Monday, November 28, 2005
public service announcement UPDATE
Ok so Millenium ID is really super slimy, right? Well HELL and damnation, use it in the shower and it's Da. Bomb.
We tried it out and although it did feel slimy for quite some time, even through soapy washing, the idea of being able to use it in water is awesome. And you can always keep washing until it's gone. I think there is a moisturizer or something in this stuff that lingers.
death of a reptile.
" 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This turtle is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-TURTLE!! "
My little guy is gone. I took him out with tongs this morning, double-bagged him, and tossed him into the dumpster.
I guess he couldn't go on living any more, knowing that there was just not anything out there for him but a large, psychopathic goldfish with imprisonment issues.
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
curry..omg...curry!
as in...holy shit, I think I put too much. How do I save my soup? Eeek. All I know at this point is that besides the INSANE curry hotness, the flavor is great. I put rosemary and lavender as well as onion powder and fresh garlic. I also used celery salt and fresh mushrooms. I tossed in some brown sugar to kill the heat, and will add fresh cream tomorrow when I reheat to serve. Bah! Soup making is for the birdz.
cooking and drinking - the way to go
Cookin da punkin. I hope I don't mess this up. One never knows if one read the internets wrong and will end up with mush that isn't supposed to be mush.
I'm also boiling up the stringy bits for soup. I found a great soup recipe online for mushrooms, punkin, and curry. We'll see how that comes out too. I guess I need some more yumm-A veggies for that.
I took out the seeds and am drying them overnight on paper towels. We'll have em fresh and hot tomorrow night. I think that'll be fun.
Bill's daughter is in town and wants to see Rent on Saturday. That should be a blast. I invited her over for punkin cheesecake-makin tomorrow.
I'm...talking...in...punctuated...sentences...and...I...have...no...idea...why...
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh
Shitfuck.
I am very pissed off about Yahoo hotjobs. I prepared a resume, they lost it. I saved a job search, they sent an application? I got a response from a company I didn't even apply to yet. This fucking SUCKS because I don't even know what got sent!
This is totally fucked. How the fuck can I apply for REAL now, not knowing what even went out?? JESUS! Well shitfuck and fuckity fuck. I hate Yahoo. I fucking HATE Yahoo.
Friday, November 18, 2005
public service announcement
I've been asked to put this up as a public service announcement so here you are!! (all of the descriptions came from random websites that sell the product.)
Shelley's personal guide to personal lubricants:
1.)Astroglide
Astroglide Sex lube is a favorite that’s sure to please. Astroglide lubricant is water based & water soluble, petroleum free, light, odorless, colorless, tasteless, non-staining, long lasting, contains no spermicide and won’t harm your condoms! What more could you ask for in a sex lube? Astroglide is second only to nature. Astroglide lube now comes in a Sensual Strawberry Flavored Astroglide lube and a new Astroglide Warming liquid.--- Astroglide fights HIV in lab tests.
Shelley's Opinion:
Astroglide is good, but it can be a little slimy. It doesn't get sticky, which is very nice. It's actually a very good lube, I'd rate it my #2 choice.
2.)KY
KY lubricants safely replace personal moisture in a way that feels natural and helps enhance sexual pleasure. KY lubricants are condom safe, rinse off easily, and KY can be used every day.
Shelley's Opinion:
KY = Lubri-Can't. I didn't like this at all. It was really watery going on, and disappeared in a few minutes. No staying power at all. The bottle leaked, and spilled everywhere besides. It was messy and just no good. Given the choice I'd use pretty much anything BUT ky.
3.)I.D.
I.D. is another water based lubricant that stays slick longer and doesn’t gum up or get sticky. ID Glide is unflavored, non-staining and fragrance free, this product is safe to use on your favorite condoms!
Shelley's Opinion:
Not bad. I would use this again if I had no real options. It's fairly basic and does the trick. However, it does end up getting sticky. I don't know why this happens. When more is added it's not sticky anymore, but that doesn't last too long. I guess if you don't mind it feeling tacky then use it.
4.)I.D. Millenium
Never-Drying and Super Slick, I-D Millennium is the leader in Long Lasting Lubricants. Using a special silicone-based formula, I-D Millenium is Latex-Friendly and will stay slick even under water. Available in 2 oz. and 8oz. sizes, the Advanced Formula makes I-D Millennium the Preferred Choice in High-End Lubricants.
Shelley's Opinion:
Ew. I was grossed out from the first use of this. It's so slimy! Ewwww. I guess if you have SERIOUS lubrication needs then go ahead. But Ew. Also, it was very difficult to wash off my sex toys after using this stuff. It took LOTS of soap to get everything clean, including me.
5.)Kama Sutra
Welcome to the sensual world of Kama Sutra. Inspired by the ancient Indian guide to lovemaking, The Kama Sutra Company has created a line of products designed to help loving couples create joyful experiences of intimacy and pleasure. Edible loving oils, creams, powders and other sexual potions will entice your body, seduce your senses and bring lovers to the edge of ecstasy. For over twenty-five years, millions of people all over the world have used Kama Sutra products to live more passionately. Whether you're male, female, adventurous or just sensuous, Kama Sutra products are the ultimate gift of pleasure to give yourself or someone you love. All Products from Kamasutra are attractively labeled, premium quality and feature the Kama Sutra promise of No Animal Testing.
Shelley's Opinion:
I've really only used the massage oil from this line, but it smells nice, soaks in great, and doesn't leave your hands all icky. I'm allergic to a lot of things, but this stuff was very gentle on my skin, and it really was nice to use for massaging. I think the smell was frankincense or myrrh or something biblical. Don't know, but I liked it. A bunch.
6.)Wet Fun Flavors
This fun moisturizing lotion is water based and Condom compatible but is made to be licked off after a playful massage. Rub it and it gets hot! Blow on it and it gets hotter! A warming lotion with a terrific taste and 8 flavors to choose from.
Shelley's Opinion:
I tried a lot of these. The warming lotion really worked. As in...WOO-AH. The flavors are what you'd expect. Nothing from this line is really spectacular, but definitely gets my seal of approval if you are into that kind of thing. I found that the cinnamon was painful after about five minutes. It's very intense.
7.)Liquid Silk
Liquid Silk is water-based, yet provides the super-silky feel of a silicone-based lube while still being safe for use with condoms. It comes in a convenient pump bottle that is innocuous enough to keep by the bedside. This lightweight lubricant is completely non-tacky and is not stringy like some other lubes; it washes off easily with water, so it's perfect for use with any of your non-silicone toys.
Shelley's Opinion:
By far my favorite. The pump is great. I got really sick of lube bottles spilling onto my sheets and then I'd roll over into a cold wet spot of lube. Yuck! So Liquid Silk has never spilled. It's got a lotion-like consistency that is very smooth and soft. The excess sort of soaks into your skin so you don't have to wonder "where do I wipe my hands now?"
You can use it with toys, for masturbation, for sex, for whatever. It's just basically great stuff and I'd recommend it to anyone. Also, this washes away with water in seconds. I love that. It's not sticky or anything, no matter how long it's on your skin. In fact, it's more likely to soak in than anything else. It lasts a good while, sometimes it seems like I have to keep adding more, but even so it's not a hassle, especially with that pump bottle.
Shelley's personal guide to personal lubricants:
1.)Astroglide
Astroglide Sex lube is a favorite that’s sure to please. Astroglide lubricant is water based & water soluble, petroleum free, light, odorless, colorless, tasteless, non-staining, long lasting, contains no spermicide and won’t harm your condoms! What more could you ask for in a sex lube? Astroglide is second only to nature. Astroglide lube now comes in a Sensual Strawberry Flavored Astroglide lube and a new Astroglide Warming liquid.--- Astroglide fights HIV in lab tests.
Shelley's Opinion:
Astroglide is good, but it can be a little slimy. It doesn't get sticky, which is very nice. It's actually a very good lube, I'd rate it my #2 choice.
2.)KY
KY lubricants safely replace personal moisture in a way that feels natural and helps enhance sexual pleasure. KY lubricants are condom safe, rinse off easily, and KY can be used every day.
Shelley's Opinion:
KY = Lubri-Can't. I didn't like this at all. It was really watery going on, and disappeared in a few minutes. No staying power at all. The bottle leaked, and spilled everywhere besides. It was messy and just no good. Given the choice I'd use pretty much anything BUT ky.
3.)I.D.
I.D. is another water based lubricant that stays slick longer and doesn’t gum up or get sticky. ID Glide is unflavored, non-staining and fragrance free, this product is safe to use on your favorite condoms!
Shelley's Opinion:
Not bad. I would use this again if I had no real options. It's fairly basic and does the trick. However, it does end up getting sticky. I don't know why this happens. When more is added it's not sticky anymore, but that doesn't last too long. I guess if you don't mind it feeling tacky then use it.
4.)I.D. Millenium
Never-Drying and Super Slick, I-D Millennium is the leader in Long Lasting Lubricants. Using a special silicone-based formula, I-D Millenium is Latex-Friendly and will stay slick even under water. Available in 2 oz. and 8oz. sizes, the Advanced Formula makes I-D Millennium the Preferred Choice in High-End Lubricants.
Shelley's Opinion:
Ew. I was grossed out from the first use of this. It's so slimy! Ewwww. I guess if you have SERIOUS lubrication needs then go ahead. But Ew. Also, it was very difficult to wash off my sex toys after using this stuff. It took LOTS of soap to get everything clean, including me.
5.)Kama Sutra
Welcome to the sensual world of Kama Sutra. Inspired by the ancient Indian guide to lovemaking, The Kama Sutra Company has created a line of products designed to help loving couples create joyful experiences of intimacy and pleasure. Edible loving oils, creams, powders and other sexual potions will entice your body, seduce your senses and bring lovers to the edge of ecstasy. For over twenty-five years, millions of people all over the world have used Kama Sutra products to live more passionately. Whether you're male, female, adventurous or just sensuous, Kama Sutra products are the ultimate gift of pleasure to give yourself or someone you love. All Products from Kamasutra are attractively labeled, premium quality and feature the Kama Sutra promise of No Animal Testing.
Shelley's Opinion:
I've really only used the massage oil from this line, but it smells nice, soaks in great, and doesn't leave your hands all icky. I'm allergic to a lot of things, but this stuff was very gentle on my skin, and it really was nice to use for massaging. I think the smell was frankincense or myrrh or something biblical. Don't know, but I liked it. A bunch.
6.)Wet Fun Flavors
This fun moisturizing lotion is water based and Condom compatible but is made to be licked off after a playful massage. Rub it and it gets hot! Blow on it and it gets hotter! A warming lotion with a terrific taste and 8 flavors to choose from.
Shelley's Opinion:
I tried a lot of these. The warming lotion really worked. As in...WOO-AH. The flavors are what you'd expect. Nothing from this line is really spectacular, but definitely gets my seal of approval if you are into that kind of thing. I found that the cinnamon was painful after about five minutes. It's very intense.
7.)Liquid Silk
Liquid Silk is water-based, yet provides the super-silky feel of a silicone-based lube while still being safe for use with condoms. It comes in a convenient pump bottle that is innocuous enough to keep by the bedside. This lightweight lubricant is completely non-tacky and is not stringy like some other lubes; it washes off easily with water, so it's perfect for use with any of your non-silicone toys.
Shelley's Opinion:
By far my favorite. The pump is great. I got really sick of lube bottles spilling onto my sheets and then I'd roll over into a cold wet spot of lube. Yuck! So Liquid Silk has never spilled. It's got a lotion-like consistency that is very smooth and soft. The excess sort of soaks into your skin so you don't have to wonder "where do I wipe my hands now?"
You can use it with toys, for masturbation, for sex, for whatever. It's just basically great stuff and I'd recommend it to anyone. Also, this washes away with water in seconds. I love that. It's not sticky or anything, no matter how long it's on your skin. In fact, it's more likely to soak in than anything else. It lasts a good while, sometimes it seems like I have to keep adding more, but even so it's not a hassle, especially with that pump bottle.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
cute email ;)
I know, I'm a silly girlfriend so I see things rosy but damn it, my boyfriend is just so adorable sometimes, and he just makes me smile. Here's an email that just had me smiling for a long time.
Me:
buy these pants!
Here's an ad on Ebay that just cracked me up. Scroll down to read the text. - Shelley
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2005/ebay-trousers-big.htm
ps. No, I wasn't cruising ebay for leather pants. It was on another site. =P
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Well, they're close to being my size... you want me to
buy them, don't you? ;-)
xoxoxoxxx,
Bill
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Me:
No.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bill:
::sigh::
------------------------------------------------------------------
On another note, weren't we cute as HELL for Halloween as Sonny and Cher?
Calabria gaming update!
It was so fun. We're on this road to Avoirdupois (my hometown, very stodgy) so I'm like not really looking forward to this at all, but I'm willing to go and try to escape the clutches of my family who may try to lock me up for being a slut. Hmmm. As if THAT'S never happened before. =P
So we're camped and this guy, obviously undead, sits by the abandoned well. He's not evil, but still the paladin doesn't like it. The sorcerer elf decides to give this undead beggar some coin and invite him to tea. (Yeah, we are reeeeeally smart some days.) I knew something was up because Carey had mentioned that she couldn't run the game without me there, and I'm the only one who follows Dionysus as a god. The undead, um beggar (performer, whatever) was wearing a symbol of Dionysus, the Jester God. So we follow the Jester, and so I think the days events have something to do with me giving some coin to the Jester in a dream I had. That tipped some balance and now the god may return. There's a huge process involved there, but I think the ball got rolling.
The undead beggar, named Frog (I have the spell Tongues which is a whole nuther story.) can't speak so he mimes that he wants us to follow him to save someone who's been poisoned. Oh yeah. Frog can't speak because he had his throat cut ear to ear, but since he's undead that doesn't make a problem. However. He can't understand us at first, and we can't cast Comprehend Language on him since it's personal range only. BUT. He can't verbally speak so it won't help either me or Sheridan (elven sorcerer) to cast CL (new spell: comprehend mime? ugh.) on ourself. So I have Tongues, which I cast on myself and so now Frog can understand me and mime back to everyone else.
We follow this guy down the trail through the woods and transverse time. We ended up 2,000 years in the past, before the stars changed and Saint Eloise brought the "Light" to the land. So we're basically back in pagan times with a mime guide and we have to complete some quest here or we're basically fucked.
There were some evil, planar crystalline weird monsters along the road and they were like T2. They changed shape and pulled apart and went back together again. There was no end to the jokes about "are you John Connors?" when Rafe hit one with a destroy with sound and it just reformed. I was asking if anyone had a tanker full of liquid nitrogen, but it wasn't looking very likely. These were some baaaaaaaaaad mothers. I pulled out all the stops (well, dogs) and cast my summon monster spell. I had three lawful good celestial dogs barking at this thing, and attacking with Smite Evil. Of course the AC on these bastards was way too high for them to hit so I had to drag out other magicks.
With Zaskin (Krueger) shooting them with his gnome musket and Gerard (Stu) charging in with Smite and lots of paladin muscle and my magic missiles and Sheridan (Cack) and his shapeshifting dire bear, and Rafe with his bardly crap, we took care of these things. Oh. And darth moll is the psionic who can't use his powers so he threw A DAGGER at it. Yeah. A DAGGER. Wooooo....scary. Look out for HIM, I tell ya.
There was a big keep ahead of us in the forest, and it was full of undead dancers and courtiers. I failed my Will save with a roll of ONE. Yeah, good thing I took that Iron Will feat. =P
We got sucked into a compulsion field that made us walk and dance. We had no control over where we went but we could move our heads and talk. So now, it was left with: I am stuck dancing with the gnome, and the paladin (HAHA) is stuck dancing with my blink bunny wizard familiar pet. Rafe the bard dances by himself, ala Billy Idol.
The sorcerer, Sheridan and the psionic, Kelvin, didn't get sucked in, but they have some kind of malevolent magic-sucking undead ghost to worry about up in the mezzanine.
We have to dance our way out. It's a puzzle, and Krueger and I think we figured it out. But first! We dance. =P
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Quiz Update!
Winner of the Best Make-Out Music: Nina Simone!! (Morcheeba came up in second place.) Thank you for playing!!
NEW QUIZ BELOW! Let's see what this will show! =)
Thursday, November 10, 2005
damn cold
Yeap...it's around 32 degrees out right now. Time for a winter coat, I'm thinkin.
When will it snow? Do I care? Let me consult the Tao.
"Be like water, fluid and ...." ok. done consulting.
Still don't know.
I had a very weird dream in which Lesley from work and I were in a car together and we got hijacked by hillbillies who wanted the car. This was after a very crazy off-roading experience where I thought she was going to kill us both.
Before that I was down by the seacoast, walking among the rocks and I saw an abandoned house. I got a window open but I still wasn't able to get inside. Very Blair Witch Project. I also saw an old flame around the beach parking lot, and I was talking with him for a while. I was confused because I hadn't seen him in quite a while and wondered where he'd gotten to. Hmm.
So after Lesley and I got kidnapped by hillbillies my dad showed up and so did his old friend from the military. They wanted to go fishing. Even the hillbillies got in on it. We were all fishing, or trying to. I was given just the string with a hook on the end, so I had to tie it around my body to fish. That was weird. Then I fell into the yucky lake that was covered in yucky lake goo, and my dad had to pull me out. Nobody was tossing lines in and I couldn't figure it out, but then I saw that it was some huge fishing opener and they were waiting for the signal. There were people jockying for position at the lakefront and I got tossed out of my spot. I kept having to find another place to fish. Dammit. Except the signal never came and I never caught anything.
Between the car chase/beach scene and fishing thing there was a hotel where Jason from Friday the 13th movies was killing people, but for some reason I wasn't scared of him. He wasn't after me, I suppose. Usually when I have slasher dreams they are always after me and the dreams are terrifying. Today I wasn't scared at all. What a difference!
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Which Beautiful Vampiress am I?
The Temptress
You are the one who comes into people's dreams at
night to drive them mad with desire. You are
sultry, sexy, and passionate. Others find you
hypnotic. You have the sort of smoldering eyes
and bedroom glances that are the stuff of
legend.
What's so scary about you: Like sweet poison, you
are addictive and deadly.
Your gemstone: Garnet
Your moon: Rose Moon (July)
Which Beautiful Vampiress are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
the kind of love I'm in...Well DUH! ;-)
Passionate Love
Right now is when everything's really starting to
heat up. And it's hot, hot HOT. You guys are
discovering just how fun certain things can be.
;) Your love is passionate and fiery and you
always drive each other wild with desire
whenever you're together. You would do anything
for each other. This is a fun time in your
life, but it can also be a little exhausting.
What Kind of Love are You in? (Beautiful Romantic Pics!)
brought to you by Quizilla
I love it!
So the last thing I expect to find after waking up is a bunch of Trojans. Ha. That will never get old. But yeah - so I ran my virus program last night and it found three more of those bastards and got rid of them while I was sleeping. That means I had no less than seven viruses (virii?) running before a couple of days ago. No wonder my computer was fucking up so much.
Monday, November 07, 2005
the kind of princess I am
The Romantic Princess
You are absolutely in love with love! Charming,
romantic, and feminine are all words that
describe you. You are a huge flirt and know how
to use your feminine wiles to get your way. You
are always on the lookout for the guy who will
sweep you off your feet.
Role Models: Isolde, Juliet
You are most likely to: Free a cursed prince from a
terrible spell with a single kiss.
What Kind of Princess are You? - Beautiful Artwork
brought to you by Quizilla
chapter 3 - word count 3795/50,000
It was another crappy day in L.A. for Valerie. She woke up hungover, as usual, and Bat Boy had to sneak out once again via the neighbor's yard so the reporters didn't see him leaving. He blew her a saucy kiss as he sauntered out of her bedroom, and she waved him off with lazy hand.
In a friendly tone Bat Boy said, "Catch you later Val. I hope you get some rest."
"Bye Vic," was all she managed from under her cocoon of fluffy blankets, then she sank back into her mound of soft pillows and sighed deeply. Another day of shooting and she didn't have the lines down. Maybe she should have kept Vic around to help her with run-throughs.
With the thought of memorizing lines hanging heavily over her Valerie dragged herself out of bed and stumbled towards her cheery bungalo kitchen for a steaming cup of hot, specialty coffee. She was glad she'd picked up a quick brewing coffee machine that used pods, because she needed caffeine as fast as possible most days. Today was no different. As Valerie walked casually into her small but neat kitchen she nearly tripped over a chair that had been pulled away from the small eating area and right into her way.
"Whoa there, Nellie," she grumbled, and pushed the chair back into place. "Odd..." she thought, because she sure didn't recall anyone being in the kitchen last night, and she was always returning things to their places before she left a room.
Valerie turned on the high tech coffee machine. While it was readying the water she walked tiredly to the other side of the kitchen. She grabbed the cord to the blinds that covered the windows and pulled it up with a quick jerk to let the rays of the sun into her favorite room of the house. She loved the way the light came in, even when she was hung over and didn't enjoy much of anything. She could hear the coffee maker gurgling and went over to finish making her cup of coffee. Today was a day for a double.
Valerie decided any type of food was out of the question this morning and so she took just her coffee and went over to the small breakfast table by the window. She sat down and looked blearily out the window as she took her first sip of hot coffee. She suddenly choked and sputtered hot liquid all over the table and herself. She saw what was outside her window. Tens of hundreds of crosses, all shapes and sizes, were hanging from every limb of the ancient olive tree in her front yard. More of the crosses covered nearly every inch of her front lawn. Her mouth hung open, and Valerie just stared for what seemed like a long time before sense returned and she slowly stood up, with all thoughts of hangover and coffee forgotten.
Valerie walked outside and saw a local tv news station reporter's van first, then flashbulbs started going off all around her. There was a crowd of almost twenty reporters and photographers ensconced in her short paved driveway. She was glad her flowers were already dead or she'd have been really ticked at the people trampling about in the flowerbeds.
"Valerie! Do you have any explanation for the crosses in your tree and yard?" said one reporter with microphone in hand.
"Hey Val!" another yelled out, "What's going on? Did you find religion last night? Looks like it found you!"
Valerie took another look around, then without a word went back inside to call the police. Within minutes Valerie had two of L.A.'s Finest at her house taking notes and asking questions. So many photographers were outside her house that she ended up closing all her blinds again and she sat in the darkened kitchen. The police left after taking some photos of their own and taking her statement and told Valerie to let them know if something else like this happened again. They didn't have much to go on since there didn't seem to be any witnesses to the strange decorating. The lead officer, an older no-nonsense woman simply referred to by the others as Darcy, decided it was probably an early Halloween prank.
Valerie sat alone in her kitchen and sipped the cold cup of coffee. Hot or cold, it was still caffeine. After awhile her mother showed up. She kept the coffee hot and bustled around the house while Valerie got ready for work tried to think of any reason someone would do such an odd thing to her tree and yard. She let her mother help with the run-throughs and then she headed off to the studio where her latest show was being taped. She normally didn't have much trouble getting around town unnoticed, but today she nearly had a whole caravan of pushy, fast-driving reporters follow her. She could have easily outrun them in the car she drove, a worn Mustang convertible she got from her parents when she'd graduated from Stanford. Valerie had better things to do than get a speeding ticket in Studio City, so she endured the line of cars that followed her every move. At the gates of the studio the reporters fell back, and she went to work.
Nobody at the studio, it seemed, had seen the morning newspapers, so Valerie didn't have to field any questions about the weird prank that had been her morning surprise. She spent all day rehearsing with the rest of the cast. Everything seemed to go well which was good because Valerie was in a semi-dazed state and just wanted to go home and sleep this weird day off.
When she was leaving to go to her car one of her co-stars, a woman who played her best friend on the show, came up and gave her a sympathetic look. "Val, how are you holding up? I saw the papers over lunch."
Valerie shook her head. "I'm fine, really. It was just a prank I'm sure."
"Please don't hesitate to call if you want to talk or just need a friend." the woman said, and gave Valerie a hug.
"Thank you, I'll keep that in mind." Valerie said with a smile, and headed back to her car.
When Valerie returned home it was early evening, and all the crucifixes had been removed from her yard. She thought that her mother had probably called someone in to remove them. Again Valerie wondered just who would do something so odd, and why. It just made no sense. She wasn't religious by any standard, and didn't know of any reason for the lawn decorations.
Once home she drank some wine and had a long soak in her bathtub to erase the day's stress. Then she dressed in her oldest, most comfortable yoga pants and tee shirt and decided her day had been long enough. It was time for bed. As her head hit the pillow, she closed her eyes and sighed.
"What a day," she thought, and drifted off to sleep almost immediately.
chapter two, 2451/50,000
Another place, one hundred years ago...
Her breath came in gasps. She ran down the length of the alley, checking behind her every few seconds. Was he behind her? Was that him? No! Run faster! As she turned a corner she ran smack into a group of women walking together with Holy Bibles in hands.
"Oh! Excuse me!" she said as she collided with one of the women. The startled woman looked at her torn, battered appearance as well as the manly trousers she was wearing and jumped backwards, hitting another woman who was walking behind her.
"Look here, Dearie, what's going on?" the woman said, and put a hand out to the girl.
"No time, I'm sorry to have disturbed!" she said, and quickly darted around the group of women. She glanced over her shoulder as she started to run and saw a dark shape coalescing from the shadows not far from the mouth of the alley.
"Damnation!" she growled, and sprinted faster. The churchified women would be safe enough, she supposed. It's not like she would make them any safer by leading her attacker back to them. She ran on.
She ran faster down side streets until she came to a wharf. "Water is good," she thought, as she looked down the length of piers lining the water's edge. She saw every kind of water conveyance, from the smallest fisherman's dinghy to large seagoing vessels, tied to many of the piers. "What to do, where to go?" she murmured to herself, careful to stay in shadows and out of sight of the more unsavory dock types.
She couldn't afford to slow down now, because she needed a hiding place until dawn came. She saw an unattended small dinghy tied to the end of a weathered pier. It was late, and no one was going to see her. She approached the water stealthily and as quietly as possible she untied the small boat and hopped inside. There wasn't anything in the dinghy besides a couple of rudimentary oars and a lot of fish scales scattered about. She also saw some old tangled netting in the corner of the boat.
"I supposed that'll do for a pillow," she thought, and pushed off into the black water, unlit by any moon in the night sky. She silently took an oar and pushed away from the dock, trying hard to not alert anyone nearby that she was borrowing a boat.
She chuckled softly. "Borrowing. Well I'll do my best to return this tomorrow, my unknown fisherman friend."
She got out into the water a short distance before taking up the other oar and rowing hard into the center of the river.
"Got to keep moving, old girl, you can do it," came her inner voice she'd come to know only as very astute intuition. That voice inside had kept her alive in more situations than she could account for. Every one of those times she'd wanted to give up and just let the chips fall, the voice would poke and prod and annoy her generally until she found the gumption to keep going.
So she kept rowing until she was certain she was far enough away from detection by anyone. She didn't see any other boats on the water; it was too late for that. The only people out would probably be unsavoury types anyway who she'd avoid at any cost.
As she rowed farther and farther away from the docks she could sense something far away in the darkness. Fear started niggling at her spine, and tingling down her chilly uncovered arms. Through the darkness and fog she sensed something bigger than life and scarier than the pits of Hell she had learned about in the cloister where she'd spent most of her young life.
"Oh, what the Sisters would think of me now," she mused silently as she kept rowing. "In a man's trousers and running about alone at night."
Her thoughts and memories were all she'd have now, since she had wrought such destruction on her one-time home in the abbey. She fought back the sudden tears as she remembered the slaughter that had occurred because of her. "No, musn't think of that now, old girl," the inner voice gently chastised.
Yes, of course the voice was right once again. If she was going to survive this night then she'd need all her wits about her. She shook off old memories and concentrated on rowing.
She rowed until she no longer saw the lights of the town shine quite so brightly, and ahead there were only long grasses and willows along the water's edge. The moon was high in the sky as she found a small inlet with a large tree overhanging the water. She rowed the boat up to the shore and used the oars to get up near the large roots of the tree, where she tied up the boat. She was exhausted from rowing, but felt safer away from the evil presence that had been following her in the city and down near the docks.
She arranged the netting into a sort of pillow and lay down in the prow of the small fishing boat. She curled up as much into a ball as she could, put her arms around herself for warmth, and thanked some lucky star that it was warm in this part of the country. She slept, and dreamed of a comforting place she had been, safe in the arms of Mother Church.
...the quiet stillness of the main hall was broken by the sound of screams...she ran down the hallway from her room to see what was happening...she couldn't run fast enough, my God, what was happening, and why were they screaming? ...as she ran into the main hall she saw it. Him. He was monstrous, what in dear Heaven was going on...the poor Sisters...the blood, oh the Blood...run...save them! One by one he was dragging them to him, and tearing open their necks...with his teeth? Oh, dear sweet Heaven, the Sisters, no!
As she ran into the hall he paused in the middle of killing Sister Marguerite and looked up right into her eyes.
"My child...I have come for you," he said in a booming voice, both in her ears and in her head.
She screamed, and turned to run.
Faster than she could fathom he was directly in front of her, looking larger than life and horrifyingly calm. He took her by the arms and halted her flight. "My lovely daughter, why do you run? I am here to bequeath your destiny upon you."
She could no longer speak than she could run while in his grip. She looked into his eyes and saw familiarity there, although she was quite sure she'd never seen this monster before in her life. She did the next best thing. She fainted.
fucked up
So there i was, innocently having some pretzel with some gamer dude and his friend, and waiting for my actual friends to come back around, and pinned to Guy #1's shirt is his name and underneath it says "player." Well duh - it's a gaming convention. So like I don't know these guys too well so I thought I'd make a joke.
"So, Guy #1, you're a play-ah..." as I'm pointing to his tag. By the by I also have a tag that says exactly what his says. Only mine says Shelley and not Guy #1.
He looks awfully confused, and is like, "what?" so I point to his tag again.
"Play-ah..." and I smiled to let him know it was, you know, ok to I don't know, smile back? So he responded with "No, I actually don't have any Negro blood at all. I'm 100% white boy (maybe he said cracker, I don't know, I was already in offense mode as soon as I heard Negro.)
Me: "I'm sorry, what did you just say?"
Him: "I'm not Negro, so I can't be a player."
Me: "That's what I thought you said."
Guy #2: Blank looks all around.
So just then my friend came back and we uh, moved on. Later, after my other friend showed up we had some lunch, and during that lunch a fan came up to us and wanted his shirt signed by the artist at the table (friend #1). John is such a nice guy and is always willing to do whatever for a fan, so he listened to this guy's story and signed his shirt and we all enjoyed the moment.
The shirt was signed: "Fear this Shirt! Seriously!"
So then this fan (I'll just say he was overweight) leaves, and Guy#1 and #2 cut him up for being fat. Now I realize he was fairly gi-normous but jesus christ! He came all the way to the top floor and to the very back of the restaurant to find us. Great effort on the part of a fan, and these assholes are going to make fun of him?
Guy#1 - Dick.
Guy#2 - Not quite as big a Dick, but he sure was laughin pretty hard at this guy who only wanted a goddamn signature to show his girlfriend who'd bought him the shirt in the first place.
Mean people suck donkey dick. Fucking Chicago assholes.
Sunday, November 06, 2005
added a quiz
I like it. I can make whatever I want. This time it's about make out music. Dory and I were discussing how good or bad different make out music was; a lot of it sucks hugely if it makes you laugh, like Barry White. I have seriously FADING memories of the MW dancing around the Union to Barry. Was I um, supposed to find it sexy? I laughed my ass off.
Friday, November 04, 2005
numb ass
so like, yeah I'm gonna try this novel thing but jesus CHRIST my ass is numb from sitting here for so long. I'm gonna have to find a little alarm that says BEEP beep, shelley get up and stretch before you lose all feeling in your nethers. At least I have a freshly-cleaned Senseo that I ran vinegar through this morning. My coffee will be good and fast. And plentiful. With luck, that is.
Of course - the novel is gonna be CRAP - but hell, as long as my word count is high I don't give a ratfuck.
UPDATED chapter 1, word count 1,446/50,000
The crisp morning air smelled like the apples not far off in the orchard near the chaise where Valerie sat enjoying the sunrise with her cat, Dolly, snuggled up next to her hip. The early sun's rays slowly moved up her body as the giant ball of flame rose in the East, warming her legs and easing the chill of the past night.
To Valerie's left was a small table with steaming coffee and scones awaiting her. Dolly purred as Valerie idly stroked her fur, then reached past for some of that coffee. "Mmm..." she said as she took that first sip. Just what the doctor ordered. Nothing better than hot coffee after a crazy night like the last one had been.
Not that she could remember of course, exactly what had transpired. She was quite certain, though, that she wasn't going relive any memories just yet. It was too nice just sitting and feeling the sun with a purring furball to make her feel warm, loved, and alive.
Valerie always prided herself on being easygoing and good-natured, even in the face of major adversity, or when things tended to catch fire or explode when she was nearby. All her life she had wondered why she was seemingly cursed. It was as a young child that Valerie found out she was adopted. Her adoptive parents didn't know anything about Valerie's birth mother or father. When young Valerie had asked where they were and why they had given her up, her parents told her that she was very special and it didn't matter from where she had come or why she was chosen for them, but only that she was special, and loved. For this reason Valerie didn't push to find her birth family.
Once when Valerie was young she had snooped through her parents' files in the basement and found a file just marked "V. Arditi." Her natural curiosity won out over any fear that her parents would feel angry that she was snooping. She opened the file, and found many things, one of which appeared to be her birth certificate. The hospital was a local one, and the doctor was the same one she currently saw for all of her medical visits. There was only a blank space where her mother should have been listed, and the space for father was also blank. The birthday was correct, November thirtieth, nineteen sixty-eight. Valerie had thought the whole thing was strange but had she asked then her parents would know she was looking around where she shouldn't.
She had never found out any more information than what was in the folder in the basement. Her parents either never found the right moment, or had no interest in explaining things. At any rate, Valerie had quite a happy childhood, and when her career in television took off at the age of eight she never had any free time to wonder further about her natural parents.
"Come to think of it, what did happen last night?" she wondered, and a thinking divot appeared on her forehead. Valerie looked down at Dolly and remembered that she didn't own a cat. "Well isn't that something," she mused as she continued to pet the creature.
Dolly looked up and flashed a feral grin at Valerie, and in a low, growling voice said, " Took you awhile, didn't it?" Valerie made a short, loud squeak, and bounded up from the chaise, knocking cat, coffee, and chair all over the lawn.
"Wh..who are you?! Or, what are you!" Valerie stammered out as she backed away slowly from what appeared to be a talking feline. Dolly had fallen as cats fall, landing half on her feet and half on her back. She quickly jumped to her paws and shook herself all over, finishing with her head, giving her ears a flick, and all the while looking at Valerie with a cat glare.
"Why'd you have to go and do that now, Valerie Arditi?" Valerie kept backing up across the lawn while she half shook her head in disbelief. She stared at Dolly with wide eyes, as the cat hopped over the disturbed coffee scene and started to pad towards her. Valerie held her hands out in front of her body and waved them around a bit.
"You...you just stay back, cur. I have mace, someplace!" Dolly just snickered.
"Cur?" the cat gave the equivalent of a snort. "It's been some time since I heard that one, Mistress. You must be channeling a former soul from a time when I came to save you as well."
"Save me? From what?"
"As your protector, I would guess from whatever might cause you harm."
Valerie stopped backing away to get herself together. She looked around her grassy yard to see if there was anyone with a camera hiding in the bushes or hanging behind a tree taking snapshots. As a cast member of the number one-rated television series on a popular network, she could scarce afford anything bizarro getting published in the National Enquirer or any of the other news rags. That had gotten her in enough trouble over the years.
Valerie Ardito had long since become a household name and a common face on TV Guide magazine. She had starred in multiple television shows and made for tv movies by the time she was eight years old. Valerie was known for her eccentric behavior on and off the set, with many speculations that she was a witch, devil worshipper, or space alien. Since witches, devil worshippers, and space aliens are fairly common occurrences in Hollywood, she fit right in.
Over the years Valerie's oddities became commonplace enough, but that didn't mean she wanted to stoke the fires and get herself on the front page again with the header, "TV Star Elopes With Bat Boy, Again." God knows she had enough of a problem explaining it the first time. Besides, Bat Boy had become a very well known cover model himself, after a bit of cosmetic surgery. And Valerie was a fool for a pretty face.
Valerie always had a hell of time with Bat Boy, also known as Victor Zora (stage name, of course). When the margaritas began to flow and the tequila shots stayed plentiful Victor and Valerie became the best of friends. They had actually tried to elope more than once, but her publicist always showed up just in time with the Sober Wagon and stopped the pair from getting legal in Las Vegas.
It was always fun for Valerie to see how far her publicist would let her go before pulling in the reins.
Valerie was known to be eccentric, but quick on the draw. "Ok, Doll Face, what exactly are you doing here, and how is it that you can speak?"
She had a second to consider that cats really can roll their eyes, then Dolly spoke.
"That's Dolly, Mistress, if you'd be so kind as to respect the moniker I've chosen this time around. To answer your question, I'm here to protect you, and as your spirit animal, I've taken the form of a cat. I can speak because I've spent millenia in different forms, experimenting with speech and other abilities. You'd totally flip if you saw what I can do with a falafel while in camel form." Dolly made the approximation of a belly laugh, and sat down. She started licking her paws as Valerie moved to stand in front of her.
Valerie crouched down in front of the cat and sort of squinted at her to get a better look. Then she said,"How is it that I've never seen you before? Wouldn't you think I'd know if I had an animal spirit?"
Dolly replied, "Up until last night I was inside you, with your soul, since the day you were born."
Valerie furrowed her brow and said, "Last night? I can't even remember last night!"
"And you won't remember until you are ready to accept that you are a spiritual being with ties to the Otherworld. Ties that are going to have you in danger soon enough." With that, Dolly jumped up and bounded off towards Valerie's back door, which swung silently open for the cat to walk into, then just as silently swung closed after her.
Valerie stood up again and put a hand to her forehead. "I must have really tied one on last night, because I don't even like cats, and now I've got one talking to me and predicting the future with dire warnings!"
She went about righting her chaise, setting the table back up and went in for more coffee.
To Valerie's left was a small table with steaming coffee and scones awaiting her. Dolly purred as Valerie idly stroked her fur, then reached past for some of that coffee. "Mmm..." she said as she took that first sip. Just what the doctor ordered. Nothing better than hot coffee after a crazy night like the last one had been.
Not that she could remember of course, exactly what had transpired. She was quite certain, though, that she wasn't going relive any memories just yet. It was too nice just sitting and feeling the sun with a purring furball to make her feel warm, loved, and alive.
Valerie always prided herself on being easygoing and good-natured, even in the face of major adversity, or when things tended to catch fire or explode when she was nearby. All her life she had wondered why she was seemingly cursed. It was as a young child that Valerie found out she was adopted. Her adoptive parents didn't know anything about Valerie's birth mother or father. When young Valerie had asked where they were and why they had given her up, her parents told her that she was very special and it didn't matter from where she had come or why she was chosen for them, but only that she was special, and loved. For this reason Valerie didn't push to find her birth family.
Once when Valerie was young she had snooped through her parents' files in the basement and found a file just marked "V. Arditi." Her natural curiosity won out over any fear that her parents would feel angry that she was snooping. She opened the file, and found many things, one of which appeared to be her birth certificate. The hospital was a local one, and the doctor was the same one she currently saw for all of her medical visits. There was only a blank space where her mother should have been listed, and the space for father was also blank. The birthday was correct, November thirtieth, nineteen sixty-eight. Valerie had thought the whole thing was strange but had she asked then her parents would know she was looking around where she shouldn't.
She had never found out any more information than what was in the folder in the basement. Her parents either never found the right moment, or had no interest in explaining things. At any rate, Valerie had quite a happy childhood, and when her career in television took off at the age of eight she never had any free time to wonder further about her natural parents.
"Come to think of it, what did happen last night?" she wondered, and a thinking divot appeared on her forehead. Valerie looked down at Dolly and remembered that she didn't own a cat. "Well isn't that something," she mused as she continued to pet the creature.
Dolly looked up and flashed a feral grin at Valerie, and in a low, growling voice said, " Took you awhile, didn't it?" Valerie made a short, loud squeak, and bounded up from the chaise, knocking cat, coffee, and chair all over the lawn.
"Wh..who are you?! Or, what are you!" Valerie stammered out as she backed away slowly from what appeared to be a talking feline. Dolly had fallen as cats fall, landing half on her feet and half on her back. She quickly jumped to her paws and shook herself all over, finishing with her head, giving her ears a flick, and all the while looking at Valerie with a cat glare.
"Why'd you have to go and do that now, Valerie Arditi?" Valerie kept backing up across the lawn while she half shook her head in disbelief. She stared at Dolly with wide eyes, as the cat hopped over the disturbed coffee scene and started to pad towards her. Valerie held her hands out in front of her body and waved them around a bit.
"You...you just stay back, cur. I have mace, someplace!" Dolly just snickered.
"Cur?" the cat gave the equivalent of a snort. "It's been some time since I heard that one, Mistress. You must be channeling a former soul from a time when I came to save you as well."
"Save me? From what?"
"As your protector, I would guess from whatever might cause you harm."
Valerie stopped backing away to get herself together. She looked around her grassy yard to see if there was anyone with a camera hiding in the bushes or hanging behind a tree taking snapshots. As a cast member of the number one-rated television series on a popular network, she could scarce afford anything bizarro getting published in the National Enquirer or any of the other news rags. That had gotten her in enough trouble over the years.
Valerie Ardito had long since become a household name and a common face on TV Guide magazine. She had starred in multiple television shows and made for tv movies by the time she was eight years old. Valerie was known for her eccentric behavior on and off the set, with many speculations that she was a witch, devil worshipper, or space alien. Since witches, devil worshippers, and space aliens are fairly common occurrences in Hollywood, she fit right in.
Over the years Valerie's oddities became commonplace enough, but that didn't mean she wanted to stoke the fires and get herself on the front page again with the header, "TV Star Elopes With Bat Boy, Again." God knows she had enough of a problem explaining it the first time. Besides, Bat Boy had become a very well known cover model himself, after a bit of cosmetic surgery. And Valerie was a fool for a pretty face.
Valerie always had a hell of time with Bat Boy, also known as Victor Zora (stage name, of course). When the margaritas began to flow and the tequila shots stayed plentiful Victor and Valerie became the best of friends. They had actually tried to elope more than once, but her publicist always showed up just in time with the Sober Wagon and stopped the pair from getting legal in Las Vegas.
It was always fun for Valerie to see how far her publicist would let her go before pulling in the reins.
Valerie was known to be eccentric, but quick on the draw. "Ok, Doll Face, what exactly are you doing here, and how is it that you can speak?"
She had a second to consider that cats really can roll their eyes, then Dolly spoke.
"That's Dolly, Mistress, if you'd be so kind as to respect the moniker I've chosen this time around. To answer your question, I'm here to protect you, and as your spirit animal, I've taken the form of a cat. I can speak because I've spent millenia in different forms, experimenting with speech and other abilities. You'd totally flip if you saw what I can do with a falafel while in camel form." Dolly made the approximation of a belly laugh, and sat down. She started licking her paws as Valerie moved to stand in front of her.
Valerie crouched down in front of the cat and sort of squinted at her to get a better look. Then she said,"How is it that I've never seen you before? Wouldn't you think I'd know if I had an animal spirit?"
Dolly replied, "Up until last night I was inside you, with your soul, since the day you were born."
Valerie furrowed her brow and said, "Last night? I can't even remember last night!"
"And you won't remember until you are ready to accept that you are a spiritual being with ties to the Otherworld. Ties that are going to have you in danger soon enough." With that, Dolly jumped up and bounded off towards Valerie's back door, which swung silently open for the cat to walk into, then just as silently swung closed after her.
Valerie stood up again and put a hand to her forehead. "I must have really tied one on last night, because I don't even like cats, and now I've got one talking to me and predicting the future with dire warnings!"
She went about righting her chaise, setting the table back up and went in for more coffee.
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
distraction and suckage
So is this going to be another wasted month? Am I going to get anywhere on anything besides keeping my head above water?? I feel like a spaniel treading towards something..but god knows what.
Last night I had to work all night - and yet I don't feel like I helped anything - I was just another body filling space. I'm a cog in a machine, replaceable and useless alone.
I could just be really freakin tired, but I don't think that's it. What the heck does my life mean? I work, I hang out with friends, I dodge Irish bill collectors. The high point of my day seems to be my significant other. What am I doing? Do most people have goals for their lives? I know I'm not the only one on that hampster wheel. I'm so stressed out all the time, worrying about not doing everything I need to do - but what the hell else is there? I don't have any higher purpose, I don't even think I've have the TIME to worry about a higher purpose. I just keep on keepin on and hope I don't sink. I hate feeling like this!
When does everything start to have any meaning?? And why does it matter? I'm still on that wheel - is my entire life about distracting myself from the black hole that awaits us all? Distraction. From emptiness. Treading water. For the rest of my fucking life?? I suppose I could get myself a drug that makes it all seem better - did that for a long time. Yeah - numb all my feelings so that I *think* nothing's wrong. Of course then nothing is enjoyable either. I don't want that tradeoff.
I know that my life has some sort of meaning. I just don't know what it is. I don't feel like I'm accomplishing much.
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
and the beat goes on...
So Bill and I were Sonny and Cher for Halloween. *Early* Sonny and Cher. Except maybe not as early as this pic because Bill had the trademark mustache. I think we were going for Caesar and Cleo days. Anyway it was great and Bill's ass looked really good in his black jeans. Hey that's all I need. ;-) My boots were knee highs and about a three inch heel, and I wore them to work for four hours before the Halloween party - and I could describe the agony but that would only put you off your feed for a month.
I hope we win the contest at work - but I won't know for a week. I thought we were pretty awesome looking. =)
Anyway - if we don't, then...
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