Hard Rock Zombies

You can guess it is not a movie to watch with high expectations, but there should be at least something for the actual fans of the genre i.e. extremely low budget zombie movies, rock'n'roll and the 80s as such. Sadly, there isn't. Technically speaking this production it is not even a movie, but a remade 20-minute piece and you can notice the desperation of the filmmakers trying to fill the other 78 minutes with anything at all, which included full songs played by the band on stage, totally random interludes and repeating the same video sequences. The unrelated scenes could disturb the plot and the logical course of events, if there were any, but in fact there wasn't much.

This movie is quite different from other zombie movies, surely it is gory and tasteless at moments, but for the most part it is incredibly boring and the things which make no sense are not even that funny. It can be quite a disappointment for hard rock and heavy metal fans (who are most likely to pick this movie: come on, zombies, Hitler and rock'n'roll) because it doesn't really feature the 80s' music they would listen to. The tracks are not hard rock and not even rock'n'roll. I liked the love ballad "Cassie's Song" though. I think I'll even give the movie an extra star for that (the base rating was 2 for "bad, but I managed to watch it till the end").

I find this movie a little too bad even for people specifically interested in bad movies. Unless things like Nazi zombie midgets really do it for you, then you totally should go for it.

Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Hard Rock Zombies; here's the breakdown of my ratings:

Story: 0.75 Direction: 0.75 Pace: 0.50 Acting: 1.00 Enjoyment: 1.00

TOTAL: 4.00 out of 10.00.

I really wanted to like Hard Rock Zombies. I mean, zombies, rock music, neo-nazis, cannibal mutant dwarfs, a town that's anti-Rock'n'Roll, and Adolf Hitler, what more could a music-orientated comedy horror require? Well, for a start, a good story, gut-busting comedy, perfectly timed direction, head-banging tunes, and decent acting. Sadly, the audience receives very little in the way of these.

Krishna Shah, who also directed, and David Allan Ball, tells us the story of an up-and-coming rock band. The Hard Rock Zombies are trying to hit the big time and are playing small towns throughout America. Unfortunately for them, their next stop hates rock and roll. The council and townsfolk do everything to prevent the show from going on, even arresting the Zombies. Luckily, they get bailed by a well-to-do family in the area. But something isn't quite right about them. And when the band gives them a free thankyou performance, they're electrocuted. Is the house's electrical system old and dangerous, or are there other powers at play? There's one thing though: The old mansion contains an undeniable power. As the group's leader riffs off a new track, he realises the tune can resurrect the dead - real-life Hard Rock Zombies. Wow, the story's packed with everything but the kitchen sink, and the possibilities the plotlines provide are endless. So why doesn't it work? The simple answer is lack of skill. The story needed better structuring to ease its jaggedness and enliven the dullness. There's a fair amount of good in the script. Sadly, neither Shah nor Ball makes the most of it. The worst parts are the comedic elements. From their many attempts to make you chortle, only one scene works, and even that is an only juster. It's the skit where the council vote to ban Rock'N'Roll from their town. And though it's humourous, it's when the last resident steps up to the podium to make their statement that I began to titter. Luanne. "Rock n' roll music causes... Sex! Adolescent sex! Premarital sex! And, worst of all... Physical Sex!" And the way the actress delivers her argument is the icing on the cake. She's all excited smiles and subdued, sultry sexiness. This segment works because of the actor's and actresses' performances. What the narrative required were better structuring and better character development. Apart from the odd scene, most characters are dull as dish-water.

One element that could've lifted the sluggishness was the direction. Sad to say, Shah's directional skills are as exciting as his writing. You have an actual band, and though the guys aren't outstanding actors, they're not terrible musicians - though the songs leave a lot to be desired. If he'd filmed these guys correctly, he could've forgotten about the other stuff a little. But he doesn't, and there's nothing better than the concert segments to display Shah's failing. He loves his pick-a-spot, set up the camera, point, shoot, and record style. This form could've worked had the band been more dynamic on stage. Sadly, they're of the stand-by-your-microphones brigade. But it's not all bad because Shah incorporates a few varied camera angles. Though they're interesting, he holds the shot too long, adding to the picture's sluggish feel. And don't get me started on the Hard Rock Zombie's Zombie Stroll. Shah attempts to make this parade stylish and engaging for the viewer. However, it comes across as poor as a third-rate rock video. Had they employed a top-notch rock video director, the movie may have reached the heady heights of hard rock heaven. Or, at the very least, been a contender in the cult movie charts.

I always find it tough to drop the blame for an awful movie in the lap of the actors and actresses. The performers can only work with the story and characters they're given and can merely deliver the scenes in the way the director directs. On the whole, everybody gives a decent performance, except for the band members. I found these guys to be too subdued, over-eager, as hammy as a pig on a butcher's slab, or as wooden as a pirate's peg leg. And they get worse when you take the lines away from them. When they go quiet and zombified, it's horrific and not horrifying or amusing as it should be.

All in all, Hard Rock Zombies is not the movie it could've been, and because of that sad fact, I can't recommend it to anyone. There are many better horror comedies to enjoy. I suggest you find one; you could try looking in my Absolute Horror or Just For Laughs lists.

Okay, while I slip the latest rock LP onto the turntable so we can get physical with our freaky selves, you can take a look at my IMDb lists - Absolute Horror and Just For Laughs to see where I ranked Hard Rock Zombies - or to find something more entertaining for your visual joy.

Take Care & Stay Well.

Anyone going into this movie looking for a blood curdling shocker is barking up the wrong tree here. The title of the movie should tell you that. On the other hand, if you want to feel the tears run down your cheeks from incredulous laughter and your throat get sore with the groaning at the awful sight that's facing you, then maybe you will be able to suffer it.

Rock star wannabes who maybe should have found out what music is first, a dwarf Nazi zombie, a re-incarnated Adolf Hitler, a few dim bimbos, terrible audio and visual and you have everything you could possibly want!

Great lines, including a girl picking up her boyfriend's head and asking if he's OK are priceless. I take my hat off to the scriptwriter for having the front to write this stuff down.

Anyway people, it's one you have to take as you find and enjoy for the rubbish that it is. It is bad horror at it's finest.

Travelling to the redneck town of Grand Guignol, where they hope to impress a music mogul with their next show, a heavy rock band pick up a beautiful hitch-hiker who invites them to stay at her home, which she shares with her bizarre family. Once in town, the band runs into trouble with the authorities, and lead singer Jessie falls in love with local girl Cassie, but the band's outrageous rock 'n' roll antics and Jessie's blossoming romance are short lived: the musicians are murdered one-by-one by their strange hosts, who turn out to be a bunch of bloodthirsty ghouls led by none other than Adolf Hitler!

Following the band's funeral, a distraught Cassie plays Jessie's last recording—music inspired by an ancient magical book that has the power to raise the dead—which results in the pasty faced foursome clawing their way from their graves to seek revenge, and to play one last gig.

When I first saw Hard Rock Zombies, on its original video release over 20 years ago, I thought it was absolutely awful; these days, I find the film slightly more bearable thanks to its nostalgia factor (gotta love all that big hair rock!) and my unhealthy love of cheesy 80s crap. However, I still struggle to understand what the hell its makers were thinking of: were they intentionally aiming for cult status with this insane mix of rock and horror, or is the film a genuinely inept, asinine piece of trash made by a bunch of totally talentless fools? The jury is still out on that one...

The film starts off promisingly, quickly scoring points for gratuitous use of both nudity and dwarfs, but rapidly becomes a jaw-droppingly bad mish-mash of musical interludes and inept gore (courtesy of FX man John Carl Buechler), interspersed with moments of complete inanity: the dwarfs watch on as an old man (later to be revealed as Hitler) shtups his wife; the old lady turns into a werewolf; the hitch-hiker dances to herself for no reason in the desert; one dwarf eats himself; the band survive an electrocution while practising; and one guy momentarily avoids being eaten by pretending to be a zombie (beating Shaun Of The Dead to the joke by a couple of decades).

It's all utter garbage, of course, but somehow strangely compelling.

This movie is AWFUL, don't believe otherwise! The acting is absolutely terrible, the plot is nonexsistent, and even the makeup is cheap. Yet all of this adds up to a hilariously bad zombie movie! The humor itself isn't funny at all, yet it's amusing because you're laughing AT it, not with it. I really enjoyed it, although it had no redeeming qualities at all! Basically it is one of the worst movies ever made, and for that reason it's pretty funny.