Königin der Wikinger

The Viking Queen is not an epic about the history of Romans in England. It is not a movie about romance (although there's a half-hearted attempt at it). This isn't, as the cover claims, a movie of action. Sit back, relax, and let your mind switch off. That's how to enjoy this film. In the inimitable style that brought us other pseudo-historical films, Hammer has ensured that our time and money is not wasted. It's certainly worth the wait to see the bladed chariot of death. Please don't try to praise this film, or even attempt to call it a classic. It's a joyful romp through the English countryside with an attractive blond, a wicked high priest, and a Machavellian second-in-command. Enjoy!

From the trying-for-sublime to the content-to-be-ridiculous. Carita, a Finnish model-turned-actress, is surprisingly credible (well, not really, but she's not as bad as one would expect) as window dressing turned queen Salina of the Britons, trying to keep her people's semi-sovereignty while romancing the Roman general Justinian (Don Murray, pretty darn bland) who is supposed to be keeping her and her people in check. What I liked about this most, apart from the nice location photography and the presence of 2nd Dr. Who Patrick Troughton as wise warrior Tristram was the slightly more complex than expected political intrigue of the thing, with druids, merchants, British nobles and Romans all playing off against each other. What I liked least were the very cheap, poorly choreographed battle scenes where hardly a drop of red paint is even to be seen, and the swords are so obviously dull and plaster that you can't help laughing at times. Still, Carita is cute and the pacing keeps one more interested than not.

DVD rental (double DVD with Vengeance of She watched previously).

The title is somewhat misleading in this mash up of historical epic and violent action picture. The script is so silly one simply has to laugh at it, but I'll get to that in a moment. At least it follows in the tradition of Hammer and is exceptionally good looking, with decent battle scenes and lovely female cast members.

The "viking queen" of the title is Salina (played by Finnish beauty Carita, in one of only two film roles), a young Briton living under the rule of Roman conquerors in ancient times. Her father, King Priam (Wilfrid Lawson) is sure that his people can peacefully co-exist with the Romans and conveys this belief to Salina, who inherits the role of queen when he passes on. But there's more. These Britons are part of a group of Druids - who pray to the Greek god Zeus. Salina embarks on a romance with nice guy Roman governor general Justinian (Don Murray of "Bus Stop"), but their happiness will be short lived thanks to Justinians' hateful and power hungry second in command, Octavian (Andrew Keir), and the restlessness of the natives.

Carita looks stunning, so some viewers may not care if her performance isn't all that hot. Murray looks quite out of place, and the excellent supporting cast (Niall MacGinnis, Donald Houston, Adrienne Corri, Patrick Troughton, et al) helps to keep this watchable, although it's sluggish at times. It attempts to be funny with a chariot race that ends in falls into the drink. With Don Chaffey in the directors' seat, the film does serve up doses of sex, violence and sacrifice, enough to maintain our interest for a while. Gorgeous Irish scenery complements the physical charms of the actresses. While one couldn't take it seriously, it does have an endearing camp factor going for it.

In any event, we have to hand it to Hammer for making this kind of thing as we sure don't see much like it anymore. As long as people go in knowing it's absolutely no history lesson and just accept it as escapist entertainment, they can find it diverting enough.

Six out of 10.

During the height of the breasts-on-display, low-budget-epic era in the mid-60's, Murray got off at the wrong "Bus Stop" and wound up flailing around in this sword and sandal howler. He plays the Roman ruler of a Celtic tribe in ancient Britain. The Celtic King dies and appoints one of his three daughters to rule in his place (even though she is virtually a figurehead because of the Roman occupation.) He picks Carita and, because her mother was a Viking, she is dubbed The Viking Queen. (Apparently, she picked up her mother's accent along the way even though she was raised in Britain?) Murray and Carita have an affection for one another, but it is put to the test when he leaves to fight an enemy and his second-in-command starts wreaking havoc on her people. Finally, she's had enough and rises to battle the Romans even at the expense of her relationship with Murray. Carita is lovely (as any former model should be), but her acting inexperience shows much of the time. Murray couldn't possibly be more miscast and he and Carita have only adequate chemistry at best. They do have their own little mini-Ben Hur chariot race which ends up in a swamp, but their great love is not aptly demonstrated in the film. Corri and Pagett play her sisters. One looks old enough to be her mother and dabbles in the occult while the other has a tentative love affair with a local bruiser played by Caffrey. Houston is a raving, rabble-rousing Druid priest who, at times, makes Victor Buono look subtle. Actors like Keir and Troughton attempt to give real performances, but are done in by the pedestrian script. The ad copy for this film promised all sorts of wild events on screen, but most of them are presented in a more-than-tame manner. There is also a heavy dose of hilarious feminine pulchritude on display as scantily-clad ladies show off their bodies with strategic arm, pasty and hair placement to cover the naughtiest bits while they lie around stroking and petting the various men of the cast. One, in particular (referred to as the Nubian slave) is an obviously Caucasian girl in blackface with "Star Trek" make up who probably has more costume changes than the lead! It's not the dullest film ever made and has a few intriguing moments and some eye-catching scenery and costumes, but doesn't hold up as history, nor as titillation.

Ah, yes, let us now all take a moment and consider our debt to the fine British gentlemen of Hammer Films, who kept the 60s and 70s full of luridly colored historo-horror epics. Arguably, the essence of the Hammer style is 1,001 ways to nearly show naked breasts, and "The Viking Queen" is a high example of such. The queen of the title seems to be based on Bodicea, bloodthirsty queen of the Britons. Still, she is a Viking, even though she is supposedly British, and queen of the Druids, even though they all worship the Greek god Zeus. Whatever. Said queen is played by "International Beauty" Carita in a style so rigid that "wooden" doesn't even cover it. This was her only film--I believe she was actually a hairstylist and did Jane Fonda's astonishing do's in the Euro-Poe flick "Spirits of the Dead." Starring opposite her as her hot-panted, eyeliner-ed Roman love interest is Don Murray, a long way from Marilyn Monroe and the "Bus Stop."

Still, my favorite scene is where the British-Viking-Greek-Druids are sacrificing Romans to the fiery pit and there's this great awkward moment where some kind of assistant priest has to climb down from the big rock and stoke the fire for the next human sacrifice while all the other British-Viking-Greek-Druids stand waiting impatiently. I hate it when that happens.