King Kobra

This flick here still unavailable on DVD as I am writing this was made in the heydays of horror. But what this film does is showing us how not to make a horror.

It's hard to believe with a cast like this that this is really a turkey. A snake is supposed to be Satan and terrorises a town. Looks promising but it's so low on everything and really has cheesy effects that I would classify it under a big failure. Bob Claver, the director in fact never made another movie, he was more into series. But the direction I could dig but the storyline and effects were laughable.

In the beginning when the snake attacks on a train you could easily spot the glass partition between the snake and the victim, and it gets funnier when you see the snake hitting the glass. Further on you only see the bitemarks of the snake on swollen faces.

The acting was okay, face it, big names from the genre were in it, Fritz Weaver and Gretchen Corbett of many famous horror flicks. But why most people are hunting the US VHS down is for the performance of the 10 year old Christina Applegate, here in her first role ever. And you will recognize her immediately due her eyes.

Jaws Of Satan is only worth watching for Christina fans or for the lovers of bad horror flicks. maybe some will want to see Gretchen walking around in her nudies but it's clean edited with nothing to see. It doesn't deliver scariness or blood, it's a lot of blah blah and you really must see the cheesy ending.

Gore 0/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 1/5 Story 2/5 Comedy 0/5

JAWS OF SATAN begins on a train carrying dogs for the new dog track, and one snake. What sort of snake? Why, a cobra. What kind of cobra? A devil cobra! We know this because of its powers. Powers, I say! Powers that kill! Kill! Killll! By the time it gets off the train, it's all alone.

Enter Father Tom Farrow (Fritz Weaver). At a party, a psychic named Evelyn Downs (Diana Douglas) is busy "picking up vibes", and knows a lot about Father Farrow's family history. His lineage has made him a prime target for Satan! This means he's doomed!

DOOOMED!!

Enter Dr. Maggie Sheridan (Gretchen Corbett), who's investigating the killer-devil-snake deaths. Of course, there's political tension, due to the opening of the pivotal dog track, so no one wants the bad publicity associated with killer-devil-snake deaths! Dr. Sheridan calls in an expert. More k-d-s deaths occur, causing mayhem.

Indeed, the Evil One has come to town by train, and taken the form of a cobra, in order to kill people. He's also recruiting other snakes to do his bidding. Just like in the bible! Even Dr. Sheridan is attacked, and wails like a banshee-on-fire, causing romance to bloom between her and the snake expert.

The absurdity increases exponentially, as Farrow discovers the terrible truth of his family tree. He must now face off against The Serpent, or the dog track is finished!

Watching adults pretending to take all of this seriously is a joy to behold! Norman Lloyd nearly steals the show, during his heart attack scene! Luckily, he's already at the cemetery! This all leads up to the slithery, slippery, snake-den showdown, complete with organ accompaniment.

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS: Snakes are eeevil tools of Satan, and must be destroyed!

THE IMPORTANT QUESTION REMAINS: "Why doesn't Satan like dog racing?".

My friends, much mirthful fun is contained herein...

Aside from being Christina Applegate's debut, there is really nothing notable about this failed attempt at combining religious hokum with animal life on the attack. Fritz Weaver guts it out and turns in a decent performance as a small town priest whose ancestors are responsible for a curse being brought upon his parish. It seems that hundreds of years prior, his ancestor stamped out a druid cult and now their spirit is reborn in the form of a king cobra! And this king cobra happens to have jumped off a circus train after killing the crew just as it passes through this small Alabama town!!! YES You heard that right!! Now, the cobra casts its spell on other snakes in the area and causes them to randomly attack anyone they encounter! All this while a new dog racing track is about to open. And the mayor and the guy building it of course won't let anything delay the grand opening! No matter how many people get bitten! It's up to the priest to re-discover his faith and drive out the evil snakes!!! As you can tell from the above paragraph, this film is laughable. At least Snakes On a Plane apparently knew not to take itself seriously. (I've never seen that one, but that's what I understand) But Jaws of Satan plays it straight and only generates unintentional laughs! So many goofs! Plexiglass between the snakes and cast members is clearly visible in some scenes. In one scene, the sheriff is called to stalk a dangerous snake in a hardware store. The snake is clearly just a harmless gopher snake, but they try to make it seem like its attacking him!! We hear a gunshot, even when he clearly did not fire the pistol. Then, the snake just kind of slumps onto the floor... clearly not dead or harmed! The music is absolutely wretched, the film is filled with padding like people driving or taxiing down a runway in a little plane. Thought I was watching R.O.T.O.R. for a moment with all that padding! Lots of ancient clichés abound. We get a morgue attendant who leaves food lying around dead bodies and acts casual while eating next to corpses. Seen that one in so many others.... We see an expert brought in from out of town, but he doesn't amount to anything. Just serves as a love interest for a female town doctor. I don't know where to stop with my criticism, so I'll just do it here. Awful film! 2 of 10 stars.

The Hound.

The beauty of "Jaws of Satan" is that the Farmer's son was my 9th grade drama teacher and this was Christina Appelgate's first movie, so I can really show off when playing the six degrees game. Why anyone who does not meet these rather unique audience criteria would endure this abysmal piece of claptrap is beyond me. The plot highlights include an ancient Druid curse somehow connected to rural Georgia and tons of scenes of actors being menaced by stock footage of a cobra. "Jaws of Satan" is about as suspenseful as finding a rubber snake in a big bin of rubber snakes marked with a sign reading in huge, red letters - "Sale! Rubber Snakes"

In this legendary trashy flick called "Jaws of Satan" the priest played by Fritz Weaver battles Satan in a form of a giant cobra snake.I must say that "Jaws of Satan" has to be one of the most idiotic horror films of 80's.It mixes the theme from "The Exorcist" with the-nature-run-amok plot in the vein of "Jaws" or "Grizzly".All the death scenes in "Jaws of Satan" look exactly the same.Poor victim gets bitten by a reptile,screams and falls down.On a train.In the forest.The acting is passable and the photography by Dean Cundey is professional."Jaws of Satan" marks the big-screen debut of Christina Applegate.5 out of 10.For 80's horror completists only.