The Incredible Petrified World

Like The Mole People, Unknown World and The Abyss, The Incredible Petrified World (IPW) defies sci-fi conventions by taking place entirely in inner space. Also like Mole People and Unknown World, inner space seems to have been built for human habitation - not only are the cave networks the perfect size for humans to walk upright in, the absurd Cyclotram of the unknown world even has a nicely graded (though bumpy) road to travel along while drilling through solid bedrock.

The only resemblance between this film and The Abyss is the underwater setting. IPW was made with less than a fraction of The Abyss' budget and the most talented actress in the film (Coates) was not paid. The film proceeds with mostly character-actors, and little to no character development.

Four people - a professional diver, two oceanographers and the stereotype female reporter - man the first deep-sea submersible diving bell (ya, this technology was already somewhat obsolete by the 1950s and the Navy was doing far more interesting things but who cares) on its first exploratory mission. Predictably, something goes wrong. But soon enough the crew finds itself in an underwater maze of caverns complete with fish ponds, potable water, a monitor lizard and a vaguely menacing hermit with extremely bad hair.

Putting all the absurdities aside (which is asking a lot), the plot is at least different and does take a few unanticipated turns. The terrestrial portion of the plot - focusing on Carradine as the philanthropic engineer sponsoring all of this - is actually more or less believable and interesting. But any value this plot adds is easily balanced by the laughable goings-on down below - especially the unnecessary and ridiculous hermit subplot.

All in all, I think this film deserves a better rating than it has here on IMDb, but I was seriously reconsidering my rating after I read about Ms. Coates' difficulties resulting from this film.

Recommended for B-sci-fi fans. AAAC (avoid at all costs) for everybody else.

"We are now prepared to invade this black wilderness." Well, actually they weren't, since the cable of the diving bell snaps, sending them to a tourist attraction with nice stalactites and stalagmites that I guess is supposed to resemble petrified wood or something. A very long technical explanation about the snapped cable is given later but that comes off like gibberish to me.

The only part worth watching is the genuinely exciting octopus and shark battle at the beginning, but which looks as if it was filmed in a small fish tank which had only a bit of sand poured over the bottom. You might as well turn it off after that part and have a nice nap instead.

The diving bell seems as big as a rocket-ship on the inside, but only about the size of an overinflated beach ball on the outside. This makes for some real laughs, especially when it is hanging and swaying about from the ship's crane and the actors are near it. It doesn't look like even one child could fit inside it, let alone the two men and two women, with a lot of room to spare, and the high ceiling.

Absolutely nothing happens in this movie after they get into the diving bell. They don't even show the implied trip to the volcano area with the lead characters! Instead, we get some sort of senseless and brief argument between the two women and Popeye's grandfather (or so he appears) making bizarre faces, as if he were in a "make the weirdest face and win fantastic prizes" contest. Silly beyond words and certainly belonging in a movie other than this one. At one point, his eyes are popping so far out, they look like they could just fall out of his face.

Later, "Popeye's grandfather" actually moves closer to the cave wall and slowly leans against it so that more rocks can hit him! (You can actually tell that he is trying to get under the path of the larger fake falling rocks! Hilarious!)

The ending made no sense to me, either. I may be wrong, but I got the idea that they weren't really that far under the surface at all. And where was the volcano (which sounded like the amplified recording of a rolling bowling ball and a bit from a storm) relative to the surface? Why wasn't it more of a noticed event from the ship?

The orchestral soundtrack on my DVD copy is really sour, and sounds more like two tomcats having a stand-off.

2/10. A two only because of the octopus and shark battle before the actors come in and ruin everything.

If you were looking for a one word description of the film 'The Incredible Petrified World', that word would have to be Boring. I almost wish I could use words like ridiculous or total nonsense but I can't. If that were the case, it might at least have been amusing. Maybe it would have been good for a few laughs. The main problem with this film is that it's just a boring movie. Plain and simple, there is very little excitement. There are no memorable moments, dramatic, comic or otherwise. The word petrified in the title seems to have no relation to anything in the film. My opinion is that neither does the word Incredible. It's too bad, the plot had potential but little to no effort was made to exploit this potential. Stay away from this one. It's a waste of your time.

"I've made some of the greatest films ever made - and a lot of crap, too."

John Carradine, who had roles in The Ten Commandments and Stagecoach and Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sex, But Were Afraid to Ask among his 334 films, and won awards for The Scarecrow and House of the Long Shadows, would probably list this film as one that was crap.

He plays a scientist that sends down a diving bell with four people to 1,700 feet when they get stranded. They manage to make it into Arizona's Colossal Cave and they meet up with a hairy bugger who has been stranded there 14 years. Forget the others, this guy is focused on Phyllis Coates, who was the first Lois Lane on TV.

Yes, 14 years all alone and this old timer wants to find a way to get rid of the competition and have Lois to himself. Before he could get started, the volcano erupts and, well, just one eruption.

I just love this exchange between the two women:

Dale Marshall: You just listen to me, Miss Innocent. There's nothing friendly between two females. There never was. There never will be. Lauri Talbott: Sorry you feel that way. I was hoping we could help each other. Dale Marshall: You don't need help - neither do I. Not as long as we have two men around us.

O, the days when women thought that way.

This film had some very valuable information in it. I didn't know that people dived with a thermos of hot coffee, but it is good they do, as it is just the thing to revive someone who has run out of air.

The best sequence is the shot of the raging sea storm and the huge waves that lead us into this movie. But they have absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the movie...which is incredibly calm and quite dull.

There is little if any action in this film. Diving bell goes down down down. There's trouble. Crew screams that something is buckling. On the ship above John Carradine, who looks like they got him out of bed for this movie, shouts, "What's buckling?" I don't know about you but if you hear someone screaming that something is buckling in a diving bell I would instantly reverse their submersion. This doesn't happen so they go down another quick 1000 feet and vanish - at least to the ship's crew.

Meanwhile the crew of the diving bell manage to find a series of underwater caves to escape to. They walk, they eat, they walk some more, they run into a monitor lizard, they drink water, they find a man with a very bad beard living in these caves. He tells them there is no way out. They settle in for the long haul. The man with the bad beard becomes menacing. Then a volcano blows up just in the nick of time.

Whew! I don't mind watching a bad film if it has purpose. This one denies me.