Brainiac - Der Baron des Terrors

A lot of films have taken on the "cult film" mantle in the past couple of decades. Many of them (i.e. BATTLEFIELD EARTH) are not the joyous exercise in pure "so bad it's good" glee that its followers claim. But, let us stake a claim that THE BRAINIAC deserves a place in that hall of fame.

Torture, the Inquisition, Comets, Astronomers, Barons, falling meteorites, serial stalking, a head-pulsing 300 year-old demon, and brains! Yup, that's a brief overview of the topics covered in the deliriously entertaining THE BRAINIAC! I had a chance to actually witness the indescribable movie on the big screen yesterday, and the audicence went wild. And hey, we get to see an evil serial killer munching on a plate of fresh brains 4 DECADES before Anthony Hopkins had his hors d'oevres in HANNIBAL!

It turns out that all the word of mouth about the Mexican horror flick "The Brainiac" (1961) is absolutely correct: It IS one wild and loopy film experience! This picture tells the story of the necromancer Baron Vitelius Destera (played by the film's handsome producer, Abel Salazar), who is burned at the stake in 1661 by the Inquisition in Mexico City and swears vengeance on the descendants of his tormentors. Good to his word, the Baron falls to Earth in 1961 on a comet (the phoniest-looking comet ever shown on film, perhaps) to begin his homicidal agenda. Destera has the ability to transform himself into a giant-headed, pointy-nosed, fork-tongued monster, and his ability to hypnotize with a glance and bend others to his mental will makes his nefarious plans that much simpler. Oh...did I mention that the Baron uses his Gene Simmons-like tongue to suck his victims' brains out? Oh, man! Sounds pretty cool, right? Truth to tell, though, this film has been made on the cheap, with loads of ersatz-looking backdrops, lousy FX, and reams of unexplained happenings. Why, for example, does the Baron need to keep a stemmed dish of brains around for snacking purposes? How do the film's detectives ultimately crack the case of all these homicides? Why is fire able to harm the Baron in 1961 but not in 1661? Where DID that blasted comet disappear to? This movie has so many head-scratching moments, so many outrageous situations, so many admittedly cool murder scenes, such egregiously artificial backdrops and such strange humor (brain tacos, anyone?) that the net result is one of absolute lysergic surrealism. So yes, the movie is a hoot, and features a monster you won't soon forget. Unlike the Baron himself, the film is NOT a brain-drainer, but a genuinely exhilarating cult item. I, for one, was sufficiently impressed to check out director Chano Urueta's next effort, 1962's "The Witch's Mirror"...

For once, the outrageous image displayed on the DVD-cover isn't an exaggeration, as the titular Terror-Baron for some reason really does occasionally mutate into a hideous creature with the long split tongue of a lizard, the big pointy ears of a bat and tiny trunks for hands! I don't know why the Mexican film crew opted for this peculiar monster-design, but it sure is original and a very welcome change from all the usual vampires, witches, werewolves and masked serial killers. The movie atmospherically opens in the year 1661, with the extended and relentless trial against Baron Vitelius d'Estera, who's condemned for sorcery, necromancy and a whole shopping list of other vile crimes against humanity. As a comet passes on the night of his execution, the Baron swears he'll reincarnate within 300 years and extract his bloody vengeance against the descendants of the Inquisitors who burned him alive at the stake. Punctually three centuries later, a comet falls onto earth and the Baron lives again. Introducing himself as a charming and eloquent man, he seeks contact with the kin of his executioners and ingeniously sucks the brains out of their skull whilst they're hypnotized. "Brainiac" doesn't play in the same quality league as some other contemporary Mexican horror films (like "Curse of the Crying Woman" and "The Black Pit of Dr. M"), but it's a tremendously entertaining and competently made black & white chiller. The film is fast-paced and obviously borrowing a lot of style-elements from fellow Gothic classics. The film is also stuffed with ludicrous twists and tacky special effects, yet for some reason the tone remains serious. Even when the screenplay reverts to dreadful clichés and stereotypes, the actors speak their lines straight faced and without blinking. The idea of vengeance against descendants isn't exactly groundbreaking either, but at least the film never gets dull or repetitive! Probably thanks to the incredibly cool-looking Baron, whose appearance is indescribably far-out! "Brainiac" is one bizarre horror film - albeit not THE most bizarre ever, like the tagline proudly announces – and the hardcore cult fanatics among us definitely should purchase it.

Following «Santo vs. the Vampire Women», another cult oddity came to Mexican cinemas in November 1962, surpassing the tale of wrestlers and female vampires in weirdness and kitsch value. Director Chano Urueta had previously released the classic «El espejo de la bruja» and then came «El barón del terror», probably the title for which he is most remembered among the horror genre fans for its bizarre concept. The story has a similar beginning as Mario Bava's «La maschera del demonio», in which Baron Vitelius d'Estera is sentenced to be burned alive by the Inquisition, accused of being a warlock and seducer. He curses his judges and 300 years later he returns to take revenge, as a hideous monster who eats people's brains. He kills the inquisitors' descendants, has enough cerebrum delicatessen at home to eat, but for no discernible reason Baron Vitelius also viciously kills innocent persons, among them pretty Ariadne Welter. Produced with a very low budget by Abel Salazar, who also took the title role, the money must have been spent in the top cast. The curious thing about «El barón del terror» is that everybody agrees that it is a trashy movie but none can deny the strange fascination it exerts.

Mexico, 1661: Baron Vitelius of Astara (Abel Salazar) is sentenced to death by the Mexican Inquisition for acts of heresy, witchcraft, necromancy and generally being annoying. As he is burnt alive and a comet passes overhead, the baron vows to return in 300 years to take revenge by killing Inquisitors' descendants. Sure enough, three centuries later the comet reappears, bringing with it the baron, who is able to change from human form into a hideous brainsucking monster.

The Brainiac features one of the goofiest movie monsters you're ever likely to see in a horror film, Mexican or otherwise, the wholly unconvincing creature having tubular quivering pincers, a pulsating hairy head, pointy rubber ears and nose, extra large fangs, and a forked tongue with which to suck out its victims' brains. But as hilarious as this monster is, it cannot make up for the film's dull plot, lifeless direction and cheap production values: printed backdrops stand in for real locations, the comet looks like a cut-out piece of paper stuck to a sheet of glass, and the baron's hypnotic gaze is achieved by shining a light into his eyes.

The film's best moment is the shocking discovery of a body suspended upside down in a bath-tub (the man's head underwater), although any scene featuring the voluptuous Rosa María Gallardo as astronomer Victoria Contreras is worth a look (she can calibrate my telescope any day of the week!); worst (and consequently funniest) moments include the arrival of the creature inside a rock, the baron sneaking off to tuck into his bowlful of brains, and the wide-eyed expressions on the faces of his mesmerized victims.