Arachnoquake

Arachnoquake (2012)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

The latest film to debut on the SyFy channel has New Orleans being hit by an earthquake, which causes the ground to crack open and soon large, pink spiders are attacking people. Those expecting a fun monster mash are going to be disappointed because this film is pretty bad from the word go and it never picks up any speed. You know, I understand that horror films need dumb characters to do dumb things but there's a certain line you shouldn't cross in terms of dumbness and this film crosses that line and makes it's own new line. I really couldn't believe how stupid all of these characters were. So, you see a giant pink spider coming at you so what do you do? Well, of course, you pick it up. There are six or seven small spiders about the size of a baseball card coming after you so what do you do? Step on them? You'd think so but the characters here just jump around like little children. The entire film pretty much doesn't have an ounce of brains going for it and this doesn't cause any "fun" but instead it makes you grow more and more aggravated because the characters just become annoying. Tracey Gold gives a decent performance here and it's a shame her character wasn't a lead. Edward Furlong from T2 fame is on hand here playing the father (!?!?) of two teenagers. He really doesn't give a "good" performance but it was fun seeing him again. ARACHNOQUAKE is pure dumbness from start to finish but there are a few good moments with most of them being the bubble, explosion and gore that happens when a spider starts to come out of a human body. It's a shame that the director and writer didn't exploit this a little bit more and given fans more bang for their buck. The CGI effects are obviously very cheap but I thought the design of the spiders were nice. Still, this is certainly a film that can be skipped as there are much better killer spider movies out there.

Much like a 10 car pile up on the highway - I felt compelled to watch this movie to the very end... I feel terrible for all the people who actually watched the whole movie. When I arrived home and it was on and then I saw Edward Furlong so I thought I'd give it a chance. I have absolutely no problem with low budget productions - I get that sometimes the funding for someone's dream or vision just isn't available. The acting, storyline and the 'CGI' was so bad that I actually took the time to register on IMDb to leave a review. What pleases me about watching this movie is that I'm now registered on IMDb and can leave reviews for movies truly worth my time. The end.

Another entry in the trash of SyFy flicks. I only gave it a shot because Edward Furlong was in it, you know, the young dude from Terminator 2 (1991). From the beginning the spiders are on-screen and that was rather okay because the action came in from the beginning. But on the other hand it looked ridiculous due the CGI used.

In the beginning the spiders are rather small and believable but once they are throwing fire (CGI) towards humans it becomes laughable. After that the spiders become bigger and bigger and it all ends with a King Kong situation.

The story if there was any was stupid and the acting wasn't convincing at all. If you pop up a beer with friends then you will laugh a lot but further this doesn't give us anything at all.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

Arachnoquake is good for a SyFy movie but that's not saying much. The acting is atrocious by all and Edward Furlong was probably the worst, the storyline is nonexistent, and the spiders look like they were designed and created by a 6 year old.

It receives 3 stars because a couple of lines and moments gave me a good laugh (I don't know if it was intended or not) and the sister was super sexy so she gave me something to look at when the other actors were spewing out one garbage line after another.

After saying all that, Arachnoquake is still one of the better SyFy movies I've seen recently which is saying something for how awful these movies can be.

Flipped the stations, came across this title and decided to cheaply entertain myself. I used to watch movies like this all the time just for the hell of it (though once in a rare while, there's a gem in all the rubble).

When I looked at who was in this movie - Tracey Gold, Ethan Phillips, and Edward Furlong among others - I already knew this was going to be one of THOSE movies. It was more out of seeing what Furlong was doing and what the spiders looked like more than anything that kept me tuned in. The spiders are as atrocious as any bad movie "monster". Even in 2012 and on TV, this was seriously poor.

Furlong looked bad as anyone would suspect. His acting (which to me was never all that great to begin with) was terrible and he was seriously miscast.

I made it halfway through and decided to just watch the rest, knowing full well this will be the last time I watch this garbage movie. Predictable and nothing greatly original, but if you enjoy bad movies like this, by all means - but this is pretty much as bad as it gets.