Hard Ticket to Hawaii

There's a place in the world for just about every kind of film. You have your Oscar baiting serious fare on one end, and then you have stuff like the Andy Sidaris oeuvre. The man played his own particular formula for everything that it was worth: combine gorgeous Playboy Playmates with James Bond type action scenarios and breathtaking scenery. The Hawaii setting is a wonderful backdrop indeed for these cheerfully sleazy and silly shenanigans. The story (if anybody does care) involves two extremely comely female special agents, Donna (Dona Speir) and Taryn (Hope Marie Carlton), who intercept a shipment of diamonds intended for a crime lord, Seth (Rodrigo Obregon). Oh, did I mention the cross dressing spy, or the hilariously phony looking deadly snake? They get worked into this mix, creating results that if not really inspired do make for generally agreeable entertainment. There's a knowingly cheesy approach to the whole thing, and Sidaris takes the time to promote himself as his work is advertised with use of posters from his previous films; he also does a cameo as a TV director. The film has genuinely amusing and entertaining characters, from smooth agent Rowdy Abilene (Ronn Moss), cousin of the Cody Abilene character from "Malibu Express", to his goofy pal Jade (Harold Diamond) to nefarious criminal kingpin Mr. Chang (Peter Bromilow). Of course, this is basically a vehicle for the charms of Ms. Speir and Ms. Carlton, and even if they're not overwhelmingly blessed in the acting department, that hardly matters. The voyeur in many of us will appreciate Sidaris taking each and every opportunity to have our sexy female cast members bare their breasts. There's also a fair bit of stuff blowing up real good to help keep this from ever getting dull. Overall, this is a good 'n' bouncy diversion worth a look for lovers of trashy B cinema. Seven out of 10.

Just finished this gem. It aspired to be a Bond film and achieved everything it wanted to. Beyond the incredible T&A, murder frisbee, and lines of cunnilingus, it was just entertaining . I loved this film. 10/10 would recommend. bravo.

One of the worst movies ever made, gets so ridiculous i didn´t stop laughing all the way through it. If you have a sense of humor, and some time to waste, check it out, it could be an experience you won´t forget.

This non-fiction masterpiece retells the riveting true story of two beautiful government super-agents, their pet snake & a diabolical criminal plot, the implications of which will surely send chills down your spine.

The safety of the free world is at stake as the evil Dr. Chang and his wily henchmen plot to flood the Hawaiian economy with drugs and diamonds. Only Donna & Taryn, two of the greatest agents this government has ever known, stand in the way. Armed only with nunchuks and throwing stars and with the help of their little reptile friend and his venom, specially engineered toxins derived from the diseased blood of cancerous rats, the two foxy ladies and the two secret super studs, Rowdie and Jade, embark upon their dangerous mission.

Will our heroes be able to stop these nefarious villains and save the world? Only through hot tub strategy sessions and with the help of Rowdie & Jade's "Trunk of Toys" will our heroes prevail.

If you liked The Remains Of The Day, Terms Of Endearment, or Steel Magnolias... avoid this movie at all costs.

How do you begin to describe a movie with gratuitous nudity, bad acting, an implausible plot, 2-dimensional characters, and bad fight scenes? How do you describe the necessity for a mutant snake, an inflatable doll, skateboarding henchmen and razor-bladed frisbees in the same movie? Ofcourse, I COULD mention some of the greatest lines of our generation like,"Life is a bitch and then you die." Or maybe,"Just when you thought it was safe to take a pee." (I can't make that up.)

Why would I bother telling you that I searched for years to find this movie on DVD to watch over and over and over again? I dare not watch another movie in this series for fear of besmearching the good name of this gem. Please, please, please, if have the opportunity, watch it at least once.

This movie is like how Richard Gere describes the opera in Pretty Woman. Those that love it, will love it forever, and those that don't will learn to appreciate it, but it will never become a part of their soul.

Enjoi filmphiles

P.S. I take no blame for mental trauma suffered from watching this film.