Hatchet

I went to see this film in part due to praise heaped on it by previous reviewers who had described it as clever and a fresh addition to the genre.

And it was .. for at least the first ~45 minutes or so.

I was immediately drawn in, the dialogue was notably above par for the genre, full of witty quips and more subtle bits of humor that reference horror classics. In the opening scenes we see notable cameos from Robert Englund ("Nightmare On Elm Street" series) and Tony Todd (of "Candyman" series fame). A respectable flashback sequence is included to introduce the "Hatchet" back story.

And so the movie takes off running, seemingly quite well. Fresh and unique, forging a new path through the wastleland of redundant slasher flicks as "Sean of the Dead" and "Scream" had done in previous years.

Unfortunately about half way through, this movie does a complete about-face. The witty banter is replaced with idiotic dribble more reminiscent of "I Know What You Did Last Summer" than the first half of the film. It's almost as if they fired an adept writer halfway through the script and replaced him with the proverbial thousand monkeys on a thousand typewriters.

At this point the dam breaks, and the tired clichés pour through in droves. We are treated to a prolonged scene of foliage inspection and other such nonsense to fill the reel between death scenes. The characters repeatedly wait to flee screaming in panic until *after* they have disabled or incapacitated the title baddie. The only dread anticipation built in the second half is whether this film will be the schoolbus that was hit by the train, or the one that managed to avoid it.

Once the gore fest begins, it is eerily reminiscent of early "Troma" titles, over the top and fatuous. The "Hatchet" character even seems like it might have been modeled from the "Toxic Avenger". I can appreciate the merits of a lawn sprinkler arterial spray or projectile vomiting, on occasion, but modern film gore effects really have no excuse to still be of that "BrainDead" visual quality.

Despite the dual personalities of this film, I think it still manages to hack out a few good parts.

• 5/10 -

This review is after I saw a viewing of the uncut/unrated DVD version at the Horror Hound convention in Indianapolis on Nov. 16, 2007.

The movie to me, is pretty much a variation of "The Burning" in my opinion. There are a lot of things similar in the plot department. The basic story is some people want to go on a haunted tour in the New Orleans swamps, and they get their wish along with a story about the spirit of a Victor Crowley who was hideously deformed at birth, and accidentally hit in the head with a hatchet by his Father when their house caught fire, the Father was trying to save him. So the Father has long since died from grief, but old disfigured hatchet in the face Victor is supposed to still be around there in spirit. The boat the people are taking the tour on hits some rocks and starts to sink, so they have to go to land, and that's when they come up on Victor's former house. It's not long until Victor shows up, and he's portrayed by Kane Hodder with some pretty fair makeup. It's slicing and dicing time with plenty of blood and some excellent gore, that I'm afraid people going to see the theatrical version will miss. There's nothing original and all that great about this movie, it's basically just another slasher film with some obvious humor, and excellent gore effects. The main thing myself and what I heard from other people after it was over, is the ending really sucks. I won't say anymore, because I know many out there haven't seen it yet, but this first "Hatchet" almost seems like an introduction to the sequel, which is already in the works. Now get this, "Hatchet" is being released next month on both DVD and in the theaters, and all ready, the sequel is pretty much ready to start. So I guess, Victor is supposed to be the new Jason, Freddy, and Michael, all rolled up into one. All I have to say about that, is bullshit. Don't end a frigging movie like they did, totally setting up a sequel. For that reason, I came away with a rather negative feeling, even though I loved all the blood and gore. I think "Hatchet" is being over-hyped, in fact, WAY over-hyped, and a lot of horror/gore fans are going to be a little let down, especially with the awful ending.

Anyone whose a regular on sites like Ain't It Cool News has no doubt caught the massive hype campaign for Adam Green's Hatchet. Well, to get straight to the point, don't buy into it. Certain people would have you believe that this is the second coming of the horror genre (just like Hostel part II right?). What movie did they see? I saw a very by the book slasher flick with no surprises or real twists on the genre.

The plot concerns a tour group in the NOLA swamps that begin to be picked off one by one by the deformed Victor Crowley (wow what an original name). Crowley looks like the Elephant Man on steroids and of course, possesses super human strength. For a character whose been called the next horror icon, I just can't help but be underwhelmed. The big reveal of the grown up Crowley is so ineptly handled I actually said "that's it?" to myself. He sorta of just strolls onto screen. Movies like The Descent and Feast handled these kinds of reveals so much more memorably.

I'll give credit were credit is due though. The kills in this movie are delightfully over the top and gory. They're definitely the highlight of the movie. But, it's at odds with the acting, which for once is actually pretty good. The actors in this movie for the most part play it straight and do a convincing job. I really liked Joel Moore, who I'm eager to see more of. But it's too real. I know that's an odd complaint but bear with me here. The actors are so convincing in places and seem to behave like real people probably would in this situation, but then Crowley rips someone's arms off or appears, literally, from out of nowhere. This disparity hurts the film in the long run. Either it really should have gone for all out splatstick zaniness, or it should have toned down on the sillier moments and played it more for real scares.

The score isn't doing anyone any favors either. It's the all too typical, crappy sounding MIDI highlighting and underlining every cheap scare with a big sting. I am so sick to death of this type of horror score. If you don't have a budget, forget the MIDI and go for creepy minimalism.

I wish Adam Green the best in his career because there is potential here, but he's still green. Maybe next time Adam.

The tag-line "Old School American Horror" is a little misleading. While it's true that "Hatchet" recalls the mad gore of the 1980s, the "horror" factor is actually absent. Watching the film feels more like viewing a condensed reel of slasher kills with a few drunk and fun-loving friends - certainly not a bad thing, but not exactly a horror movie either. That being said, it's obvious that the people involved in the production have a real love for the genre. Kane Hodder's monster antics are always a delight, and Adam Green will definitely be a name to watch in the future.

In summary, I'd certainly recommend the film for anyone who gets a kick out of the slasher craze of the 80s, but be sure you're in the mood for goofy fun and not an actual horror flick.

Writing a review for Hatchet is almost pointless. Devotees of the horror genre will see this no matter what is written. In fact, a certain rhetorically named fan-boy website that prides itself on cool news has already lauded the movie's villain as the next horror icon. While I wouldn't be too sure about that, Hatchet does make one thing clear at least, and that's that writer/director Adam Green has undeniable talent.

Structured largely as a parody of the Friday the 13th films, Hatchet casts legendary Jason Voorhees stand-in Kane Hodder as Victor Crowley, the deformed son of a backwoods Louisiana bayou fisherman (also played by Hodder), who was presumed killed years earlier in a house fire started by a bunch of tormenting local kids.

Green follows the stock formula for such movies: take a bunch of folks, find an excuse to strand them in monster country, and let the audience revel in watching them get picked off one-by-one.

Where Green excels, however, is in his smartly written, comically-paced script that is chalk full of genuinely funny inside jokes that are blatant winks at the audience and along the way establish more of a bond with Sean of the Dead than Halloween.

In terms of horror movies, there's nothing going on here that is particularly inventive or even scary, but Green clearly isn't out to achieve that. Rather, he's paying homage to a genre that he grew up with, as is clear by the cameos he's given to icons Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street) and Tony Todd (Candyman and numerous others).

Bolstered by good acting, top notch production values, and intentionally rubbery costume effects, Hatchet panders to the fan-boy crowd in glorious revelry. Clearly Green knows his audience likes to sit back, kick the Fangoria magazines off the couch, and watch somebody take a belt sander in their kisser.

While I think labeling Victor Crowley as the next horror icon in the same vein as Jason, Michael Myers, and Freddy is complete preposterousness, saying Adam Green is someone to keep an eye on is a more realistic, and complimentary laurel.