Immortal

What this mini anthology of films based on the theme of Immortality all have in common is they have nothing to do with the theme of Immortality.

It might as well be called 'Wolverines siblings'. Poorly writen, hastily thrown together this 'Not dying and healing fast' series of tales misses the mark by a Continent.

Immortality is the concept of living forever and experiencing eternal life, it is measuring eons as the rest of us measure decades. It is loss and madness and eventually craving death. What it is NOT is suddenly realising you can't die. This could have been so much better; consider the anguish Connor MacLeod goes through in Highlander when he sees everyone he loves pass away over the ages. Think of the heartache of Gary Oldmans Dracula when his wife dies. Even 2020's 'The Old Guard' took the time to look deep into the curse of Immortality. This pitiful collection that all end abruptly however, refuses to go near such deeply philosophical matters. Instead it's as vapid and as inconsequential as Hayden Panettiere's character in 'Heroes': "Oh no! I"m hurt! Oh wait, I'm fine!" By all means give it a watch but I guarantee 30 minutes after it ends you'll be hard pressed to remember any of it.

This might be a relatively low-budget production but is well written, well made and well acted. I don't think it's a spoiler to write that the four stories concern people who seem to be immune to death. The implications of this are explored with some imagination (and are sometimes rather grisly) but make the viewer wonder how they might react in similar situations. Entertaining, thoughtful and well photographed, the four films are quite disturbing but also engaging and amusing and the central characters are well drawn and well directed. Dylan Baker in the first story is particularly good as a teacher.

One would expect that a four part anthology would have something more in common than just the theme. This film was not the case.

Although all four were very well shot - and I'm assuming on a low budget, they were still flawed.

The second one was the most interesting and captivating, with some nice unexpected twists, and well acted.

The third one touched on some real-life issues, and performances were the best of all four, but it was slow, depressing and predictable.

The last one was just a smorgasbord of self-experimentation - albeit with some decent special effects, sub-par acting, with the predictable ending being the only fun part.

The first one was just a pointless story with many plot holes, and without any real substance or merit to its story. Probably the worst performances of the four.

Thankfully all four were nice and short and filled up the 94 min total runtime efficiently.

Each one is short enough to be over before one starts to pick them apart. And it is set up so there are many avenues to explore after each one ends. The stories come with a twist, which some may or may not predict. It was fun entertainment. None of the stories are award winners on the red carpet, but still decent stories to pass the time with. The first one was, I felt the best, and the last had the most sinister overtones. The first one also had the most paths that could have been taken. The Ted and Vanessa story threw out perhaps the most profound questions about life, the quality of life and prolonging life. The last one had the most unforced errors. A license plate will not simply fall off unbent in an accident.

I try to aim my reviews towards movies deserving of praise and/or those in need of defense from arbitrary, armchair self-professed movie critics that lean toward just the opposite. But once in a while comes along a movie so stupid, so sloppy, so idiotic, so inane, so returded, so goofy, so embarrassing, so mindless, so ridiculous, so undeserving, so uninteresting, so not captivating, so witless, so dumb, so vapid, so moronic, so amateur, so insultingly bad, so...

so...

Anyway, Immortal is an anthology style production with the common thread being one or more of the characters from each story having a hard time staying dead after suffering an unnatural death (despite the fact it would be so much better for the viewer if they had).

The lack of cohesion in the stories is palpable, the acting is deplorable, the unbelievability of each scenario is dominant, and unless you eat a handful of gummies beforehand, you're going to have a hard time even laughing at this train-wrecked dupe magnet.

Immortal is what might happen if you give a fourteen year old artistic license and half the budget of a Lifetime Movie Of The Week.

Don't even think about it, but eat a handful of gummies if you must.

You've been warned.