LazyCatCutCoins

Sally Hawkins' is the best, but this movie is pure run-off. If you loved their last one, you might love this one, but it's a pooper.

Perhaps no-one again will reach the heights of Aster or Eggars in the mid-teens, but man, they keep trying. Ever Aster can't do Aster anymore.

This is a movie. Not a movie to be remembered, nor a movie to be referred to. Just a farce of a movie with a little pomade to grease back its bald spot with a sloppy swath of bangs.

If I had to do it all over, I'd eat feta cheese, right from the block, and maybe even go back to school.

Kids, violence, mild witchery. Blah, blah, boo.

I try to aim my reviews towards movies deserving of praise and/or those in need of defense from arbitrary, armchair self-professed movie critics that lean toward just the opposite. But once in a while comes along a movie so stupid, so sloppy, so idiotic, so inane, so returded, so goofy, so embarrassing, so mindless, so ridiculous, so undeserving, so uninteresting, so not captivating, so witless, so dumb, so vapid, so moronic, so amateur, so insultingly bad, so...

so...

Anyway, Immortal is an anthology style production with the common thread being one or more of the characters from each story having a hard time staying dead after suffering an unnatural death (despite the fact it would be so much better for the viewer if they had).

The lack of cohesion in the stories is palpable, the acting is deplorable, the unbelievability of each scenario is dominant, and unless you eat a handful of gummies beforehand, you're going to have a hard time even laughing at this train-wrecked dupe magnet.

Immortal is what might happen if you give a fourteen year old artistic license and half the budget of a Lifetime Movie Of The Week.

Don't even think about it, but eat a handful of gummies if you must.

You've been warned.

Talk To Me did not make "horror movies horrifying again".

Ari Aster did that with Hereditary and Midsommar, as did Roger Eggers with The Witch.

I must say that I found it suspicious when I was told by the ticket girl that we were in for a real treat and that she's had nightmares for weeks after watching this movie. I then asked her how it compared to Hereditary. "Oh, I hated Hereditary". Ummmm-hmm.

As indicated in the title, it was well produced, acted, written and directed, but if you're looking for a groundbreaking horror movie that is going to revive the genre... see it as a teenager.

All in all, it was better than average.