Enemy Gold

Having worked as Second Unit Director on a fair few of his father's trashy T&A action films, Drew Sidaris finally gets a crack at writing and directing his own feature, Enemy Gold, which sees a trio of government agents suspended from work by a corrupt official, discovering a stolen horde of Civil War gold while on vacation, and fighting for their lives against a vengeful Colombian drug-lord and his cohorts.

Sidaris Jr. starts afresh with new characters, a (mostly) new cast and a change of location, but doesn't exactly break new ground, using the 'hot women, guns and explosions' formula that has proved so successful for his old man; but despite his best efforts at emulating dear dad's style, Drew clearly hasn't been paying enough attention to the finer details...

Unforgivably, it is a whole 10 minutes before he gets any of his ladies naked (Andy would never have allowed that); 20 minutes have gone by before there is a gratuitous hot-tub scene; and the film is almost over by the time we get the movie's sole soft-core sex scene. Worse still, Drew offers no radio-controlled scale model action, no comedy hit-men, and no squib-tastic bullet hits.

Kudos to Drew for casting Playboy playmates Suzi Simpson and Tanquil Lisa Collins, both of whom are stunning, and also for having Julie Strain (as assassin Jewel Panther) wave a sword around by firelight, wearing nothing but a few leather straps, but pretty much everything else about this film fails to entertain, making it one of the weakest films in my Girls, Guns and G-Strings box set (so far).

This film essentially begins during the American Civil War with a couple of Confederate soldiers stealing some gold that was being transported by the Union Army. One of them is wounded and dies trying to escape enemy patrols while the other is killed by Indians somewhere in East Texas. Before he dies, however, he manages to write about the stolen gold in his journal and subsequently buries it as well. The scene then shifts to the present day with two federal agents named "Chris Cannon" (Bruce Penhall) and "Mark Austin" (Mark Barriere) planning to conduct a raid on a Bolivian drug lord by the name of "Santiago" (Rodrigo Obregon). Just prior to that, they are joined by a female agent named "Becky Midnight" (Suzi Simpson) who has only recently graduated from training. In spite of that, she performs her duties quite well and the drug raid is a tremendous success. What none of them realize, however, is that Santiago has certain resources at his disposal and he is not somebody who can tolerate any interference in his illegal business enterprises. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this film had a certain amount of potential but it was undermined to a great degree by a poor script and extremely weak acting. Admittedly, these weaknesses were mitigated somewhat by having three attractive actresses like Tanquil Lisa Collins (as "Ava Noble") along with the aforementioned Suzi Simpson and Julie Strain to enhance the scenery. But even then, it just wasn't quite enough and I have rated this movie accordingly. Slightly below average.

Another cheap and silly thriller from the Andy Sidaris stable, this one actually made by his son. Julie Strain, the pneumatic scream queen of the 1990s, co-stars. The story is about the usual wooden good guy agents battling criminals and at the same time uncovering a cache of civil war gold, leading to more action. The only emphasis is on pin up models wearing very little, and it's all rather silly, although fairly well shot for its budget.

'Enemy Gold' is the first sequel Andy Sidaris's son took over directing duties, but it follows formula. Low level action, simple plot and requisite female nudity. Established faces Bruce Penhall, Mark Barriere, Rodrigo Obregon & Julie Strain return as existing or new characters. While Suzi Simpson - a former Playmate - makes her debut & only appearance.

Agents Cannon (Penhall), Austin (Barriere) & Becky Midnite (Simpson) bust a drug op angering Bolivian dealer Santiago (Obregon). Suspended by an annoying superior, their boss Ava Noble (Tai Collins) tries to sort things out. In their downtime, they search for some fabled lost Civil War gold while Santiago brings in hired killer Jewel Panther (Strain) to take them out and a betrayal is revealed.

I understand the series charm, but I don't consider myself a fan. This entry is a perfect example as to why. 'The Dallas Connection' was one of the first T&A movies I saw and although it gave me an appreciation for both Julie Strain and Julie K. Smith, I didn't think much of the action or story. What's on display here feels ten times lower. The best thing is Obregon chewing up the scenery, spouting bad guy b-movie dialog.

Supplying the parts anyone really cares about - Suzi hops in the shower twice (first within 10 mins) and supplies one sex scene (33 mins in). Tai reveals the goods in a sauna / shower combo (21 mins in) and has sex near the end. Two strippers & bad guy have a brief shower three-way. Leaving Julie to strut her stuff in a bikini & go topless near a campfire wielding a sword in the latter half.

'Enemy Gold' isn't the series high point, but still feels like a Sidaris flick. The action is nothing to write home about per usual. Lacking from this entry is some cheesy allure and more abundance of boobs. Could have used more humor too, but it's not like they were shooting for the moon here. Die hard fans will be satisfied though.

This movie is in a league of its own. Caught this on Beer Goggle Vision on Spike TV at 2am, and it reaches the final frontier of B rated (C rated) movies.

The conversion between the producers of the movie must have went something like this.

Exec 1: "Hey, so we got these two playboy chicks, maybe we should make a movie with them"

Exec 2: "Ok, but we will need a plausible story line that will work with their gigantic breasts, and lack of acting ability"

Exec 1: "True, I've got just the thing. Let's stick in Bruce Penhall and Mark Berrier into the movie. Next to them Suzi Simpson will look like Elizabeth Taylor."

Exec 2: "Fantastic, but whats the plot"

Exec 1: "Lets go with the usual. Special agents fighting a drug lord. They find some diary, and look for gold"

Exec 2: "Brilliant!"

Exec 1: "We can call it Enemy Gold"

Exec 2: "I like it! Also, we can get the one of the A Team directors to helm the film"

Exec 1: "Okay, lets start shooting tomorrow. I want this in theatres next month"

So yeh, that sums it up. If you need a good laugh, grab some smokes, some beer and some friends and you got the night made.