My mom has an iPad, which means we can now iMessage (it's a verb because I say so) each other for free.

This evening I was telling her about a book I just checked out (I'm in blue):



See, I had quite a few "odd bits" experiences growing up. I learned very early on that if Mom said, "It's roast beef, just eat it." she was being honest. Kind of.

Anyway:



Damn you, autocorrect.

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This image has been making the rounds on facebook:

And it is annoying me.

Being able to recognize Carl Sagan is now the way we measure for intelligence? Really? Both of those people were made famous by television, correct? Being able to name some old turtlenecked astronomer you saw once in college on PBS while stuffing Cheetos in your face and stoned out of your gourd means you're smart now. Well, okay.

But I guess I must have different standards than some sci-fi hipster geek making LOL Sagans in his mother's basement. Allow me to demonstrate:

If you don't know who painted this (AND, for bonus points, the subject of the painting!)


But you do know who painted this:


Congratulations! You're what's wrong with the world!

(See how this works, internerds?)

When I say "Oooh," you say, "Long!"



An introduction to Chap Hop, thanks to Mr. Sorrentino.

I've spent the morning at various garden centers, craft shops and hardware stores collecting tiny succulent plants, moss, activated charcoal and river rocks. I'm making a hanging terrarium today in the hopes that my ceaseless obsession with miniature gardens under glass abates for at least a short while.

I doubt it though because look at how absolutely cool these plants are!


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Featuring the hotness that is Eliza Dushku. Enjoy

I spent my school years with my nose frequently buried in a book and as a result wore glasses early (& contact lenses too late). I was in honors classes, AP classes, had football players threatening me for my editorials in the school newspaper, never got invited to those "my parents are out of town for the weekend" parties, took my gay friend to the homecoming dance (both years), ate a brown bag lunch almost every single day and even rode the school bus home the last day of senior year. My entire life I've been a dork.

So I suppose I should be thrilled to be considered cool enough to be part of the blogger in-crowd and be lobbying for your vote.

But I'm not and I won't. I realize this is probably intended to be fun, and perhaps I'm being ornery, but I don't like it. I've always believed that one of the most amazing things about the gunblog community is the lack of elitism and the "more pro-2A voices, the better" mentality. Popularity contests can defeat that purpose, especially when even the least well-known blogger can have an impact in the fight for our Second Amendment Rights. And, to be honest, even though I can throw together a seriously enjoyable Gunnie Prom, it doesn't mean I should be crowned queen of anything - I've gained blog fame mostly in spite of myself. If anything I should probably be voted "Most Likely to Blog Exclusively About Nail Polish and Cats, with a Gun Sitting on the Desk Next to Her Laptop."

I suppose I should also say that it's an honor to have been nominated to be one of the bloggers asked to give a company (albeit a very reputable company with an exceedingly clever marketing department and excellent prices on ammo) free advertising.

But, umm...no. Nice try, though.

Please. Use soap.

And don't even get me started on eyelash mites. Gah.

I loved Sucker Punch. LOVED. IT.

Aside from the delicious eye candy (set design, CGI, costumes & makeup, oh my!) you get robots, slicing and dicing with samurai swords, orcs, excellent gasoline explosions, guns* and Bjork in the soundtrack. I was basically set to permasquee once the first action sequence started - the heroine uses a gussied up 1911 to obliterate Nazi steampunk zombies (yes, really!) and shoots down an airship. The sum of the movie leading up to this scene, in my opinion, pretty much justified the matinee ticket price. And then, as if that's not enough, there's a dragon and the most amazing pair of glitter thigh high stockings you've ever seen in your life.

Can anyone explain to me how over 300 songs can fit in something smaller than a matchbook?



On second thought, don't. I think I prefer the mystery.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if the novel we're living in is either sci-fi or fantasy. Still, it's definitely the future - and I'm so glad I'm here.

(got this to use during my workouts. Much more convenient than sticking my iPhone in the waistband of my yoga pants.)

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I very rarely go to the theater anymore - mostly because I'm cheap and try to avoid having to deal with the public if I'm not getting paid for it. I also know that if I just have a little patience, I can get whatever I want from Netflix and view it from the comfort of my sofa while drinking booze. This beats sitting in an uncomfortable chair in the dark, surrounded by a bunch of strangers (& without a decent adult beverage!) - hands down, every time. Besides...having to turn around and deathstare the one jerk who insists on narrating the entire film for his friend who keeps crinkling his candy wrappers completely ruins my social entertainment experience.*

Once in a while, though, there comes a movie that requires a big screen viewing. I think Sucker Punch is going to be one of these, at least for me. Mostly because of this:

I don't really know what the movie is about and I don't even care. Chicks with guns and steampunk airships and a pink bunny face giant robot of death? I'll be at the matinée.

___________________________
*word to the wise: don't sit behind a librarian at the movies & think you can get away with talking during the good parts. The shushing will be brutal and swift.

Friday elfin cuteness, Icelandic-style.


Watch the whole thing to hear the moral of her story!

Okay, okay...so we don't have a great economy to make up for our crappy weather, but take a look at Ohio on this map...


That's right - nerdiest state EVER.

I'm so proud!

Through the power of an online community, 7-year old Katie learned a lesson that many of us could have used at her age - being unique can be cool and geek girls are totally awesome.

P.S. my favorite quote from this story:

"What strikes me is how these individuals who were once so isolated are now part of a very tight community. They have found each other; they are plugged into each other, and they have each other's backs."

Sounds familiar. (thank you)

Bacon & (gummi) egg
jello shot.





And, hey! I happen to know a guy who makes bacon vodka!

I'll concede that the old book smell is an interesting odor that conjures up memories of quaint little bookstores and discoveries of arcane knowledge between the pages of some secondhand tome...but it is not sexy and should not be worn by a person.

A librarian fetish should be limited to pencil skirts and shushing. Foxing is not foxy.

A while back, SayUncle reviewed his tactical manpants and I got to wondering if they made a version for those of us who don't require a flap in front.

A quick search revealed that, yes, women's styles are available, even tacti-thongs and tacti-granny panties, if that's your sort of thing. I ordered myself a pair to review (& no, I will not be roadtesting them for the advertised "17 countries, 6 weeks, and one pair of underwear." Ew.) Still can't figure out why they'd be offered in a color other than proper mall ninja matte black, though.

Holy crap, where do I apply?

Just walked in the door and Mike said, "Whoa. You look just like Gwen from Torchwood."

That's me - outside the government, beyond the police.

I'd say the new haircut is a win.

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Dear Buddha, please bring me a pony and a plastic rocket*...and one of these.

Wait, better make it two - Mike deserves a chance to defend himself. (I suppose.)

*& if you're not able to place this quote, shame on you.

Me: What kind of group goes and protests a giant nerd convention?

Mike: The same type of group that throws fake blood on old ladies in mink coats instead of Hell's Angels wearing their leathers.

Me: Hey, now! I happen to know a lot of heavily armed nerds!