Just no.

Paul the octopus, who was famous for psychic predictions and pissing off I'mADinnerJacket, has gone to his great reward in that big sushi platter aquarium in the sky.

But now, because of the wonders of technology (and people with way too much time on their hands), Paul can live on in our iPhones, solving all of life's little dilemmas. Free and cuter than flipping a coin.

Finally. An octopus I like...

I'll take mine with brown mustard, please.

For all of you who are visiting from view from the porch and wondering, "What's the deal with Breda and octopi?"...allow me to explain.

I don't hate octopi, they just freak me out. (the link will take you to some amazing videos. Totally worth watching) Strangely beautiful, they are way smarter than something that can squeeze itself down to the size of its own eyeball should be and can camouflage themselves to perfectly match their surroundings. I used to visit the octopus at the Cleveland zoo and stare at it for long stretches of time, hypnotized by its fluid movements and subtle color changes. I like to think that it was looking back at me as it pressed up against the glass that separated us.

There were often toys and puzzles in its tank to keep that big brain occupied and happy, something zookeepers refer to as "enrichment." I never did witness the octopus play with an item. I suspect it waited until after the all visitors had gone home, so as not to give itself away while it was planning total world domination.

And just today I learned that, in zoos around Europe, they've been giving the octopi Rubik's cubes.

Somehow I doubt that they'll resort to rearranging the stickers (like I did.)

Octopi freak me out.

Described as what is essentially just a big clever brain with arms, they can not only squeeze their entire bodies through a hole the size of a quarter, they can also open jars, solve puzzles, communicate their emotions, have favorite toys, and this:

They change color to blend into their surroundings, plus they can perfectly match texture too.

They also seem to be working on becoming bipedal. Great, just great.

(notice how the octopus is using 2 legs to walk and is mimicking seaweed for camouflage with the other 6) I'm glad that they're not air-breathers - they'd be picking your locks, sneaking into your house, and raiding your fridge in the middle of the night. And then when you venture down into the kitchen to figure out just what that noise was, the octopus would go poof! and disappear into the linoleum or morph into a head of lettuce in the veggie bin.