Ich, der Richter

This so-so detective yarn feels more like a TV movie than the noir-ish piece of cinema you might expect from a Spillane novel. But it has a few moments.

What makes this movie worth watching is the smoking Nicaraguan beauty Barbara Carrera. She has a fully-nude love scene that steals the show. If you're a Barbara Carrera fan, you should rent this movie and fast-forward to that scene (a little over 1 hour into the movie). You won't be disappointed.

Everywhere I look, people say that this is the best Mike Hammer film to date, and I can't help but ask "why?" It just isn't very Mike Hammer. If perhaps it was just a ripoff of the pulp classic "I, the Jury" with Armand Assante, I would have enjoyed it. As a movie, it's pretty good considering it was pure 1980's action. But as Mike Hammer, it's weak.

The biggest differences between true Mike Hammer and this movie is Armand Assante's portrayal. He does a fine acting job, but Hammer is MEAN and always angry. In this, Assante is either manic depressive or smirking at the bad guys that he just beat. Mike Hammer gets into fist fights. Armand just pushes some people down stairs, doesn't throw punches. At least they got the ending right, although Armand Assante was still way too melancholy.

I can say several positive things about this movie. The scene when Assante does a full assault on the criminal's compound with an M-16 is well directed, a good solid action scene (no way connected with the book). Velda and Assante's love interests were both more interesting to watch than the rest of the movie.

In closing, I would like to say that Hollywood still has the chance to make a good, solid film based on Mike Hammer. Two tips: FOLLOW THE BOOK. Regardless of which book you use, follow it. Spillane wrote better than 90% of Hollywood anyways. And second, get someone who can be a mean and downright angry Mike Hammer, not depressed. I think Michael Madsen would fit the job well, he has the right look and the right voice.

There is a reason this film is hardly ever mentioned today: it's a completely average and forgettable actioner that looks and sounds like a TV-movie (spiced-up with a little nudity and some gratuitous sleaze). The script is murky and the direction lacks style. Having not read a Mickey Spillane book so far, I can not estimate how accurate Armand Assante's interpretation of Mike Hammer is, but his performance seems acceptable. Less acceptable is Barbara Carrera, who has one facial expression throughout the film; at least she has a nude scene, which explains her casting. Laurene Landon, whom you might remember from "All The Marbles", is wasted as Hammer's devoted secretary. (*1/2)

I THE JURY (1982), the first Mike Hammer movie since THE GIRL HUNTERS (1963). This was a half-hearted attempt to bring Hammer into the modern world-- or something. Armand Assante's too short & skinny, his accent's all wrong & he seems too laid-back about all the nastiness going on, like he's a wise-guy when he should be a dangerous Neanderthal. Laurene Landon's pretty, but she seems too helpless when the going gets rough-- and she's blonde! (Velda's supposed to be a brunette, how hard is it to get even the simple details right?) Paul Sorvino as Pat Chambers isn't bad, but he gets forced to involve Hammer against his will, while in the original, he happily fed Mike all the info he could, knowing Mike would not be held back by rules & regulations the way he would be as a cop. The highlight of the film is no doubt Barbara Carerra, who gets to have one HOT nude sex scene about 2/3rds of the way in-- but it doesn't seem like she's really given much chance to act. Her lack of ability, or just a director who has NO IDEA what he's doing? Someone said this looked and felt like a "tv movie"-- the only difference being, the excessive graphic violence, nudity & sex. And while the original I THE JURY was a very complex plot, which left you marvel at the way such a "thug" on the outside as Hammer could figure it out when nobody else could, here, too much is spelled out for the audience, and yet, not enough is spelled out clearly for any of it to really make sense. OY! Bill Conti tries his best with a high-powered jazz score, but it's no FOR YOUR EYES ONLY.

It's a fun flick and can be enjoyed for exactly what it is. But watching this again really makes me wish I had a good copy of the Biff Elliot film...

"I The Jury" delivers about what you would expect from a 1980s action film. Armand Asante is the cocky private detective, hunting his best friend's killer. He bends the rules without investigation, leaving a trail of dead bodies and explosions. Geoffrey Lewis is a welcome addition, playing a recluse who points Assante in the right direction to begin the mayhem. There are strong sexy scenes with Assante and Barbara Carrera. There are some creative kills, like death by hot griddle, and the photography is certainly colorful. The story itself involves a government coverup utilizing a sex clinic as a front for their operations. All of this is sometimes difficult to follow, but things move along brisk enough to maintain interest. - MERK