Das Horror-Lyzeum

I decided to go to the video shop and hire out a few horror movies i havnt seen,i couldnt see many good ones so i picked this and thought it would suck,but i watched it last night and i was impressed,it started off funny with the ghost,some of the acting was so bad you just had to laugh,alot of the killings are good,didnt like the meat cleaver part but,i recommend this if you want a cheap B-grade movie,i give it 7/10.

This Troma release is bad --- but not in the good way the Toxic Avenger, Tromeo & Juliet, and The Killer Condom were. Instead it is a just mediocre ‘80s slasher meets the co-eds' film. This time 7 students of an all-girl college go to the mansion of a recently deceased millionaire. This fellow has left his valuable art collection to the school and it is up to these brave girls to catalogue it. But these students are not the all-work and no-play type; they fill their evenings with dope-smoking, Bud drinking, boyfriend smuggling, and seances. Unfortunately the benefactors' sorted past eventually makes their stay in the house miserable Scooby-Doo style. The major problem with this movie is over and over again characters make extremely far fetched decisions (even for campy 80s slasher films). My favorite was when the boyfriend decided to check out the local newspaper's back issues because he was curious about the owner. What?? Who does that?? For those who care: the gore and nudity quotient is very low. The one saving aspect of this film is the performance of the Old Nun that accompanies the girls. She achieves a kind of excellence in this film that nearly matches the likes of horror legend Don Barret's work in Slaughterhouse. Skeeter does love his schlocky horror and gives Girls' School Screamers 6 for 10!

Beautiful girls alone in a haunted mansion try raising the spirit of a girl who lived there 40 years ago. Good story filled with average actors. Definitely worth a look.

The wealthy owner of a large country estate leaves his house and its contents to a nearby all-girls Catholic college. Seven of the senior girls accompany one of the Sisters to the house to spend four days there cataloguing all the items. However, the house has a dark, tragic past and is rumoured to be haunted by the ghost of a woman who died there forty years ago in mysterious circumstances. Before long one-by-one the girls start to disappear.

This was a Troma release, but apparently one they picked-up rather than produced. Originally made as a straightforward ghost story called The Portrait, Troma decided to do some reshoots once they acquired it and make it a supernatural slasher. The result is pretty underwhelming; the kills are lacklustre, there's no tension, the performances from everyone are poor, there's zero nudity (c'mon, it's an 80s slasher), and the finale is confusing. An opening scene with a kid who's entered the mansion on a dare encountering the ghost is pretty effective, but it's downhill all the way after that. No surprise that this is the only film John P. Finnegan ever directed. 4/10.

Is there any other film company that has released quite as many stinkers as Troma? Girls School Screamers is yet another woeful offering sent to test the mettle of hardened movie masochists, the movie delivering very little worthy of mention.

The uninspired plot sees seven Catholic School girls sent to a creepy mansion where they are to catalogue the art collection of the late Tyler Welles. Whilst there, the girls hold a seance to contact the spirit of Tyler's niece Jennifer, who died in mysterious circumstances. A not particularly interesting mystery unravels and one-by-one the girls are bumped off by an unseen killer.

Diabolical acting, pedestrian directing, virtually no gore and zero nudity from the girls (T&A is usually a given for a Troma movie) all go to make this an absolute clunker. Oh, and only one of the girls actually screams, to the best of my recollection.