Body Bags

In this early-90s, Tales From The Crypt-style, made-for-TV anthology from masters of horror John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper, creepy morgue attendee The Coroner (played by Carpenter, whose acting is nowhere near as good as his directing) unzips three tales of the macabre…

Tale number one, The Gas Station, is directed by Carpenter, and stars Alex Datcher as Anne, whose first night as a gas station attendant doesn't go quite as planned when she is targeted by a serial killer. Operating well within his comfort zone, Carpenter returns to the same bag of tricks he used years earlier for his seminal blockbuster Halloween, delivering a tense, atmospheric piece that, while not exactly groundbreaking thematically or visually (one shot, in particular, is lifted directly from Halloween), still proves to be a lot of fun. Datcher makes for a likable scream queen, there's quite a bit of enjoyment to be had from guessing which of the station's patrons might be the killer, and we get a few welcome cameos from some well-known horror luminaries.

Hair, Carpenter's second offering, also sees the director visiting familiar territory: a They Live-style story of aliens operating undercover on Earth, it sees desperate, balding, middle-aged man Richard Coberts (Stacy Keach) visiting an experimental hair clinic that guarantees overnight results. Unfortunately for Richard, his new lustrous locks are actually minute parasitic extraterrestrials that intend to feed on his brain!!! With such a patently silly concept, Carpenter has no option but to play this one for laughs, and amazingly, it works, with the balding Keach proving that he has quite the sense of humour. Hair also features decent turns from David Warner as sinister Dr. Lock, Debbie Harry as his kooky nurse, and Sheena Easton as Cobert's sexy girlfriend Megan.

In contrast to the light-hearted nature of Hair, the third and final segment, Eye, is a much darker affair. Directed by Tobe Hooper, it tells of up and coming baseball player Brent Matthews (Mark Hamill), whose career looks to be over when he crashes his car, losing his right eye as a result (a shard of glass piercing the organ). However, thanks to a revolutionary eye-transplant procedure, he regains full vision, but at a cost: his new eyeball causes him to have horrific visions and gradually alters his personality. Yet another scary story to borrow heavily from horror classic The Hands of Orlac, this is extremely derivative stuff, but thanks to solid direction from Hooper, some cool gore, a surprisingly strong central performance from Hamill, and a neat downbeat ending, Eye proves to be a delightfully twisted and thoroughly enjoyable way to wrap up this fun little flick.

This was a pilot episode for a possible series on Showtime. Showtime wanted to spend less money on it, so the idea was aborted and John Carpenter continued to make feature films. All three episodes are packed with guest appearances and cameos by many great actors and horror directors. Performances in all of them are excellent and each episode has a different tone and style. The first is somewhat of a slasher. The second is a bizarre comedy with sci fi elements. Both of those were directed by John Carpenter. The third is the darkest and is directed by Tobe Hooper. Body Bags has a lot of actors that are very talented, but very underrated that normally don't get to do this type of stuff like Robert Carradine and Mark Hamill. Stacy Keach is always excellent as well and does great here. As far as I am concerned the Tales From The Crypt series on HBO is the best anthology horror there is. Body Bags would have made a good series and could have been able to compete with it if it could maintain this sort of quality. John Carpenter is the host of this show and has the right delivery and the right hair to keep up with The Cryptkeeper.

John Carpenter presents "Body Bags", in which it reads true as he plays very-well looking coroner (well he might not be as what he seems) late at night fooling around in a morgue, while spitting out macabre jokes (visual and verbal) and then introducing us to three buoyant little stories. They range from horrific, humorous and simply bizarre with a "Tales from the Crypt" spin to them. In this low-budget TV production Carpenter would direct the first two; "The Gas Station" and "Hair", but the third story "The Eye" would be fronted by director Tobe Hopper. Carpenter and Hooper wouldn't be the only recognizable names, as the cast line-up is rather mouth-watering. You got Stacy Keach, David Warner, Mark Hamill, David Naughton, Robert Carradine, Deborah Harry, Twiggy, George Buck Flower, Charles Napier, John Agar, Roger Corman and a minor cameo from Tom Arnold. Also some horror participants have tiny parts; Sam Ramini, Wes Craven, Tobe Hooper and make-up/special effects maestro Gregory Nicotero.

The first story; "The Gas Station" starring Alex Datcher, Robert Carrdine and David Naughton is probably my favourite of the lot. It's the most straight-forward, but effectively atmospheric (very well photographed with its encroaching angles) and suspenseful, which sees a lady on her first day of the job looking over an isolated gas station late one-night night, where she becomes a target of a satanic serial killer. Quite high-tempo with its grounded cat-and-mouse layout. You really do feel the growing unease displayed by Datcher's character and the tension that unfolds from its eerily forlorn backdrop, but this exercise into familiarity just works. Some fruity characters also helps, and it's not without its parodying humour either to balance it out.

"Hair" the second story, starts off with a natural fear before becoming quite an offbeat and quirky entry which sees Stacy Keach being plagued by the fear of losing his hair. After trying everything to combat it, he seeks treatment from a specialist doctor. It works --- lovely long hair, but at what cost. Keach is a blast in the lead and he shares terrific on-screen chemistry with the likes of Sheena Easton, David Warner and a colourful Debbie Harry. Witty dialogues and a nice sense of wicked cruelty in a revelation that's just plain crazy.

Finally we end off with Hooper's "The Eye". A brooding supernatural tale that has Mark Hamill an up-and coming baseball player in a terrible car accident, where he loses his right eye. However a doctor offers him the chance to get that sight back in an eye transplant but there's no guarantee it will work. However it does, but soon he's plagued by headaches and visions --- dark and disturbing ones. This one takes on a more serious approach compared with the previous outings with an excellently confident Mark Hamill with good support by Twiggy. The story might be predictable, but it's well-paced where the inflicted transformation of our edgy central character is suitably pitched. Some ghastly shocks moments show up too.

Joining it up is the enjoyably warped wrap-around segment with Carpenter (where Rick Baker did the make-up for) and this sees the cameo turns of Hooper and Arnold at the end. The dialogues might be what you most remember, but some of the decors on show in this segment are amusingly executed.

As a whole it's a complete package with the stories perfectly complementing each other. They might not be spectacular, but I liked the three.

Good, fun comic horror anthology opus by Carpenter and co.

Body Bags is a horror anthology film that was intended as a pilot for a Tales from the Crypt knock-off TV series. Thankfully, that series never came to pass. Now it serves as a curiosity for fans of the two big directors attached, John Carpenter and Tobe Hooper. Both Carpenter and Hooper were past their primes by the time this film aired, though Carpenter had substantially more gas left in the tank than Hooper. Body Bags provides further proof of this fact. It features three stories; the first two directed by Carpenter, the last directed by Hooper.

Right from the start, the obvious attempt to mimic Tales from the Crypt is evident as we are greeted by a ghoulish-looking coroner who presents the film's stories. The coroner is played by John Carpenter himself, who tries his cackling best to emulate the Cryptkeeper from Tales. Carpenter's acting here is atrocious and it would come as no surprise to me if the TV execs who watched this pilot turned it off within minutes due to this opening.

"The Gas Station" is about a new attendant (Alex Datcher) on the night shift at a gas station who is stalked by a escaped killer. The second story, "Hair," is about a man (Stacy Keach) obsessed with his thinning hair. So obsessed he is willing to try an experimental treatment. It works too well, however, as his hair won't stop growing. The last story is called "Eye." It's about a baseball player (Mark Hamill) who loses his eye in a car accident. He's given a new eye in an experimental surgery and, you guessed it, the eye belonged to a murderer. And what's this? Now the killer's spirit is taking over his whole body and making him want to kill! This was such an original story....in the 1920s or '30s. The film ends but not before Carpenter does some more schtick as the coroner character, including a bad twist.

The first story is easily the best and has touches of classic Carpenter. The second story is passable despite the lame twist ending that is telegraphed early on. The third story is another derivative Hands of Orlac story. It was done many times before 1993 and at least a few times since. Hooper seems more concerned with shock scenes and gore than building any kind of suspense. Truly a mess. The movie's only merits are in the Carpenter segments. Good score, tense direction, fun cameos from the likes of Wes Craven. The best I can say about the Hooper segment is that Mark Hamill did a decent job. Overall, it's a mixed bag film that gets worse as it goes along.

Three short stories in the horror genre: The first about a serial killer. The second about a hair transplant going wrong. The third about a base ball player who receives a questionable eye transplant.

The sad truth is that giving this film as high a rating as I did really comes down to one thing: the endless supply of guest stars from the horror genre (and beyond). Who can dislike a film with Wes Craven, Sam Raimi, John Carpenter, Tobe Hooper and more? That is incredible.

As for the film itself, it is about average. The acting and directing are fine, and the gore really starts to add up in the third segment. But the script was really nothing special, and I am not shocked that Showtime declined to turn this into a regular series (any given episode of "Masters of Horror" is better).

The disc from Scream Factory makes this average film a little something more, with plenty of insight from Stacy Keach, John Carpenter and producer Sandy King. Horror fans may think the movie is average, but you are bound to learn a few things from the commentary.