this entry is some cheesy allure and more abundance of boobs. Could have used more humor too, but it's not like they were shooting for the moon here. Die hard fans will be satisfied though.

This film essentially begins during the American Civil War with a couple of Confederate soldiers stealing some gold that was being transported by the Union Army. One of them is wounded and dies trying to escape enemy patrols while the other is killed by Indians somewhere in East Texas. Before he dies, however, he manages to write about the stolen gold in his journal and subsequently buries it as well. The scene then shifts to the present day with two federal agents named "Chris Cannon" (Bruce Penhall) and "Mark Austin" (Mark Barriere) planning to conduct a raid on a Bolivian drug lord by the name of "Santiago" (Rodrigo Obregon). Just prior to that, they are joined by a female agent named "Becky Midnight" (Suzi Simpson) who has only recently graduated from training. In spite of that, she performs her duties quite well and the drug raid is a tremendous success. What none of them realize, however, is that Santiago has certain resources at his disposal and he is not somebody who can tolerate any interference in his illegal business enterprises. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this film had a certain amount of potential but it was undermined to a great degree by a poor script and extremely weak acting. Admittedly, these weaknesses were mitigated somewhat by having three attractive actresses like Tanquil Lisa Collins (as "Ava Noble") along with the aforementioned Suzi Simpson and Julie Strain to enhance the scenery. But even then, it just wasn't quite enough and I have rated this movie accordingly. Slightly below average.